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 TheBDFL.com          WIZARDZ WINNERZ                       2008

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The BDFL's Weekly Pigskin Prognostications

From The Wizard

Week 9

Fighting Slovaks vs. Dogs

The Great Wizardo was heard to utter the other day that Mark Burr’s “Pitiful Pups” must have been nursed on Milk of Magnesia because the Dogs are descending into what may be one of the crappiest team in BDFL history. The Wizard further added that the Dogs had best get weaned off the teat in short order if they harbor any hopes of not settling in the BDFL cellar for a second straight year. Not to be outdone, the “Neon EuroPeons” have hardly lit up the BDFL this season either and have managed to secure an infamous place in history by posting the league’s first shut out two weeks ago, and things have barely improved since than after another beat down last Sunday by Cousin Bullet. Still, the Slovaks do have their rap career going for them:

We da’ Slovaks an’ we got BIG nads,

Cause we so bad,

When my boy Obama get elected,

Ya’ gonna’ call me “Comrade”,

So don’t go home n’ pout,

When da’ brothaz kick Bush out,

Gonna’ “redistrute wealth” wif anotha’ bail out,

Cause we da’ Slovaks,

An’ ya’ can’t beat dat,

Ta’ clean dis whoopin’ off ya’ need Ajax,

We goin’ to the dog pound,

Ta’ get some on the rebound,

If Dog wanta’ win he kin fin’ it in lost n’ found,

Wizard’s Winner…the Fighting Slovaks.

Blitz vs. Cheetahs

Butch Neal’s “Mattress Dancin’ Mavens” have found life as a defending BDFL champion none too cozy as the season hits its midpoint, and their miserable record and point total put them first in line for the “Tommy Kinney Champ-to-Chump” award as they find themselves in the BDFL cellar. Meanwhile, the “Elephantine Terrors” are still clinging desperately to their play off hopes, and need to begin closing the gap on the division leading Nauts to secure a ticket to the Big Dance. After rolling to the title last season, the best the Cheetahs can hope for is to play the role of the spoiler when the Blitz arrive at the “North Shelby Sugar Shack” this weekend. To give his legions of fans an insight as to why one team is out and the other clinging to a life raft, the Wizard merely points to both teams having exactly one starting quarterback among their combined six (6) and hardly any more than that producing anything at running back. The “Sugar Shack” hasn’t been too sweet to the Cheetahs in 2008, and the Great Wizardo says that bitter taste in their mouth isn’t likely to go away this week either.

Wizard’s Winner…the Blitz.

Bullets vs. Bootleggers

Jon Wood was overheard lamenting that in Canton “the stations up here don’t sign off with Dixie, the way they do in sweet home Alabam’, and the people up her don’t sip Jack Daniels Whiskey, the way they do in the Tennessee mountain lands”, something the Wizard agrees with wholeheartedly and could have told Jon had he asked. Nevertheless and despite a season that has had its share of ups and downs, the “Canton Carpetbaggers” are still very much alive in the playoff picture although they are technically last in the Red Neck Division. Fortunately for Jon, they have a chance to continue their climb up the peckin’ order this weekend when they entertain their fellow Red Neck Division rivals the Bullets, who stand atop the division as the second half of the season begins. While the “Saturday Night Specials” have proved to be far more versatile than simply puttin’ a man six feet in hole, winning on the road in the BDFL can be a daunting task. However, the Wizardo says the Bullets should find that toolin’ along in their Chevrolet with the peace sign, the mag wheels, and four on the floor should be more than enough to leave with a victory safely in tow.

Wizard’s Winner…the Bullets.

Wizards vs. Juggernauts

Despite what has seemed like a difficult season, Allyson Edwards and her “Far East FemBots” check with a very respectable 5-3 record and a relatively healthy point total, both of which give her and the Nauts more than a fighting chance go bowling at the end of the regular season. And the Juggernauts had best be up to ramming speed when the Pasco County Navy sails into Lincoln Sunday afternoon. The “Pasco P!$$ Pots” sit atop their division standings at the season’s midpoint, but need to maintain momentum if they have any plans and making some noise at the “Big Daddy Headbanger’s Ball” beginning Week 15. The Wizards took home the Mullet Bowl championship and the all-you-can-eat-fish buffet that comes with it, but left with an empty feeling they would like nothing better than to fill it up with a 3rd BDFL title. Still, the Juggernauts have historically given the Wizards fits, and home field advantage plus a 7.5 point spread should guarantee even more stormy seas ahead for the Wizards.

Wizard’s Winner…the Juggernauts.

Gamblers vs. Wooden Warriors

The last couple of weeks have seen the fortunes of Jaimie Hand’s “Splendid Splinters” rise considerably, and Jaimie sees no reason to reign in the war party when Kenny Breal and the “Mighty Mississippi River Mud Packers” pay a visit to the Chop Shop this weekend. Even better, the Wooden Warriors have a chance to continue their impressive climb up the BDFL charts while hammering another nail into the Gamblers’ coffin. Although the Gamblers prefer riverboats as their primary source of transportation, a ship that’s been leaking faster than the Gambler faithful can bail it out has them hoppin’ that familiar Greyhound bus headin’ north down Highway 41. Points Kenny has in abundance, but it’s “dubyas” he needs in the worst way if he is climb out of the whole he’s dug himself over the first half of the season. While the Gamblers have two BDFL titles sittin’ on their mantle down in the Wooly Swamp, the Great Wizardo says it will stay that way for now after the Wooden Warriors push them to the brink of elimination on Sunday.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wooden Warriors.

Power Sleds vs. Wildcats

Jack Barnes and “Larry’s Electric Light Orchestra” have been singing in perfect three part harmony so (the Wizard says Jack has a mighty fine tenor voice) so far in 2008 and could be poised to join Butch in the “trifecta club” for three time BDFL champions if they keep pouring on the coals. However, standing in his are the Yellowhammer Division leading “Kitten Kaboodles” who plan to be in their best “just say no” mode when the visitors arrive Saturday afternoon searching for a win. Nevertheless, the Wizard is hardly convinced the Power Sleds have the same championship timbre of yesteryear and that the Graybeard Division may be getting a little too long in the tooth to keep up the pace late in the season. Although the Wildcats will be without Drew Brees on Sunday, the Great Wizardo says his crystal balls tell him the Cats should still have enough of a wind at their back to win and cover.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wildcats.

Woosiers vs. Grenades

In a plan worthy of Comrade Obama, the Iron Hand attempted to “redistribute wealth” (aka BDFL untainted titles) two years ago by not informing the defending champion Wizards that they could not draft via phone until after the draft, thereby dooming the Wizards to mediocre season. This season the “chicanery” and “tomfoolery” continued when the Iron sought to prevent the Cheetahs from winning back-to-back titles, a plan that has worked to perfection if the first half of the season is any indication. Still, a once vaunted line-up has not lived up to expectations so far this season although a 5-3 record does keep the “Nano Nads” play off hopes alive, even if those hopes are only a glimmer at the moment. Meanwhile, Tommy Todd and the “Smoke Rise Tokers” have quietly put together a 6-2 record and a sporty 215 points that has them squarely in the middle of the play off picture. Both have much to lose and equally as much to gain by leaving with a “dubya” Sunday evening, but the Great Wizardo says the Woosiers don’t have enough lead in their pencils to cover the generous 5.5 points given by ELVO.

Wizard’s Winner…the Grenades.

Mayors vs. Sloth Monsters

Mike Dismukes and the “Wobblin’ Goblins” haven’t been staggered the way the Bullets floored them last weekend since Mukes tried to catch with his collar bone, much to his dismay, a double bunny-hopped laser at first base from Chris Hand in a Brookside softball tournament some years ago. Nevertheless, the Sloths will get back on the saddle come Sunday when Alan Arrington and the “Pork Barrel Boys” come to town to rustle up some last minute votes before Election Day by doling out some goodies to the local constituency, at the taxpayer’s expense of course. The Mayors are atop the normally tough Graybeard Division even though the division has been at the bottom of the power rankings most of the season. Nevertheless, despite an impressive record and a point total to match, a little sleep, a little slumber, and a little folding of the arms to rest will bring poverty on the Mayors like a bandit with the equally as hot Power Sleds lurking a mere five points back. With no time to rest on his laurels forthcoming, expect Alan to stump through Lake Cyrus from dusk to dawn, and while it is sure to drum up plenty of support, it may not be enough to overcome the Vegas line. Conventional wisdom says to side with the Mayors, but the Wizard is hardly conventional and says that though politics makes strange bedfellows, he also says if you lay down with dogs you get up with fleas.

Wizard’s Winner…the Sloth Monsters.

Wizard's Quote

of the Week

"With no time to rest on his laurels forthcoming, expect Alan to stump through Lake Cyrus from dusk to dawn, and while it is sure to drum up plenty of support, it may not be enough to overcome the Vegas line. Conventional wisdom says to side with the Mayors, but the Wizard is hardly conventional and says that though politics makes strange bedfellows, he also says if you lay down with dogs you get up with fleas"
 

2008 Wisdom

2007 Wisdom

2006 Wisdom

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The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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