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From The Crystal Ball
The BDFL's Weekly Pigskin Prognostications

By The Wizard

Week 9

Grenades vs. Gamblers

Chris Hand and the “Werewolves of Loudon”, Loudon, TN that is, make their annual trek down to the Bayou to battle Kenny Breal and the “Demon Dealers” where the loser will likely see his play off hopes take a mortal blow. The last two weeks have seen the “Wolfbacks” back on the prowl, but they had best continue in their role as the hunter if they harbor any dreams of keeping their postseason hopes alive. Despite being in second place in their division, the once feared “certified ‘B’ class ballplayers” from Bayou La Batre have hit enough cans of corn this season to feed a third world country. Even worse, the Great Wizardo sees little in their future to think the Gamblers will get off their vegetarian diet anytime soon, but with Pac Man and his gold chains, teeth, and jewelry taking the week off it’s highly unlikely there will be another Music City miracle for the Grenades.

Wizard’s Winner…the Gamblers.

Woosiers vs. Mayors

With Tommy Todd predicting on draft day that his team was built for the second half of the season, it appears he neglected to factor in that the first half of the season counts as well. After starting the second half of the BDFL regular season on a losing note last weekend the “Schmoozers” are in desperate need of victories and points by the bunch. Unfortunately for Tommy, both may be in short supply when they face Alan Arrington and the resurgent “JeffCo Favorite Sons” at Lawson Field Sunday afternoon. Lawson Field is the site of Mike Needham’s one glorious moment in Gardendale Rocket history when he barely snuck a field goal, and the words “barely” and “snuck” does it more justice than it deserves, just over the bottom right corner of the goal post late in the 4^th quarter to give the Rockets a come from behind victory over heavily favored Woodlawn. Alas, it was short lived because Jaimie Hand came on to kick the game winner against Cullman a week later on his way to an eventual Family Buffet Player of the Year award a year later and the free lifetime buffet pass that went with it, which is how he feeds all nine of his kids. But I digress…

Wizard’s Winner…the Mayors.

Bootleggers vs. Cheetahs

Given their season to this point, the Woods’ Brothers big, black Dodge would be well advised to hit the pace car next time it rolls out on the track because the Bootleggers have hit every other car in the field in 2006 and it is the closest they will come to a perfect season. Meanwhile, the “No-knockin-if-it’s-rockin’ Sin Wagon” has Butch Neal on a path to another potential BDFL title. Nevertheless, the Cheetahs cannot afford a letdown with the PowerSleds continuing their mastery of the league hierarchy if they plan to make a run at the division title. Fortunately for Butch, the Cheetahs should get more than enough licks in on the visitors to get to the middle of a Tootsie Pop and beyond.

Wizard’s Winner…the Cheetahs.   

Fighting Slovaks vs. Juggernauts

The “High Octane Hondos” are coming off successive wins and successive 46 point outings that have taken them from the Yellow Hammer cellar to a comfortable lead. That being said, trouble still lurks around each corner because the Juggernauts can only afford one more slip before putting themselves on the brink of automatic elimination. Paying them a visit on Sunday will be Adam Slovensky and his “Rappin Rednecks” from Helena. After seeing the dismal sales of their first hip hop album, the Slovaks switched genres to Shakespeare (think “Rock me Amadeus”) in an effort to change their bad fortune. Although it worked last weekend, it is highly unlikely the Nauts will stop rollin’ long enough to allow a sufficient amount of moss to grow on their stones in order to give the Slovaks a chance to run for shelter. In one of Shakespeare’s plays, Macbeth, Macbeth kills his father, the King, and utters “who would have known the old man had so much blood in him?” While it may be something of a blood letting for the Slovaks, they be able to staunch the flow long enough to cover.

Wizard’s Winner…the Fighting Slovaks.

Wizards vs. Blades

Although Merlin and his motley crew of downtrodden “Dream Weavers” are still very much in the thick of the Green Horn play off race, injuries and parking misadventures have plagued them all season and another week without Trent Green or Shaun Alexander able to answer the bell, the latter is especially painful, their chances of advancing to the postseason are beginning to take a turn for the worse, especially after nursing their wounds from the A.W. administered last week by the Sleds. Meanwhile, awaiting the Wizards arrival will be Lyle Arrington and the “Bong Burners” who still have play off aspirations of their own. The Blades do not look strong on paper, but have managed to win their share of games with some timely and clutch performances. This one won’t be decided until the fat lady sings, but once she waddles off stage it will be the Wizards who are left standing, if only barely.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wizards.

Power Sleds vs. Bullets

If one values his long term health, puttin’ on your hard hat and buckling your chin strap well before you cross the Edmund Pettis Bridge are essential if you want to leave town with your skull in one piece because the “Selma Saturday Night Specials” have been on target in recent weeks and have used their recent power surge to jump out to a commanding lead in the Red Neck Division. However, the recent fodder for the Bullets hardly compares to the “Midnight Train from Memphis” that is headed their way under full steam. Two BDFL titles back in the dark ages of the BDFL were all that remained of the ruins of the once mighty Power Sled dynasty. Until this year that is. 2006 has seen the Sleds mush their way back to the top of the Gray Beard Division with no signs that they plan to lay on the brakes anytime soon. The local rabble will be well liquored up by the time the Sleds pull into the station house for their Sunday night primetime match up, but it will be the Sleds leaving incriminating track marks on the home team’s back that will ultimately tell the tale.

Wizard’s Winner…the Power Sleds.

Wildcats vs. Wooden Warriors

Jerry James and his “Cat ‘a Nine Tails” would have been better served to have taken nine lives instead after a poor first half of the season has dealt a death blow to their title hopes. Speaking of disastrous starts, neither the Hindenburg or the Titanic sank as quickly as have the “Cringin’ Injuns” in 2006. Known for their consistently strong teams, the Wooden Warriors have inexplicably fallen and can’t get up and have largely been reduced to playing the role of the spoiler the rest of the year. All of this in spite of fielding a very solid line-up. Fortunately for Jaimie, spoiling the season for the Wildcats requires practically nothing on his part since the Cats’ year is already in shambles, but Sunday afternoon still represents a prime opportunity for the Warriors to come out and play while also salvaging some dignity.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wooden Warriors.

Dogs vs. Sloth Monsters

Fresh off losing their supremacy in Brookside after choking to the Bullets in Week 8, Mark Burr’s “K-9 Crew” leaves the friendly confines of their paw-paw patch to pay a visit to Mike Dismukes and his “Bark Chewin’ Tri-toed Tree Huggers” this weekend. The Sloth Monsters hold a slim lead and a sterling 6 & 2 record in the Green Horn Division and control their own destiny the rest of the way. Whether controlling their own destiny is good or bad news for the Sloths is open to interpretation. Recent weeks have seen the Dogs begin to lose touch with the rest of the Yellow Hammer pack, but with the red-hot Nauts still teetering on the brink of elimination with six losses, a play off run can still be salvaged. Unfortunately it may not be in the cards for Mark, especially if Mike makes a beer run before turning in his starting line-up. ELVO’s layin’ heavy on the Sloth Monsters and the Great Wizardo is jumping on his bandwagon.

Wizard’s Winner…the Sloth Monsters.

Wizard's Quote

of the Week

" Despite being in second place in their division, the once feared “certified ‘B’ class ballplayers” from Bayou La Batre have hit enough cans of corn this season to feed a third world country"

2006 Wisdom

Past Wisdom

2005 Back Big Daddies: w1  w2  w3  w4  w5  w6  w7  w8  w9  w10  w11  w12  w13  w14  w15  w16  w17

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blades | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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