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 TheBDFL.com          WIZARDZ WINNERZ                       2007

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The BDFL's Weekly Pigskin Prognostications

From The Wizard

Week 14

Blitz vs. Sloth Monsters

The “Rushin’ Prussian Pachyderms” have been officially eliminated from championship consideration, but still took the time to push the Bullets to the brink of elimination in Week 13. Following the Great Wizardo’s patented “If you’re gonna’ go ugly, go ugly early so you get the best of the uglies”, Indisputable Fact of Life #19, the Blitz pulled out a win only a mother could love. Nevertheless, a vic’try is a vic’try in the rough ‘n tumble world of the BDFL, and the league newcomer will take them anyway he can. In their regular season finale, the Blitz load up the family truckster for a trip up I-20 to battle Mike Dismukes and his “Silver Lakes Limb Loungers” in a game with big play-off implications for the Sloths, and is yet another golden opportunity for the Blitz to drag with them another BDFL member to the lower bracket. Win and it’s on to the play-offs for Mukes. Lose and he goes home for the winter. Although the Great One will not rule out a vic’try for the Sloths, covering the generous spread set by ELVO will simply not happen.

Wizard’s Winner…the Blitz.

Mayors vs. Woosiers

Despite a woeful point total that has them mired in 14th place in the overall standings, by virtue of their eight wins the “Long Barreled Love Guns” are aiming at an at large berth into the championship bracket. With Alan Arrington’s “Eleven Lords A Leapin’” (Wizard’s Note: In GHS’s annual Christmas party extravaganza, the young and impressionable Wizard remembers a class of 1979 yearbook photo where Alan and his homeroom actually assumed the role of the “two turtle doves” instead, to great acclaim the Wizardo might add, in the traditional “12 days of Christmas” performed by the Seniors each year.) already headed to the lower bracket despite an impressive point total, this game will do little, if anything, to affect either team in standings. Oddly enough, the Woosiers’ fate will be determined on the other distant fields of battle in the BDFL, so after dispatching the Mayors, or at least covering, the Woosiers will be anxiously watching the scoreboard the balance of the day.

Wizard’s Winner…the Woosiers.

Grenades vs. Gamblers

With either team firmly entrenched in the play-offs and divisional championship banners ready to be unfurled for both as well, the “Brentwood Heavy Metal Head Bangers” will take a trip down “Old Man River”, not to be confused with “Ol’Man Kelsie’s Crick”, to battle Kenny Breal and the “Mississippi Mud Pounders” in what may well be the marquis match up of the week. While it might be fashionable for the Grenades and Gamblers to rest their starters in preparation for the play-offs, expect these two to come out swinging from the heels because this will be an ideal chance for each team to make a statement to the other since it is likely they will meet again, perhaps in the Big Daddy Bowl. Nevertheless, despite a number 3 ranking in the BDFL, the Great Wizardo is not so sure the Grenades are much more than a “paper tiger” and does not see them setting sail for home on Sunday evening with a vic’try in tow.

Wizard’s Winner…the Gamblers.

 Juggernauts vs. Fighting Slovaks

With both the Wooden Warriors and the Sloth Monsters dangling precariously from the edge of the BDFL abyss, Adam Slovensky and the “Eastern European Patsies” are poised to win a second straight Green Horn Division title, a sobering thought that the Great Wizardo thought had been banned from happening by the Geneva Convention, the Treaty of Paris (all of them), and the Nuremberg Trials. Nevertheless, a laws-of-the-universe defying second straight divisional banner may be in the offing for the Slovaks headed into a Week 14 showdown with the powerful and second ranked “Rice Rockets” on Sunday afternoon. The Juggernauts have quietly positioned themselves to attend the “Big Dance” and should have little fear that their carriage, ballroom gown, footmen, and horses will turn into a pumpkin, rags, mice, and dogs, respectively, at the stroke of midnight. Nevertheless, the Slovaks have proved resilient during this year and this match-up could be yet another preview of a soon to be determined play-off battle, in addition to an opportunity for Adam to prove the Slovaks are big enough to pee in the tall grass. Fortunately for the Slovaks, if they can just hike their hind legs enough to urinate in the low rough, they should at least be able to cover the generous spread handed down by ELVO. 

Wizard’s Winner…the Fighting Slovaks.

Wildcats vs. Bullets

After laying an egg last weekend in their ill fated attempt to nail down a postseason birth, the “Edmund Pettis Pretenders” will load up their beer coolers again on Sunday to try and finally punch their play-off ticket and yet another chance to finally bring an air of legitimacy to the fraud they perpetrated on the BDFL in their 1997 *championship* season. However, getting a ticket punched will be anything but automatic for the Bullets when accomplishing said task will require a date with Jerry James and his top ranked “Ferocious Felines” at Trey Pettimore Stadium Sunday afternoon. The Wildcats have already locked down another division title, the top seed, a strong shot at their first BDFL title, and the year’s supply of cat nip that goes with it. Nevertheless, the chance to sink their fangs into their BDFL prey one more time in the regular season finale will prove irresistible to the Cats, and the Bullets had best put on their best suit of body armor if they hope to be anything more than the Cat’s main course for Sunday brunch. However, the Great Wizardo says being the appetizer may be Bullet’s only real option come game time.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wildcats.  

Bootleggers vs. Cheetahs

Butch Neal and his “Burlesque Bimbos” will be extending their roll call for at least another week to the glee of their regular patrons in hopes of capturing a third, and unprecedented, untainted BDFL title. While some league members, who shall remain nameless, have no problem lugging around a fraudulently obtained asterisk laced BDFL championship, others like the Cheetahs prefer to earn it the ol’ fashion way. While for many of the Cheetahs that means doing so on their backs, for Butch it means winning a title by not trying to fit something through the back door that won’t fit through the front. Their opponent at the Riverchase Cat House will be the long-since-eliminated-from-title-consideration “Midwest Drunken Bumpkins.” The Great Wizardo always says, “you can take the boy away from the moonshine, but ya’ can’t take the moonshine away from the boy”, which is why the Bootleggers find themselves limping to the end of the regular season sans their big, black Dodge. The Bootleggers will only shot will be to hope the Cheetahs are a “one trick pony”, but the Great Wizardo says the Cheetahs have turned enough tricks to have a full repertoire by now.

Wizard’s Winner…the Cheetahs.

Wooden Warriors vs. Power Sleds  

Faced with a “win and you’re in” scenario, Chief Chuck ‘n Duck will have to reach deep into his wig wam to find a way to help his “Cringin’ Injuns” qualify for the postseason in Week 14, and will have to do so at the expense of Jack Barnes and the “Short Circuiting Sleds” at the Dolodome on Sunday evening. The Sleds were dispatched to the lower bracket of the BDFL two weeks ago, and would like nothing better than to take the Warriors down with them. Meanwhile, the Warriors are desperate to sweep aside the “bridesmaid” tag that has been so appropriately pinned to them over the years, and a vict'ry on Sunday would be a big step down that long and winding road. While the Sleds will be looking to catch lightning in a bottle, they will quickly learn that the Warriors are not bottled up nearly so easily.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wooden Warriors.

Wizards vs. Dogs

Although they have climbed out of last place in recent weeks, the “Land O’ Lakes Lollipop Guild” is hardly in a mood to welcome anyone to Munchkin Land after being bounced from postseason consideration two weeks ago. Nevertheless, in order to keep the sponsors happy the Wizards will hit the road for a visit to Brookside to play the last place “Tirebitin Terriers” at Five Mile Crick Ballpark. While Brookside on the 4th of July may hold plenty of good memories for the Wizard, he’s not so sure an early December trip will be quite as much fun. Unless, of course, he can stop off by D.K. and Mary Ann Hand’s house and rummage through the cubbard for food while on the way. Fortunately for the Wizards, the Dogs may be the perfect fodder to help them cap an otherwise miserable title defense. Brookside legend Dwight Sloweez once cured a neighbor’s complaints about his barking dog by shooting said dog and allegedly deadpanning to the neighbor, “He won’t be botherin’ ya’ anymore.” Expect something similar on Sunday, especially if Merlin can find Dwight’s number in the phone book.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wizards.

Wizard's Quote

of the Week

"...the “Eastern European Patsies” are poised to win a second straight Green Horn Division title, a sobering thought that the Great Wizardo thought had been banned from happening by the Geneva Convention, the Treaty of Paris (all of them), and the Nuremberg Trials"

2007 Wisdom

2006 Wisdom

Past Wisdom

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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