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 TheBDFL.com          WIZARDZ WINNERZ                       2007

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The BDFL's Weekly Pigskin Prognostications

From The Wizard

Week 9

Woosiers vs. Grenades

“Candy Man Chris Hand” and the rest of his “Candy @$$e$” learned last weekend that throwing your helmet out on the field and resting firmly on your laurels was of little help to Brother Ryan High School (BRHS) after the “Cloverleaf Clusters” had a major “A.W.” hung on them by MBA (Mt. Somethin’-or-another Baptist Academy), something BRHS D-back Frank Thomas Hand (son of Chris and named after the former Auburn and MLB slugger) and his team mates should have learned last Friday night. Nevertheless, BRHS will have yet another chance to learn at their daddy’s knees when the Grenades meet Tommy Todd and his “Long Island Lolas” on Sunday afternoon.  The Woosiers have been more than a bit vocal in what they perceive as cronyism run amok in the BDFL. With shady backdoor deals, Tuesday morning after-the-fact line-up changes, mysterious drop-&-add post-draft shenanigans, and other things that make up the normal fare at the BDFL High Command, Tommy would like nothing better than to make the trip to Nashville, take no prisoners, and leave a broad swath of destruction in his wake, and the Great Wizardo sees little the Grenades can do to stop them. The best the Grenades can hope for is to get their jollies when they “drink champagne and dance all night, under electric candlelight”, because come Sunday the Woosiers will most likely tattoo the ‘Nades, and do so in spades.

Wizard’s Winner…the Woosiers.

Wizards vs. Juggernauts

It’s not quite their “Ol’ Kentucky Home”, but Merlin and the “Wizards of Wor” will be making the nostalgic trip back home near their old North Shelby haunt when they weigh anchor this weekend to battle the “NaughtyNauts”, who are coming off their second straight defeat after setting a BDFL record 77 point day three weeks ago, and will likely be in no mood to extend the Wizards any southern hospitality upon their arrival. After learning, similar to the Brother Ryan Rebel Poets, that resting on their laurels resulted in less than satisfactory results, the Naut faithful had best hope their team puts their collective noses back to the grind stone come Sunday afternoon if they have plans of staying in the title hunt for anything more than the obligatory cup of  complimentary coffee. Nevertheless, the Wizards have always struggled to solve the Juggernaut equation, so much so that Merlin used to consider “accidentally” veering his car into Allyson when he passed her on her many jaunts through his neighborhood. Unfortunately, Merlin passed up several golden opportunities to take out the head Naut, and has since been banished to the outback of Florida where he will return Sunday evening a little worse for the wear than when he left, and still looking for answers to solve his Juggernaut “problem.”

Wizard’s Winner…the Juggernauts. 

Fighting Slovaks vs. Cheetahs

When Adam Slovensky and the “Ellis Island Immigrants” got off the boat in the shadow of the Statue of Liberty, they were easy marks for Butch Neal’s “Cat House Honeys”, and it is more than realistic to expect the Cheetahs will be up to their old tricks again when the Slovaks get off the boat in Riverchase this weekend. Although the Slovaks have learned a few tricks of their own and have every intention of turning the tables on the Cheetahs come Sunday, the Great Wizardo is far from convinced that the tricks up the Slovak sleeves will be anything the home team has not seen on many occasions. Nevertheless, the Cheetahs are not the same team they were in the early going and will likely need the rest of their division to fall prey to the “Bullet Rule”, something that could very well happen, if they have any hopes of putting on their red shoes and dancing in the playoffs. Unfortunately for Butch, he’ll need his running shoes instead this weekend if he plans to escape with his spotted hide still fully intact.

Wizard’s Winner…the Fighting Slovaks.

Bullets vs. Mayors

The Great Wizardo has no doubt that Bullet’s “Benton Bumpkins” cooked up their own special version of Vicodin-tainted Pike County White Lightning for fellow backwoodsman Brett Favre prior to game time, and it worked to perfection as the Green Bay legend tossed two over 50 touchdown passes to pace a stunning Bullets come from behind win on MNF in spite of a very pedestrian 16 points. Despite being on the bottom of the Red Neck division, this Week 8 vic’try helped right the ailing Bullets and while simultaneously keeping them in the thick of the BDFL title chase and a scant 20+ points out of 1st place. Meanwhile, the “Magic City Monarchs” took it on the chin last Sunday with a dismal point showing although the Schedule Maker that bailed out the Bullets was not nearly as lenient with the Mayors. Nevertheless, the Mayors are still in 2nd place in the Gray Beard Division, but are vic’try poor and need “dubyas” as much or more than points right now. Unfortunately for the Mayors, they’ll find little of either come Sunday afternoon.

Wizard’s Winner…the Bullets.

Blitz vs. Wooden Warriors

Jerry Fritz’s “Rhineland Rejects” continue to find life in the rough ‘n tumble BDFL much more difficult than they anticipated after storming out of the gate in the season’s early stages. Still, there is much for the Blitz to play for down the backstretch of the regular season, and it all starts with a trip to North Jefferson County to battle Jaimie Hand and the “Chief Chuck ‘n Ducks” at Wildcat Stadium in Fultondale. Jaimie has made a name for himself in his adopted home town of Fultondale by leading the Fultondale High School junior varsity volleyball team on to the floor prior to every game doing his best towel-waving imitation of M.L. Carr in the process. Unfortunately for the Wooden Warriors, this same approach has not been nearly effective in the BDFL as the Warriors continue to spiral down in the standings like a corkscrew. However, expect the Tribe to rise from the ashes on Sunday for at least a day. Although the Wizard is not guaranteeing a win, he does say the Warriors will cover, which would be essentially the same thing  

Wizard’s Winner…the Wooden Warriors.

Dogs vs. Gamblers

Kenny Breal and the “Casino Kings” will have their floating crap game in full swing this weekend in anticipation of Mark Burr’s “Leg Hikin’ Hounds” arrival. One would think this would be an ideal destination for the Dogs because their performance year to date has been about as crappy as possible although they did get off the “schnide” in the win column a couple of weeks ago. The Gamblers, on the other hand, have lit up the BDFL like a Christmas tree this season, and despite a setback last week that saw them post 31 points and still lose, it is hardly a safe bet to go against this bunch. The Great Wizardo knows a sure thing when he sees one, which is why he is making this game his “Temple vs. Alabama Lock-of-the-Year” premium play of the week.

Wizard’s Winner…the Gamblers.

Power Sleds vs. Sloth Monsters

It’s been anything but smooth sailing in Fairfield this season for Jack Barnes and the “SoothSleighers.” Not only has the Power Sled dreams of glory gone down as ingloriously as the Titanic, and about as quickly, but former mayor Larry Lankford has taken matters from bad to worse by abandoning the ‘hood for greener pastures after recently being elected mayor of Birmingham. Unfortunately for Jack, things won’t get much easier when the Power Sleds square off with Mike Dismukes’ “Lake Cyrus Creepy Crawlers” on Sunday, who are in first place in their division and looking to take their record over .500 at the expense of the Sleds. The Sloth Monsters are beginning to sniff a possible invitation to the BDFL “Big Dance” and Sunday should do nothing to put a damper on it.

Wizard’s Winners…the Sloth Monsters.

Wildcats vs. Bootleggers

The “Rocky Ridge Aristocats” have been in the process of demonstrating their superior pedigree to rest of the BDFL rank ‘n file this season and judging from a league leading 273 points are doing so quite admirably according to the Great Wizardo. This weekend the Wildcats will descend from their country estate to mix with the “great unwashed” when they travel to Ohio to play Jon Wood’s “Firestone Tire Tools” in a game with title implications for both. Although the Wildcats are cruising, the Juggernauts are keeping pace and are well within striking distance while the Bootleggers are in 2nd place, but only a scant 20 points behind the leader. The Bootleggers need this one much worse than the Wildcats, and home field advantage should count for something. Nevertheless, the Great Wizardo sees more sizzle than steak in the Bootleggers and figures the Cats will find their brush with their “lessers” somewhat distasteful, but mercifully quick.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wildcats.

Wizard's Quote

of the Week

"Jaimie has made a name for himself in his adopted home town of Fultondale by leading the Fultondale High School junior varsity volleyball team on to the floor prior to every game doing his best towel-waving imitation of M.L. Carr in the process"

2007 Wisdom

2006 Wisdom

Past Wisdom

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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