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 TheBDFL.com          WIZARDZ WINNERZ                       2007

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The BDFL's Weekly Pigskin Prognostications

From The Wizard

Week 10

Bootleggers vs. Blitz

After headin’ north of the Mason-Dixon line to Ohio, Jon Wood and his “Hooch Haulin’ Hillbillies” have been like a fish out of water recently, and their BDFL stock has begun to decline as well in recent weeks. So much in fact that recently the head hillbilly himself was heard muttering, “The stations up here don’t sign off with Dixie, the way they do in Sweet Home Alabam. And the people here don’t drink Jack Daniel’s Whiskey, the way they do in the Tennessee mountain land.”, and while the Great and Glorious Wizardo would wholeheartedly agree with the Bootleggers’ assessment of our Yankee brethren, crying over spilled milk won’t get them any closer to qualifying for the championship series. On the other hand, the “Druid City Drug Peddlers” were a tough luck loser in Week 9 and find themselves reeling in the Yellow Hammer standings, the BDFL’s most competitive division in 2007. Although the Wizard questions if the rookies have anything left in their tank for the stretch run, it shouldn’t matter when the Bootleggers come a callin’ because fumes should be more than enough to subdue the visitors.

Wizard’s Winner…the Blitz.

Grenades vs. Bullets

Once thought to be left for dead by everyone in the BDFL, except the Wizard of course, Jerome Hand and the “Bull Sheeters” have plowed their way back into contention after another stirring victory in Week 9 while making themselves right at home in the middle of the BDFL championship “stove top” discussions. Not to be out done, big bro’ Chris reopened the “Green Springs Glue Factory” last weekend with capital results, and has even bigger plans Sunday afternoon when the Hand Clan “Bloody Reunion” begins yet another installment of their rivalry. Nevertheless, as of press time the Grenades are still a victim of the “Bullet Rule” despite sitting atop the Gray Beard standings, and had best not start patting themselves on the back any time in the near future if they plan to go dancing in the play-offs. Unfortunately for Chris, their Tennessee Waltz will likely not fare too well against the self-described “Shag King” of Benton.

Wizard’s Winner…the Bullets.

Juggernauts vs. Sloth Monsters

Despite unleashing a terrifying ground attack in Week 9, “Alice-son in Wonderland” and the “Mad Hatters” still had their proverbial hats handed to them last week in a stunning upset, and will need to see how quickly they can reload before they get to Silver Lakes this weekend to battle Mike Dismukes and the “Franken Freaks” as the Nauts continue their quest to win the Yellow Hammer Division title and capture a first ever berth in the BDFL championship play-offs. Meanwhile, despite holding the slimmest of leads in the Green Horn Division, the Sloth Monsters are still a sub .500 team and need to ring up at least three victories before racking up three defeats in order to even qualify for the right to advance to the Big Dance. Unfortunately for the home hangin’ Sloths, the Juggernaut ground assault will be too much for the “Tree Huggers” to stop, or likely slow down enough to even cover the spread leaving Mukes one game closer to the brink.

Wizard’s Winner…the Juggernauts. 

Wizards vs. Mayors

Once steaming August morning (it was the second Wednesday in August to be exact) the Wizard (but a young, impressionable, sophomore apprentice at the time) was walking back to the locker room after football practice thrilled with the knowledge that Alabama High School Hall of Fame member Coach Eddie Bruce had just given his weary troops the afternoon off, which was nothing short of a miracle in itself. As the Wizard trudged in from the field with Jeff Hall and future GHS, UA, and NFL legend Curt Jarvis, the smell of the diesel fuel used to mark off football field lines in the baseball outfield still fresh in their nostrils, Jeff Hall remarked to no one in particular, “I’m gonna’ go find me some p#$$%, and get in it all day long”, to which Curt remarked, “Me, too.” The young Wizard said nothing, but thought to himself, “Gee, that’s just great, and to think I’m looking forward to watching Gilligan’s Island reruns with my grandmother”, with any thoughts of a rosy afternoon off now but a distant memory. The point is everything in life is relevant only when taken into the context of everything else around it. The Mayors should take heed of this lesson well learned on that sultry August morn some 25 years ago because their contender status will change to one of a pretender.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wizards.

Power Sleds vs. Fighting Slovaks

“Little Jack Horner” and the rest of the “Plum Pulling Thumb Thugs” are in a state of chaos as the second half of the season gets into full swing while his opponents, the Fighting Slovaks, are now toiling at the bottom of their division standing as well after spending most of the early part of the year at the top. As both teams fortunes began to slip drastically, the rats started scurrying overboard in droves, and the Great Wizardo sees little respite for either team the rest of the way. Although BDFL rules dictate there can be no ties, these two wrecks give cause to reconsider that ruling. In the end, the “Slovakian Slug-a-Bugs” will find a way to win, or more accurately, not “out sorry” the Sleds.

Wizard’s Winner…the Fighting Slovaks.

Cheetahs vs. Gamblers

While they may be in 3rd place in the Gray Beard Division, Butch Neal’s “Sin Wagon City Slickers” are only a “Nickel Night at the Cat House” away from wresting divisional control away from his fellow pretenders. In the other corner, Kenny Breal’s “Cajun Coon @$$es” have been cruising at the top of the Red Neck Division from day one with hopes of sending a message to the visiting Cheetahs of what they might expect should these two square off again in the play-offs. The one certainty in this match-up is that enough laws will be broken between these two vice lords to bring “Nawlins” and the rest of the Bayou state to the brink of being tossed out of the Union or, even worse, sold back to the French at pennies on the dollar. However, the Wizard’s crystal ball says that in the end the Cheetahs should have just enough bite to cover the Vegas spread.

Wizard’s Winner…the Cheetahs.

Woosiers vs. Dogs

The Great Wizardo always says, “Let a sleepin’ dog lie.”, because to do otherwise invites a pair of fangs to be sunk into one’s backside, something the erstwhile Gamblers learned the hard way despite posting impressive numbers in Week 9. Until recently, Mark Burr’s “Flea Bitten Beagles” hopes of making any noise in the BDFL were about as dead as the dog found in the outfield by the Gardendale contingency at a softball “two & cue” tourney at old Stockham Valve Field. The Wizard always wondered if Bucket had given the dog the blue worming pill instead of Mukes, that fateful day may have turned out better for both Mukes and the dog. Nevertheless, the Mutts hope to prove they’re truly more bite than bark at the expense of Tommy Todd’s “Who?siers” when they put toe to leather this weekend at Five Mile Crick Park, not to be confused with Ol’ Man Kelsie’s Crick Park. Unfortunately for the Woosiers, they will find out their “built-for-the-2nd-half-of-the-season” predictions will continue to fall on deaf ears.

Wizard’s Winner…the Dogs.

Wooden Warriors vs. Wildcats

Jerry James and the “Cat Scratch Fevers” have caused many a temperature to spike around the BDFL this season after setting a blistering pace for the rest of the BDFL to try and follow, with precious little success the Wizard might add. Next up in the Wildcat barber chair for a trim ‘n shave is Jaimie Hand and the “Cringin’ Injuns” who despite struggling most of the season find themselves a single point out of first place, and but a single win under the “Bullet Line” heading into Week 10. Playing under the radar seems to suit the Warriors to a “T”, and the Wildcats had best hang on tight to their scalps and circle the wagons when the Woodskins arrive. Unfortunately for Jerry, that still won’t be enough because what would appear to be a walk over on paper will most likely end up being a full combat brawl with the Wildcats going down like a sack of bricks.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wooden Warriors.

Wizard's Quote

of the Week

"Gee, that’s just great, and to think I’m looking forward to watching Gilligan’s Island reruns with my grandmother"

Wizard's Quote

of the Week II

"The one certainty in this match-up is that enough laws will be broken between these two vice lords to bring “Nawlins” and the rest of the Bayou state to the brink of being tossed out of the Union or, even worse, sold back to the French at pennies on the dollar"

Wizard's Quote

of the Week III

"The Wizard always wondered if Bucket had given the dog the blue worming pill instead of Mukes, that fateful day may have turned out better for both Mukes and the dog"

2007 Wisdom

2006 Wisdom

Past Wisdom

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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