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 TheBDFL.com          WIZARDZ WINNERZ                       2008

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The BDFL's Weekly Pigskin Prognostications

From The Wizard

Week 7

Dogs vs. Wizards

Traveling to Benton, AL is only slightly less appealing than a root canal sans the anesthesia, but it is even more painful when you all you get for your troubles is an “A.W.” and a rude send off back home, which is exactly what happened to the “Pasco Pixies” last weekend versus the Bullets. The Wiz would have much preferred a tee shirt instead, but will have to settle for much less heading back to the Gator Country where the wine and the women are free. Fortunately for the Wizards, Mark Burr and the “Banking Meltdown Mongrels” will be there to greet them upon their arrival giving the Wizards cause to revive their battered egos. So far this season the Dogs have been little more bait for the BDFL opposition and Merlin plans on chumming the waters aplenty prior to game time Sunday afternoon at Raymond James Stadium. The Dogs have been hurt by a gimpy LT and had best have their main stud at something well above a trot before this weekend or face certain annihilation. ELVO is layin’ heavy points on the Wizards, but he probably should slathered on even more.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wizards.

Fighting Slovaks vs. Blitz

The BDFL High Command is in conference at this very hour to determine if the Fighting Slovaks should have their green card pulled and slotted for immediate deportation proceedings to begin after notching the first shut out in BDFL history. Even worse, according to WARTS Adam’s entire roster only scored 3 points. Now the Great Wizardo has often questioned why the Slovakians have wondered the globe trying through the centuries, often in vain, to find someone to take them in out of the cold. After all, they seem like a mostly affable lot that’s willing to share their beer and barbecue, although much to the Wizard’s chagrin they do stop at sharing their women. But two out of three ain’t bad so the Wizard will have to just settle. No wonder the Polacks started ending their sir names in “ski” instead of “sky.” Still, the “Idiot Immigrants” have to get back in the saddle and hobble to Tuscaloosa to take on the “Beer Garden Bavarians” Sunday afternoon with hopes of regaining what little pride the Slovaks still had after last week’s catastrophe. Unfortunately for Adam, it won’t be nearly enough.

Wizard’s Winner…the Blitz.

Mayors vs. Cheetahs

After an impressive drubbing of the Woodskins last Sunday, Alan Arrington take his campaign on on whistle stop tour through Riverchase where they plan to show off their Gray Beard Division lead and a BDFL best .860 winning percentage in addition to telling the local constituency lies, half truths, concoctions, and make promises he never intends to keep.  Meanwhile the proud Cheetahs may need a quick trip to their plastic surgeon to nip and tuck some of the cracks developing in their dynastic hide this season as they have staggered, tripped and fallen so far this season with little hope of getting up. Nevertheless, the “Sin City Sex Kittens” will still be heating up the sheets for the Mayors when they arrive, but will find that though politics does make strange bedfellows, it won’t be nearly enough to stop their slide or even cover.

Wizard’s Winner…the Mayors.

Grenades vs. Bullets

The Great Wizardo says if you’re gonna’ win ugly, win ugly early so you get the best of the uglies, something Chris Hand and the “Brentwood War Pigs” took to heart after winning a nauseous affair in Week 6 against division rival Butch Neal. Nevertheless, the “dubya” keeps Chris “bowl eligible” with a .500 record although his path to the title is much more mottled than only a scant two weeks ago. Meanwhile, middle bro’ Bullet spent most of Sunday afternoon and evening dislodging the boot he broke off in the Wizards’ backside, and have plans to break it off in the Grenades as well. Baling wire, glue, and copious amounts of spit have kept these two injury plagued teams afloat, but both had better start healing fast if they plan to continue making noise later in the season. The Wizardo is preparing to make one of his patented, backbreaking runs on ELVO that have proved so devastating to the Wizard wannabe and says there’ll be plenty of bodies burning as the Grenade war machine keeps turning through Benton Sunday evening.

Wizard’s Winner…the Grenades.

Sloth Monsters vs. Woosiers

The “Love Gun Lolas” from Smoke Rise will host the “Lake Cyrus Muke Mutants” Sunday afternoon in a match up between two teams flying well under the radar yet have the potency to make deep playoff runs. The BDFL schedule maker finally gave the high-powered Sloths a break after they repeatedly putting up impressive numbers this season only to more often than not see the opposition thwart their chances at victory by having career games. In order to make up for the imbalance, the Sloths enjoyed another display of firepower while recording the first shut out in BDFL history versus the Slovaks. It gives Mukes something to tell his grand kids one day. However, the Sloth Monsters had best not use the Fighting Slovaks as a measuring stick or they will find the bitter taste of defeat a hard thing to wash down with the champagne (that the Wiz understands taste just like Cherry Cola) the Woosiers will provide. Regardless, the Great Wizardo sees problems on the Sloth Monster roster for the next few weeks, some of which will manifest themselves on Sunday.

Wizard’s Winner…the Woosiers.

Gamblers vs. Bootleggers

When you’re used to holding at least an inside straight but find yourself consistently having little more to offer than a pair of threes, life can get pretty frustrating at the table, something Kenny Breal and the “Bayou One-Armed Bandits” have experienced first hand in 2008. Not to be outdone, fellow division rival “Judge Dredd” Jon Wood shares the bottom rung of their division heading into Week 7. Both teams won last week staving off the inevitable crossing off of their names as serious BDFL contenders, but one will likely find themselves back on that list come Sunday evening.  Nevertheless, while the home standing Canton Bootleggers hope to be doing the Harlem / Super Bowl Shuffle by games end, the Wizard says it will more closely resemble the Funky Chicken, or perhaps the African Anteater Ritual.

Wizard’s Winner…the Gamblers.   

Juggernauts vs. Wildcats

Allyson and her “Wonder Land Wunderkinds” take their rabbit holes, Cheshire cats, and Mad Hatters to Rocky Ridge to play inter-divisional foe Jerry James and the “Stoned Cats” this weekend. The two are on opposite ends of the division, but a kind schedule maker still has Allyson in contention with a .500 record. While the Juggernauts will likely be holding the guillotine threatening Queen of Hearts in reserve, Allyson and the Nauts may want to strongly consider bringing her to the party from the flip of the coin because the Wildcats are playing as if on a mission and will likely be under orders to give no quarter to the opposition. In the end, and despite the 6.5 points from ELVO, it will still be the Cats lopping off any chance the Juggernauts have at escaping with a win, or covering the spread.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wildcats.

Power Sleds vs. Wooden Warriors

After taking an almost “A.W.” from Graybeard Division foe Alan Arrington and the Mayors, Jaimie Hand and the “Black Crick Nation” welcome another Graybeard Division member to the reservation in the form of “Howlin’” Jack Barnes and the “Dolodome Dragsters”. The Wooden Warriors typically find a way to hang around long enough to get an invite to the BDFL Big Dance before fading like an old pair of blue jeans. Not too unlike when Jaimie used to hang out on his father-in-law’s front porch beggin’ for Bama tix, and usually finding away to walk away with the prize. However, this season the Warriors are already beginning to show signs of their patented late season fade and had best put on their Sunday best when the Power Sleds arrive because rest assured the visitors will roll into Fultondale hitting on all cylinders with plans to leave nothing behind but the smell of burning rubber. In the end, it is highly unlikely the Warriors will be able to get the wagons (or wigwams in this case) circled fast enough to stop the inevitable massacre.

Wizard’s Winner…the PowerSleds.

Wizard's Quote

of the Week

"Now the Great Wizardo has often questioned why the Slovakians have wondered the globe trying through the centuries, often in vain, to find someone to take them in out of the cold. After all, they seem like a mostly affable lot that’s willing to share their beer and barbecue, although much to the Wizard’s chagrin they do stop at sharing their women. But two out of three ain’t bad so the Wizard will have to just settle. No wonder the Polacks started ending their sir names in “ski” instead of “sky."

2008 Wisdom

2007 Wisdom

2006 Wisdom

Past Wisdom

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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