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 TheBDFL.com          WIZARDZ WINNERZ                       2007

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The BDFL's Weekly Pigskin Prognostications

From The Wizard

Week #6

Grenades vs. Cheetahs

Chris Hand and his “Banana-eatin’ ‘B’ class Ballplayers” will load up their gloves, Easton 32” bats, microwave-cooked Tahiti blue dots, and a good supply of their trademark two-sizes-too-small, fire engine red, polyester coaching shorts for a trip back home to Birmingham to face Butch Neal and his “Fornicating Felines” in a key intra-divisional match-up down at the Riverchase Cat House. While Butch’s ladies of the evening are very accustomed to earning a living on their backs, they’re not so fond of having their backs against the wall, so taking the Grenades down a peg come Sunday afternoon would keep them in a much more favored position. Chris will be sure the Grenades hit the weight room hard this week to pump themselves before this showdown, but the Wizardo says that “Black Crick power” doesn’t play well in Shelby County. By the final horn, the Grenades will see why.

Wizard’s Winner…the Cheetahs.

Wizards vs. Bootleggers

After suffering an “A.W.” at the hands of the Wooden Warriors, only the taunts of “Irving Spikes, Irving Spikes” from the Warrior faithful that made the trip were any more painful than the results on the field. Merlin has come to the conclusion that his “Pasco Pirates” flag ship, the S.S. Good Ship Lollypop, is aptly named because this bunch is so bad they could suck a golf ball through a garden hose and still have change for a cold drink. Nevertheless, the Wizards will trim their sails and head north for Ohio in desperate need of a victry to battle the Bootleggers, although Merlin would gladly take simply scoring in double digits if offered the chance. The “Boot Strappers”, meanwhile, have been up and down this season more than the Cheetahs on “nickel night”, and they’re due to get their big, black Dodge back in gear this weekend.

Wizard’s Winner…the Bootleggers.

Dogs vs. Blitz

Mark Burr and his “Howl-o-weenie Hounds” have been downright frightening in their level of ineptness so far this season, and it is hard to find a silver lining in an otherwise dreary cloud of discontent. On the other side of the coin, the “Hamburg Huns” have taken the BDFL by storm in their first season and, in spite of a horrid performance in Week 5, are in serious contention for a coveted play off berth. On paper the Blitz clearly have the better team, but injuries and bye weeks make for a much more interesting game than it would otherwise appear to be. Further, one big week has seen ELVO get far too overconfident in setting his lines, as he is wont to do, and given the Dogs a 6.5 point cushion, which should be just enough to keep the Mutts off the hot seat at game’s end.

Wizard’s Winner…the Dogs.

Fighting Slovaks vs. Wooden Warriors

Plenty of old wounds will be opened anew when Jaimie Hand and the suddenly hot “Black Crick Spear Chuckers” welcome Cousin Adam and his “Helena Hip Hop Hoodlums” to the reservation this weekend for a family reunion that could turn bloody, and do so in short order. Both teams are fighting for the Green Horn Division lead and the winner figures to have the inside track as mid-season approaches. Through the years the Hand family, with good reason, has tried to distance themselves from the Slovensky blood that courses through their veins (except on the 4^th of July, of course), but the Wooden Warriors will be reminded of it early and often all weekend, and will likely recall why they first started denying any kinship in the first place. Nevertheless, it was a Slovensky that taught Jaimie to kick (Wizard’s Note: The Wizard still has a poster from when Ron Slovensky kicked for the old Mathew Reed-led Birmingham Vulcans in the short-lived WFL.), and it will be a Slovensky-related foot on his back side that Jaimie will remember most clearly when the dust settles Sunday evening.

Wizard’s Winner…the Fighting Slovaks.

Bullets vs. Gamblers

Jerome Hand and the “Running Bulls of Pamplona” looked more like “paper tigers” in Week 5 after getting trampled by the Woosiers. All season the Bullets have been living a lie, but it appears, as only the Great Wizardo could have foreseen, that the inevitable truth has risen to the surface and exposed the Bullets for they frauds they are. Nevertheless, the Bullets have still cobbled together an impressive point total and an equally impressive record that has them perched atop the Red Neck Division, but the Bullets have company in the form of Kenny Breal and the “Bayou Blackjack Bandits”, who will welcome the Bullets to the Gulf Coast this weekend to determine divisional supremacy. Instead of their usual digs at the Superdome, the Gamblers will play host to the Bullets for their one annual home game a year in Bayou La Batre. The Gamblers have no connection to Bayou La Batre, Kenny just knows the Great Wizardo likes to say “Bayou La Batre.” Unfortunately for the Bullets, it will be “Bye Bye La Batre” in terms of their division lead.

Wizard’s Winner…the Gamblers.

Juggernauts vs. PowerSleds

Allyson Edwards and her “Tokyo Rose Rice Rockets” lift off this weekend against “Jumpin’ Jack” Barnes and the “Lunatic Fringe Locomotives” in a must win game for both teams. With the Juggernauts and the PowerSleds hanging on to their championship dreams by the thinnest of threads, a poor performance here may well finish any realistic title hopes the loser may have had. However, though hanging precariously, these two are still well within sight of their respective divisional front runners lending even more significance to their match up at the Lankford Dolodome Sunday afternoon. While Allyson will have the hammer down and Jack stokin’ the fires to their maximum, it will be the Juggernauts that roll to a big win.

Wizard’s Winner…the Juggernauts.

Woosiers vs. Sloth Monsters

After drawing their tights (it’s the required uniform) and getting the mandatory-for-all-wrestlers’ lobotomy, Tommy Todd’s “Grungy Grapplers” head to Silver Lakes to play Mike Dismukes and the “Woblin’ Goblins.” While both teams are mired in their respective divisional standings, neither is out of the play off picture, at least not yet. The Sloth Monsters, in particular, are a mere 50+ yard touchdown run from 1st place while the Woosiers, though quite a bit further behind,  only need one of their patented second half surges to get back into contention. With the impending implosion from the Bullets beginning to gain steam, the Woosiers only need the Gamblers to draw a few bad hands before being right back in the middle of the hunt. However, any second half surge by the Woosiers will have to wait because the Sloth Monsters will be packing a particularly powerful punch on Sunday that should put the Woosiers down for the count.

Wizard’s Winner…the Sloth Monsters.

Mayors vs. Wildcats

In the Great Wizardo’s “Daily Double Play Pick of the Week”, Alan Arrington and his “Bleeding Heart Bureaucrats” hit the campaign trail to Rocky Ridge where Jerry James and the “Cat Scratch Fevers” await with claws sharpened to a fine razor’s edge. These two not only sit atop their respective divisional standings, they are also one-two in the overall point totals giving this veritable Clash of the Titans its share well deserved share of the limelight. While the Mayors’ 61 point explosion was easily the best one day total of the year, and eight more points than the woeful Wizards combined five week total, a more careful examination reveals a chink in the Mayors’ armor that will be hard to conceal from the powerful Wildcats. At its conclusion, expect the Wildcats to use their “quart ‘a blood” technique on the visiting pols leaving the Mayors a quart low on oil, too.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wildcats.

Wizard's Quote

of the Week

"Merlin has come to the conclusion that his “Pasco Pirates” flag ship, the S.S. Good Ship Lollypop, is aptly named because this bunch is so bad they could suck a golf ball through a garden hose and still have change for a cold drink"

2007 Wisdom

2006 Wisdom

Past Wisdom

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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