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 TheBDFL.com          WIZARDZ WINNERZ                       2007

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The BDFL's Weekly Pigskin Prognostications

From The Wizard

Week #7

PowerSleds vs. Grenades

In an A.W. for the ages and one that may require an entirely new category, “Mad Jack” Barnes and the “Jack-o-lamebrains” were steamrolled by the Juggernauts in Week 6 by a 64 point margin that may be in the record books for a long time to come, and will likely go down as a day in infamy for the city of Fairfield. Nevertheless, Jack will need to peel the PowerSleds’ carcass off the pavement just in time to meet Gray Beard Division rival Chris Hand and the “Nashville Scrotum Scratchers”, and had best get his troops patched up quickly before storming the Bastille in Brentwood if he has any hope of stemming the bleeding. On the same side of the coin and in addition to scratchin’ their nads, the Great Wizardo suspects the Grenades are scratchin’ their heads as well to try and figure out how to get their fall offensive in high gear. Fortunately for Chris, continuing to scratch his balls will likely suffice when it comes to slaying the Sleds.

Wizard’s Winner…the Grenades.

Sloth Monsters vs. Wizards

Mukes and the “Silver Lakes Pukes” have been hugging a commode more often than not this season when it comes to wins and losses, and find themselves desperately searching a much needed vict'ry in Week 7 despite being only two points out of 1st place in the Green Horn Division. Fortunately for Mukes and the Sloths, they will be paying a visit to Merlin and his woebegone “Pasco Pixies” who have proved to be little more than the tonic most of the BDFL peckin’ order has been searching for to help pad their stats and their win column, too. The Wizards’ magic elixir has proven to be so effective in producing wins for the opposition that Merlin plans to bottle and sell it outside of Raymond James stadium prior to kick-off, and the Great Wizardo says that while it may not cure hangovers quite as well as blue dog worming pills, it should be potent enough to send the Sloth Monsters home in fine fashion.

Wizard’s Winner…the Sloth Monsters.

Wooden Warriors vs. Gamblers

Despite sitting atop the Green Horn Division at the end of last season, Jaimie Hand and the “Wahoo Yahoos” sat by idly as the Wizards and Slovaks advanced to the play-offs due to the Warriors being tripped up by the “Bullet Rule.” Watching the arch rival Wizards roll through three play-off wins and a BDFL title only poured salt into an already raw wound, especially given the thrashing the Warriors gave the Wizards in the regular season finale. Unfortunately for Jaimie, 2007 looks like déjà vu all over again with the Wooden Warriors on top again in the division while sporting one win, five loss record. While in “Bulletland” such an occurrence would be cause for a celebration, in the real world it means the only way you go to the BDFL title game is with a ticket. Even worse, the Warriors have to travel to the Gulf Coast to battle Kenny Breal’s undefeated “Certified ‘B’ Class Bombers” in one game elimination, no home run limit, Tahiti Blue Dot-banned tournament. Although Jaimie was known for flashing some serious leather on the diamond, he’ll need a jumbo jet to snag any flies when Kenny’s banana-eaters start launching softballs into the stratosphere.

Wizard’s Winner…the Gamblers.

Bootleggers vs. Bullets

The “Benton Fraud Squad” has been exposed as more of a pretender than a contender after starting the year in strong fashion, this in spite of a roster full of “tainted ringers” courtesy of big brother and BDFL Commish Chris Hand. Nevertheless, the Bullets return home to the friendly confines of Trey Pettimore Stadium where they will meet Jon Wood and the “Rubber Burnin’ Retreads” in a Red Neck Division scrap, and one where the Bullets will have every intention of reasserting themselves at the expense of the visitors. Despite the best of intentions, a roster full of no names that are now playing down to their level will ultimately sink the Bullets’ chances of getting back in the win column while also pushing their postseason aspirations one step closer to the brink in the process.

Wizard’s Winner…the Bootleggers.

Dogs vs. Mayors

Based on the wide disparity in the points and won/loss columns, this week’s contest between Mark Burr’s “1st National Bank of Brookside Bookcookers” and Alan Arrington’s “Royal Runts” would appear to lean heavily in favor of the Mayors. However, a careful analysis by the Great Wizardo, combined with his trusty crystal ball, seems to indicate otherwise. You don’t win titles in the BDFL without a strong running attack, especially in November and December, and any semblance of a ground game is something the Mayors do not have. On the other side, the Dogs have shown little semblance of anything this year, and can only be thankful they are in the same league with the woeful Wizards or else they would be the caboose on the BDFL troop train. In the end, the Mayors probably should win based on the results thus far, but the Wiley One says layin’ 6.5 points is too much for the Mayors to overcome, even when it’s the Dogs getting’ the benefit of the betting line.

Wizard’s Winner…the Dogs.

Blitz vs. Cheetahs

Jerry Fritz’s “Druid City Pagans” had cooled off somewhat after initially exploding out of the gate before rebounding with a much needed vict’ry last Sunday. Unfortunately for the Blitz and the rest of the Yellow Hammer Division, the Juggernauts used last week to check out from the rest of the pack leaving Jerry and the other division members scrambling in an effort to reel the Nauts back in. If the Blitz have any intention of getting back into the play-off mix, they’ll need to begin their ascent this weekend when they pay a visit to Riverchase to play meet Butch Neal and his “Feline Fur Balls” down at the Cat House. The Great Wizardo says the stench emanating from the Riverchase Cathouse can be somewhat offensive, especially at low tide, but he also says the Blitz’s performance will likely smell even worse.

Wizard’s Winner…the Cheetahs.

Juggernauts vs. Wildcats

Led by a powerful running attack that posted 54 points last weekend, Allyson Edwards and the “Bra Burners” proved they can burn rice or bras with equal aplomb, and are more than willing to burn both simultaneously, but only for a fee. However, the Nauts will have to do more than roll their helmets out on the field this weekend when they battle Jerry James and the “Pole Cat Possums” in a showdown between two legitimate title contenders. The Cats are equally lethal through the air or on the ground and figure to give the Juggernauts more than they bargained before the sun sets on Sunday evening. Although the Nauts will be on their toes and won’t be fooled if Jerry’s playin’ possum, it still won’t be enough for them to leave town in one piece.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wildcats.

Fighting Slovaks vs. Woosiers

Tommy Todd and the “West Blount Love Guns” figure to be firing from the hip early and often when Adam Slovensky and his “Carnival Coaster Kids” roll into Smoke Rise this weekend. The Woosiers are mired in the Red Neck Division standings and although the Slovaks have a similar point total, they are very much in the hunt for the Green Horn Division lead. Even worse for the Tommy, while Week 6 saw the Woosiers post some impressive numbers, the Great Wizardo says this bunch is more sizzle than steak, and will likely come up a few bites short of a meal at crunch time. ELVO can’t get off the fence in his pick’em line, but the Wizard has no such trouble.

Wizard’s Winner…the Fighting Slovaks.

Wizard's Quote

of the Week

"The Wizards’ magic elixir has proven to be so effective in producing wins for the opposition that Merlin plans to bottle and sell it outside of Raymond James stadium prior to kick-off, and the Great Wizardo says that while it may not cure hangovers quite as well as blue dog worming pills, it should be potent enough to send the Sloth Monsters home in fine fashion."

2007 Wisdom

2006 Wisdom

Past Wisdom

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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