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 TheBDFL.com          WIZARDZ WINNERZ                       2007

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From The Wizard

Week #4

Bullets vs. Wizards

In what amounts to a bitter grudge match between two teams that met in the semi-finals of the BDFL championship last season, with the Wizards prevailing and thus denying the Bullets a legitimate title, the “Backwater Bureaucrats” from Benton will jump in their jalopy for the trip south to battle the “Weak Wanded Wizards” in a game between two teams going in opposite directions. Reports allege the defending champion Wizards have failed a recent drug test, which is hardly surprising since they’ve been getting drug up and down the field with alarming regularity through the first three weeks of the season. Meanwhile, the Bullets have exploded out of the starting gates in spite of sleep walking through the BDFL draft. Of course, Bullet was able to rectify many of those mistakes after receiving a big helping of “home cookin’” from brother and BDFL Commish, Chris Hand, that allowed him to break a series of rules in an effort to upgrade his team. Nevertheless, the Wizardo says, “You can lead a horse, or a jack@$$ in this case, to water, but you can’t make him drink.” meaning the Bullets will find a way to self destruct by year’s end, and can even invent one if necessary. The wily One says expect the final countdown self destruction to begin this week.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wizards.

Blitz vs. Wildcats

The “Bavarian Bohemians” steamrolled the Mayors last weekend leaving plenty of bruised egos and an “A.W.” behind to mark the scene of the carnage,  and the barbarians are at the gates again this weekend in Rocky Ridge where they hope to pillage the countryside and the “Cats on Hot Tin Roof” at the same time. While the Blitz have certainly been impressive in their inaugural season, a close analysis tells the Wily Ol’ Wizardo that there may be more sizzle than steak in the rookies. Meanwhile, the Wildcats are making strides towards regaining their form of two years ago when their infamous “Just Say No” campaign led them to the cusp of a BDFL title. Unfortunately for the Blitz, they will find out on Sunday their early season sizzle will most likely fizzle.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wildcats.

Bootleggers vs. Fighting Slovaks

At press time wars, rumors of wars, armies gathering in the east, and reports of four strange looking guys riding around on horses were running rampant, which surprises not the Great Wizardo because with Adam Slovensky’s “Fighting Slovaks” posting a 50 spot to pace the BDFL in Week Three, it is clear the apocalypse is upon us. However, before the eastern sky splits the “Fighting Slobberknockers” will host Jon Wood and the “Misty Mountain Moonshiners” in Helena on Sunday afternoon. The Wizard always says, “you can take the boy away from the bootleggers, but ya’ can’t take the bootlegger outta’ the boy”, something the Slovaks would do well to remember when they lock horns with the visitors. To the casual observer this one is a mismatch heavily in favor of the home standing Slovaks, but the Wizard says otherwise. With gaping holes in his roster due to bye weeks and the likelihood of getting 24 points out of his defense again being a remote one at best, the Slovaks had best start sticking fingers in dykes as fast as they can if they want to keep from getting washed away because though you can blame it on their roots when the Wood Brothers show up in boots this weekend, you can bet they’ll ruin the Slovaks’ black tie affair anyway.

Wizard’s Winner…the Bootleggers.  

Wooden Warriors vs. Sloth Monsters

After watching their point totals drop precipitously through the first three weeks of the season, Jaimie Hand and the “Cringin’ Injuns” appear to be in mid season form when it comes to their much anticipated fall swoon, and desperately need a swing upwards in point production and a victory on Sunday to keep the naysayers from chirping even louder. However, that’s much easier said than done since the path to redemption rolls through the red hot “Groovey Ghoulies” at Snitz Snider Stadium this weekend. The Sloth Monsters are coming off a rousing performance in Week Three and will be brimming with confidence when the visitors arrive Sunday afternoon. Nevertheless, when the Tribe makes camp on the shores of the Silver Lakes, they will have every intention of taking no prisoners, but plenty of scalps, before heading home. Jaimie knows what his father meant when he sang about a “Lost Highway”, and the Sloth Monsters will know too come Sunday evening.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wooden Warriors.

Grenades vs. Juggernauts

When not stomping on the hopes and dreams of the poor, overburdened, taxpaying union members at the Honda plant in Lincoln, Allyson Edwards and her “Sushi Suckin’ Lawyers” have been doing their best to climb up the BDFL standings with varying degrees of success. Up the road a piece, meanwhile, Chris Hand and the “Brentwood War Pigs” are enjoying a strong start to the 2007 season, and at press time his generals were gathering in their masses like witches at black masses in preparation for the trip to Leeds this weekend. The Grenades are hovering near the top of the BDFL peckin’ order and are already getting sized for what they hope will be their first BDFL title rings. Unfortunately for Chris, the Grenades are more likely to get torched this weekend by the “Rice Burners” than finding the perfect fit.

Wizard’s Winner…the Juggernauts.

Dogs vs. Power Sleds

The “Brookside Tirebiters” head to Fairfield this weekend for a match up with Jack Barnes and the Power Sleds. The “Midnight Train to Memphis” has been derailed all season and is limping mightily into Week Four. However, Mark Burr and the Dogs haven’t fared any better, and in fact have an even lower point total than the Sleds. If either of these teams has plans to get off the floor and make any type of move in the standings, it is doubtful this weekend will provide many answers for those scoring at home. Even worse, with Deuce McAlister done for the year, the Dogs already look like the walking wounded and more closely resemble one of Mike Vick’s well worn pet pit bulls than anything else. Unfortunately for the Dogs, they are probably in line for another beat down Sunday afternoon.

Wizard’s Winner…the Power Sleds.

Gamblers vs. Woosiers

The “Baton Rouge Riverboat Ramblin’ Men” will pile into the backseat of a Greyhound bus and roll up Highway 41 to Smoke Rise to take on Tommy Todd and the “Fadin’ Haydens” this weekend. People in West Blount have been buying up forks by the bushel full to stick in the hometown heroes with a sense in the air that the Woosiers aspirations of a second BDFL title are all but done. In a tale of two cities, the Gamblers are hitting the jackpot so far in 2007 and appear poised to win an unprecedented third BDFL title if they can keep away from the rocks. Although an injury to Shaun Alexander may slow him for a few weeks, the Gamblers are still holding a strong hand and figure they can go all in on the Woosiers and rake in another big haul at the tables. The Gamblers fathers mostly ended up on the wrong side of a gun, but figure to have little trouble improving their aim this time around. And who is the Great Wizardo to question otherwise?

Wizard’s Winner…the Gamblers.

Cheetahs vs. Mayors

During breaks in the action old Lawrence Welk Geritol commercials will be playing over the jumbotron when two of the resident wheezers and geezers of the Gray Beard Division square off this weekend at Lawson Field. BDFL rank n’ file members have long grumbled behind the scenes of the preferential treatment afforded members of this division, something that was given an exclamation point last week in one the Woosiers’ classic rants. Nevertheless, when toe meets leather Sunday afternoon, the “House of Arrington” will attempt to restart its quest for glory at the expense of the “Sin Wagon Women of Ill Repute.” The Cheetahs, however, have every intention of keeping their red hot start at a full boil when dusk sets in Sunday evening. The Great Wizardo always says that “a house divided cannot stand.” Unfortunately for the Mayors, their house of cards probably couldn’t stand up to a decent gust of wind.

Wizard’s Winner…the Cheetahs.

Wizard's Quote

of the Week

"You can lead a horse, or a jack@$$ in this case, to water, but you can’t make him drink, meaning the Bullets will find a way to self destruct by year’s end, and can even invent one, if necessary. "

2007 Wisdom

2006 Wisdom

Past Wisdom

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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