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 TheBDFL.com          WIZARDZ WINNERZ                       2007

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The BDFL's Weekly Pigskin Prognostications

From The Wizard

Week #5

Juggernauts vs. Blitz

In Week Four Jerry Fritz and his jackbooted, goose stepping “Druid City Storm Troopers” found out the hard way that life in the BDFL is ruled by the law of the jungle where on the strong survive. To put an exclamation point it, the Wildcats used the Blitz as little more than a litter box last Sunday afternoon. And things won’t get much easier when they return to the friendly confines of Bryant-Denney Stadium to take on Allyson Edwards and the “Bra Burners” this Sunday afternoon. Despite being in third place in the Yellow Hammer division, the Juggernauts are well within striking distance of the front running Blitz, and see this weekend as an opportune time to make a statement to the rest of the BDFL rank ‘n file. Unfortunately for Allyson, that statement will be that the Nauts are not quite ready for prime time because while burning bras may get you a sound bite on the evening news, it won’t necessarily give you a win in the rough ‘n tumble BDFL.

Wizard’s Winner…the Blitz.

Wooden Warriors vs. Wizards

In their annual backyard brawl, Jaimie Hand and the “Fultondale Feces Fetchers” make the trek to Tampa to battle Merlin and the “Magical Mystery Ship” in what has developed into a bitter rivalry over the years. However, this year these two are pulling up the caboose of the Green Horn Division train and piling up losses at a frightening rate, and there’s precious little relief on the horizon. In particular, the Wizards have a pair of “Toilet Seat” awards to show for their efforts over the past couple of weeks, which is apropos given their performance this year is perhaps one of the crappiest in recent BDFL history. Nevertheless, pride and prejudice will still be on the line when toe meets leather at kick off, so expect both to pull on their Sunday duds and put their best foot forward. Nevertheless, the Wooden Warriors are simply not very good, but the Wizards have been even worse. The state of Alabama may give thanks to the Good Lord for Mississippi, but for this week at least Merlin will be equally as thankful for the Tribe, and for the same reasons.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wizards.

Mayors vs. Grenades

The “Nashville Sag Sacks” come home to Birmingham on Sunday to play shadow commissioner Alan Arrington and the “Steal City Tax or Takers” in an intra-divisional match up in the hotly contested Gray Beard Division. The Grenades are in the thick of the divisional hunt while the Mayors are quietly making progress towards the top of the standings after an impressive Week Four.  Sometimes winning the always fiercely contested Graybeard is the biggest hurdle any of its four members has to face in route to a BDFL title, and despite being an early season match-up, the winner of this game not only helps their chances in the division, they also move one step closer to the Mendoza Line of seven victories. The little ol’ crystal ball says these two are evenly matched, but this week the Mayors won’t have the luxury of any overly favorable behind-the-scenes help from the Iron Handed Commissioner as is usually the case, and that will ultimately seal his fate.

Wizard’s Winner…the Grenades.

Fighting Slovaks vs. Sloth Monsters

Mike Dismukes and his “Three Toed Tree Hangers” not only edged their division rivals, the Wooden Warriors, in Week Four, they also managed to slip past the Fighting Slovaks into first place in the division for good measure. However, there is little time to celebrate in Silver Lakes with the Sloth Monsters’ Helena cross town rival, the Fighting Slovaks, poised to pay them a visit on Sunday afternoon. After posting a 50 spot recently, reality brought the “Polka Prancing Slovaks” back to earth faster than the Hindenburg last Sunday and staved off the apocalypse for at least another week. With a few days to nurse their wounds, Adam Slovensky and the Slovaks hope to rebound at the Sloth Monster’s expense. Nevertheless, at a social gathering Mukes once took out his pistol, placed it on the dash of his car, and declared that now the police couldn’t arrest him for carrying a concealed weapon. It’s hard to argue with that kind of logic, and it’s equally hard to argue against the Sloth Monsters continuing their winning ways at the expense of the Slovaks.

Wizard’s Winner…the Sloth Monsters.

Woosiers vs. Bullets

When they’re not fleecing the hardworking taxpayers of Alabama, Bullet and his “Bloated Hillbilly Bureaucrats” have been carving a wide path of destruction through the BDFL. For the Bullets to have their collective fingers stuck in their rear ends is hardly newsworthy since it is such a common occurrence. 2007 has been no different except while the Bullets have had said fingers implanted in their rear ends as usual, they’ve been pulling out miraculous victories instead of the usual standard fare leaving the BDFL hierarchy at a loss to explain it. With stout defensive efforts posting 30 points so far this year and Plaxico Burress adding another 21, which is more than he totals in most years to say nothing of doing so in only four weeks, the Bullets are beginning to make believers out of the rest of the league. Meanwhile, Tommy Todd and the “Long Barreled Love Guns” have done little more than shoot themselves in the foot through the first quarter of the season. However, the Woosiers will find a target rich environment when they arrive at Trey Pettimore Stadium Sunday afternoon, and will also see that the smoke & mirrors the Bullets have been using to addle their opponents will have largely dissipated by game time.

Wizard’s Winner…the Woosiers.

Power Sleds vs. Cheetahs

In what amounts to a tale of two cities, “Mad Jack” Barnes and the “Electric Boogaloos” began to short circuit as soon as the green flag fell this year while the “Riverchase Sin Wagon” has been rocking at maximum tilt since day one. While the Cheetahs seemed destined for a run at a third BDFL title (the first two being untainted), the Power Sleds are slowly sinking into a morass of mediocrity. The Wizard sees nothing in his crystal ball that would lead him to believe that the fortunes of either will change before the end of the weekend, and that no one should come knockin’ when the Sin Wagon’s rockin. And rockin’ it will be doing plenty of this weekend.

Wizard’s Winner…the Cheetahs.

Gamblers vs. Bootleggers

The last time Jon Woods’ big, black Johnson County Sheriffs Dodge was seen, the scent of whisky burning down Copperhead Road was in the air, and while it doesn’t smell exactly like napalm in the morning, it did smell like…vict'ry…as the Bootleggers bounced back with a big win last week and a solid point total to match. While the Bootleggers still have a mighty big mountain to climb, at least they’ve proved they may yet have the horses under the hood to do it. And they’ll need every ounce of horsepower they can muster when Kenny Breal and his “Black Magic Mulattos” arrive this coming weekend. The Gamblers are one big week away from wresting control of the Red Neck Division from the Bullets, and Kenny figures the Gamblers have wrestled enough gators down in the Wooly Swamps of Louisiana to make taking over the top spot look as easy as taking candy from a baby. And the Wizard wholeheartedly concurs.

Wizard’s Winner…the Gamblers.

Dogs vs. Wildcats

Jerry James has his Wildcats doing the “Stray Cat Strut” through four games of the season, and doesn’t figure Mark Burr and the “Less-than-Fabulous Free Birds” will offer themselves up as little more than an appetizer when they pay a visit to Rocky Ridge this weekend. Meanwhile, the Dogs have only the woeful Wizards to thank for keeping them out of the BDFL cellar although the doghouse they’ve been in this season offers precious few more creature comforts. It’s hard to imagine the Dogs leaving Rocky Ridge any other way than with their tails tucked between their legs. However, though the Great Wizardo sees a victory for the Wildcats, the forecast for them covering the spread aren’t nearly as rosy.

Wizard’s Winner…the Dogs.

Wizard's Quote

of the Week

"For the Bullets to have their collective fingers stuck in their rear ends is hardly newsworthy since it is such a common occurrence. 2007 has been no different except while the Bullets have had said fingers implanted in their rear ends as usual, they’ve been pulling out miraculous vict'ries instead of the usual standard fare leaving the BDFL hierarchy at a loss to explain it"

2007 Wisdom

2006 Wisdom

Past Wisdom

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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