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 TheBDFL.com          WIZARDZ WINNERZ                       2008

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The BDFL's Weekly Pigskin Prognostications

From The Wizard

Week 11

Power Sleds vs. Grenades

When the Wizard was a very young, impressionable apprentice, he often spent his mornings bouncing back and forth between “Sesame Street” and “The Electric Company” although for his money Ernie, Bernie, the Grouch, and the other cast of Muppets typically gave “Sesame Street” the edge, which leads the Wizard into perhaps the weeks most intriguing match up when Jack Barnes and the “Electric Light Orchestra” try to catch lightning in a bottle when they travel to NashVegas Sunday to battle Chris Hand and the “Mid State Militia.” The Sleds are sitting pretty in terms of their point total, but still need two “dubyas” in their last four games in order to make a run for the roses in the playoffs. Meanwhile, the Grenades only need one win to qualify, but need a massive infusion of reinforcements to get their point total into playoff contention. While the Wizard doesn’t see the Grenades going anywhere except Gulf Shores in the post-season, they can still play the proverbial “turd in the punch bowl” for Jack’s playoff hopes. Although now a legendary prognosticator, the Great Wizardo still harkens back to his youth when he says “The Electric Company” will still come up a bit short.

Wizard’s Winner…the Grenades.

Bullets vs. Cheetahs

The Big Daddy alluded to the fact that in Week 10 the BDFL aristocracy continued to keep the “Sin City Sluts” on their backs after another embarrassing loss that heaped even more humiliation on the defending BDFL champions. While the Great Wizardo certainly agrees this year’s version of the Cheetahs is nothing short of an abomination, he also says keeping the Cheetahs on their backs is much akin to throwing “Brer’ Rabbit” into the briar patch. Nevertheless, a season gone horribly awry is unavoidable and things don’t get any better when Bullet and the “Shag King Confederacy” roll into the “Cat House” Sunday afternoon. Of late the Bullets have been cuttin’ a mean rug down at the Jug while tap dancin’ on the rest of the BDFL, and the Great Wizardo sees no reason the Bullets will slow down for their visitors this weekend. While starin’ straight down a . 44 may give the Bullets pause, fortunately for them the Cheethas will be bringing a knife to a gun fight.

Wizard’s Winner…the Bullets.

Wizards vs. Wooden Warriors

During his impressionable youth the Great Wizardo, a mere apprentice then and not yet even a shadow of the legendary prognosticator he would later become, was eager to try out for the basketball team as a 7th grader at newly minted Bragg Junior High School. Alas, it was not to be as 7th graders were not allowed to try out for the 8th grade team, a grudge the Wizard still carries to this day. In the absence of basketball the young Wizard decided to try wrestling and for one ill-fated season did just that. One afternoon wrestling legend Tommy “Woo” Todd, already well on his way to popping out more state wrestling titles than a pez dispenser, needed a practice partner and came down to the junior high to find his next victim…er…partner. As fate would have it, the Wizard was chosen and after an afternoon getting twisted up like a pretzel Tommy delivered the thoroughly beaten young Wizardo back to the junior high. After last weekend’s beating at the hands of the Woosiers, the “Pasco Pixies” had some rather horrifying flashbacks to that fateful day, ones they plan to avenge if their paths cross again in the BDFL playoffs. Nevertheless, the Wizards have to ground themselves quickly for their annual grudge match against the much hated “Pooper Scoopers” at Black Crick Ballpark. Rest assured that plenty of blood will be spilled, all of it bad, when these two tangle come Sunday afternoon. ELVO is baiting the Wizard with 4.5 points, but the Wizard still ain’t buyin’.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wizards.

Mayors vs. Dogs

The Wizardo often says when determining someone’s fate that “two areas you should never make a rush to judgment on are weddings and embalming” although given their performance thus far he is likely to make an exception for the “Coalburg/Brookside Tail-tuckin Terriers” who have only the Slovaks to thank for not being in last place in the BDFL peckin’ order, and need to be laid to rest despite four regular season games and three playoff match-ups to go before beating this dead dog can officially, and mercifully, come to an end. On the opposite end of the spectrum are Alan Arrington and his “Rainbow Coalition” who have left most of the rest of the league with various shades of black and blue on their way to the top of the Gray Beard Division. And the smart money says the the rich get richer (at least until Obama takes the reigns) after it would appear the schedule maker has been kind to the Mayors this week by serving up the Mutts as their main course, something the Wizard agrees with wholeheartedly. Further, the Wizard sees no reason for the Mayors to let a sleeping dog lie despite the generous points ladled out by ELVO meaning the Dogs will likely get “be-yotch slapped” again this week.

Wizard’s Winner…the Mayors.

Blitz vs. Woosiers

The “Druid City Drug Peddlers” enter Week 11 with legitimate playoff hopes, but are locked in a tight battle with multiple teams and desperately need points and “dubyas” over the stretch run to slip into the Big Dance. Unfortunately, standing in their way are the suddenly dangerous Woosiers who have relied more on overwhelming force in recent victories versus some generous help from the schedule maker earlier in the season. Traveling to Smoke Rise is always a harrowing trip, but making the journey only to face the “West Blount Gropin’ Grapplers” will be a true test indeed. Even worse for the Blitz, the only thing that stood in the way of a humiliating defeat to the Dogs in Week 10 was a 24 point explosion by the Green Bay defense. With such a midnight ride unlikely to occur again this weekend, expect the Blitz to leave town in tatters on Sunday evening.

Wizard’s Winner…the Woosiers.

Bootleggers vs. Juggernauts

Don’t look now, but not since the suffrage days of Susan B. Anthony has gender equality generated as much controversy as the suddenly resurgent Juggernauts work their way into the thick of the playoff hunt. Not only does Allyson Edwards and her “Sista’ Souljas” stand a mere one win away from clearing the first championship qualifying hurdle of achieving a winning record, their point total also has them on the bubble to clear the second and final hurdle as well. Standing in the Nauts way are Jon Wood and the “Whiskey Runners” who also harbor playoff hopes of their own and plan to have plenty of yeast and copper line on hand to try and get the visitors all liquored before their showdown Sunday evening. Now the Great Wizardo thinks that Brutus, he of Shakespearean and Caesar fame, got it right when he uttered “first, let’s kill all the lawyers”, one instance where perhaps the ends would have justified the means. Unfortunately, it appears Brutus never got to implement his grand plan although he did get some early practice in by helping stab to death Caesar Augustus in the Roman Senate. Nevertheless, at the conclusion of this match-up one of the two lawyers will have their playoff hopes severely damaged, which, perhaps, is better than nothing. And the Wizard says to expect the Juggernauts to survive the “two man enter, one man leave” Thunderdome mentality of the BDFL.

Wizard’s Winner…the Juggernauts.

Sloth Monsters vs. Gamblers

Mike Dismukes and the “Purple People Eaters” have already been eliminated from championship consideration via a guaranteed losing record, and will now concentrate on dragging down as many other BDFL title aspirants with them as possible starting with Kenny Breal and the “French Fried Fleur-de-lis” in New Orleans this weekend. Two teams with an intertwined history, the Sloths and the Gamblers entered the league together, have won legitimate championships (the Gamblers twice), but have seen their once sterling reputations tarnished this season as much as the Bullets’ bogus BDFL title. Nevertheless, hope springs eternal for Kenny when he and his battery mates lace up their cleats, microwave a few Tahiti blue dots, and head to the weight room to pump themselves prior to game time. Still, reality says that winning four straight while garnering enough points to go bowling will be a daunting task to achieve although  the Wizardo says to expect the Gamblers to keep hope alive for at least one more week when the final point totals are tallied late Sunday night.

Wizard’s Winner…the Gamblers.

Wildcats vs. Fighting Slovaks

The silence from Helena has been deafening in recent weeks as the “FUBAR’ing SlowVaks” have degenerated from a trash talking group of EuroPeons to a dispirited bunch that has been quieter than a church mouse over the last month of the season. Despite having no where to go but up in the BDFL overall standings, it will be a tough task for the Slovaks to gain any ground when they welcome Jerry James and the high flying “AristoCats” at nearby Snitz Snyder Stadium, the move being a necessity when the Helena Junior High band needed a place to practice on Sunday thus displacing the Slovaks from their normal digs. Nevertheless, the change in venue will do little to dispel the stench from Helena’s hometown heroes unless they find themselves downwind from the wretched Slovaks Sunday afternoon. Nevertheless, there is a sense of urgency for the Wildcats to close the deal and get that crucial 7th victory to help seal a divisional title and the ticket to the Big Dance that goes with it. The Great Wizardo says not to worry because in the Wildcats’ world the home team is little more than a litter box…and the Big Cats are beginning to scratch at it with their paws.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wildcats.

Wizard's Quote

of the Week

"Now the Great Wizardo thinks that Brutus, he of Shakespearean and Caesar fame, got it right when he uttered “first, let’s kill all the lawyers”, one instance where perhaps the ends would have justified the means"
 

2008 Wisdom

2007 Wisdom

2006 Wisdom

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The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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