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The BDFL's Weekly Pigskin Prognostications

From The Wizard

2009 Week 14

Wizards vs. Gamblers

Despite a respectable point total in Week 13, the “Peninsular Dixie Pixies” fell to the arch rival Grenadiers to put them in a win-or-go-home bind. Points wise the Wizards are clearly in contention to slide into the playoffs, but the “Bullet Rule” is looming ominously overhead, no doubt causing a run on ten penny nails and Vaseline in Pasco County this week. Unfortunately for the Wizards, the road to the playoffs goes straight down Highway 41 through New Orleans and the “Riverboat Gamblers” who are a very intimidating bunch that could very well swat any hopes the Wizards have of slipping through the back door what may not necessarily fit through the front. If Favre and the Vikings can stay a little north of lukewarm and Tomlinson continues his resurgence, the Gamblers should win. However, the Wizards have a date with destiny and will not be denied a win, or at least a backdoor cover.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wizards.

Bootleggers vs. Bullets

After spending much of the year at the top of the BDFL peckin’ order, the “Red Tape Red Neck Benton Bureaucracy” has managed to get tangled enough in their own labyrinth of paper work to cool off enough to have lost any chance at a division title yet are still squarely in the playoff picture. Meanwhile, the “Canton In-breds” have proven beyond a reasonable doubt that breeding too close to the gene pool, while makin’ for some excellent banjo pickin’, doesn’t do much for their team’s constitutional make-up. The Bootleggers have been simply awful all season and there is no reason to think they will put up much more than a listless effort when they travel to the “Free State of Lowndes County” on Sunday. The Great Wizardo pauses at such large lines, but only briefly once he realizes the Bootleggers are involved.

Wizard’s Winner…the Bullets.

Juggernauts vs. Wooden Warriors

The Black Crick Splendid Splinters” continue to post impressive numbers, and more importantly, vict'ries week after week with what appears to be an average team leading the Great Wizardo to ponder if perhaps a bunch of rabbits are not breeding fast and furious in the Wooden Warriors’ backside because nothing else explains the rabbit’s foot they seem to pull out of their @$$ each week. Fortunately for Jaimie and the Wooden Warriors, they should be able to save their remaining rabbit’s feet for the playoffs when the “Talladega Rolling Stones” come to town, covered in moss no doubt given their tepid performance this season. Already out of the playoffs, Allyson and the Nauts have little to play for other than ending the season on a high note. And while the Nauts will most likely strike yet another sour note on Sunday, they won’t hit enough of them for the Warriors to cover an overly generous spread.

Wizard’s Winner…the Juggernauts.

Cheetahs vs. Fighting Slovaks

After long since being discarded to the ash heap of broken BDFL dreams, Adam Slovensky and the “Helena UrinePeons” only shot at redemption is to try and destroy someone else’s sugar plum fairy filled dreams. Unfortunately for the Slovaks, they can’t even do that since Butch Neal’s “Shelby County She-Lions” already have their ticket punched to go waltzing at the Big Dance. Nevertheless, pride is still at stake as is the Slovak’s chance to prove they are much better than their record indicates, something the Great Wizardo actually believes meaning it must be true. On paper these two are evenly matched, but ELVO, by posting a cushy spread, appears to have shown some favoritism towards a fellow Gray Beard Division rival, which will ultimately be his downfall as well as that of the Cheetahs.

Wizard’s Winner…the Fighting Slovaks.

Grenadiers vs. Wildcats

Last seen gasping for air and making reservations at the Phoenix IV in Gulf Shores around midseason, Chris Hand and the “Na$hVega$ Nad$men” appear to have almost snatched vict'ry from the jaws of defeat, and merely need to hang on for one more week to get in the Big Show. And the Grenadiers can do themselves a huge favor by knocking off Jerry James and the “James Gang”, who have a comfortable point margin over the Grenadiers, but are in a must win situation if they want to avoid getting locked out at the mutual window. In what could be a Wild West shoot out, it is safe to say both teams will come out loaded for bear and firing from the hip since no match up in Week 14 carries with it any more championship implications than this one. Vegas rates this a toss up, which makes sense, but the Great Wizardo says at the end of the day it will be the Nadsmen standing alone on Rocky Top shouting “He’s got big, and she’s got big balls, BUT WE’VE GOT THE BIGGEST BALLS OF THEM ALL!”, something to which the Wizard concurs.

Wizard’s Winner…the Grenadiers.

Sloth Monsters vs. Mayors

Alan Arrington’s “Birmingham Royal Bumblers” boast a lofty point total, enough for second in the BDFL standings, but face a do or die match up against the impressive “Silver Lakes Limb Loungers” on Sunday afternoon if they expect to go dancing next week. The Sloth Monsters have long since qualified for the playoffs and have a point total that allows them to largely relax headed into the regular season finale. Nevertheless, the Sloth Monsters have the unique chance of toppling one of their most formidable obstacles to a second BDFL title by disposing of the Mayors. While it is hard to argue with the Sloth Monsters performance this season, going on the road is never easy in the BDFL, and will be even more difficult than usual since it is a safe bet the Mayors will be raiding the overburdened taxpayers of Birmingham for enough flash money to grease every palm between city hall and Fair Park before game time. And the Great Wizardo says it should be just enough to get them within the spread, if not an outright vict'ry.

Wizard’s Winner…the Sloth Monsters.

Woosiers vs. PowerSleds

In yet another match up filled with intrigue, the “Hayden Tommy Guns” will be flipping to fully automatic upon their arrival in Fairfield to battle Jack Barnes’ “Midnight Express”, fresh off its weekly late night run to Memphis. While the Woosiers sport a sparkling record and a healthy point total to match, a number of teams around them have similar point totals, enough that a poor showing, coupled with several strong strategic performances, could leave the Woosiers dangerously exposed. Fortunately for Tommy, in addition to having no problem exposing himself, he can take control of eliminating one of those rivals by dispatching of the PowerSleds, a team with a team with a larger point total but needing a win to qualify for the championship bracket. At practice all week, Jack was heard doing his best Apollo Creed impression by imploring his team that “There is no tomorrow! There is no tomorrow, Rock!” The fact that no one on his team is named Rocky, or even Italian as far as the Wizard knows, seems to have escaped Jack. Nevertheless, the point is well taken, but thankfully for Jack it will not take a “Hail Mary”, or an inexplicably poor performance by Clubber Lang, to win and cover the spread.

Wizard’s Winner…the PowerSleds.

Blitz vs. Dogs

Misery loves company, something that should hardly ring hollow in T-town where Jerry Fritz’s “Tusk-a-losers” prepare for their regular season finale against Mark Burr and the “Baskerville Hounds”, a match up that could allow the Blitz to sack the Dogs chances of reaching the playoffs. The Blitz officially got clipped last week, and would love nothing better than to return the favor, something a win over the Dogs would allow them to do. Still, relying on Donovan McNabb, especially in December, is risky business indeed for the Blitz meaning they may need to dial up a few new stunts if they expect to pressure the Dogs to any degree. Although 9.5 points is lot of ground to make up, the Great Wizardo says the Dogs will chew up the spread like bubble gum, and promptly spit it, and the Blitz, out.

Wizard’s Winner…the Dogs.

 BDFL Scorecard

Wizard 52	ELVO 52

Latest Lines

2009 Week 14

GRE @ WIL (P)

WOO @ PS (-1.5)

WIZ @ GAM (-2.5)

SM (-3.5) @ MAY

CHE (-4.5) @ FS

BLZ @ DOG (-9.5)

BOO @ BUL (-10.5)

JUG @ WW (-11.5)

ALL TEAMS PLAYING

Prognosticator

of the Year

This is the highest award for fantasy football prognosticating. It is affectionally known as the POTY among fantasy football prognosticators and fantasy football handicappers. It is awarded annually to the best fantasy football prognosticator in the world. The POTY!

The POTY was captured by the Evil Las Vegas Oddsmakers (ELVO) in 2008 with a 69-67 game vict'ry margin over the Wizard

Wizard's Quote

of the Week

"Meanwhile, the “Canton In-breds” have proven beyond a reasonable doubt that breeding to close to the gene pool, while makin’ for some excellent banjo pickin’, doesn’t do much for their team’s constitutional make-up"

Wizard's Quote

of the Week II

"...leading the Great Wizardo to ponder if perhaps a bunch of rabbits are not breeding fast and furious in the Wooden Warriors’ backside because nothing else explains the rabbit’s foot they seem to pull out of their @$$ each week"

2009 Wisdom

2008 Wisdom

2007 Wisdom

2006 Wisdom

Past Wisdom

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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