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From The Wizard

2009 Week 3

Mayors vs. Blitz

Jerry Fritz’s “Tusk-a-loosa Thundering Herd” will welcome Alan Arrington and the “Spin Doctors” to T-town in a match up between two second place teams with visions of making another step up the BDFL divisional ladder. The Mayors have disappointed out of the gate, but Alan is not quite ready to push the panic button given a lineup that boast more than its share of firepower. Unfortunately for Jerry, elephants are known to have very long memories, and will not soon forget from the beating they will take at the hands of the Mayors, and will walk away feeling more like the “Blundering Turds” than the “Thundering Herd” when the final gun sounds.

Wizard’s Winner…the Mayors.

PowerSleds vs. Juggernauts

Jack Barnes and the “Fairfield Tower of Power” leave the friendly confines of the Lowry Langford Dolodome (Wizard’s Note: The naming rights are subject to change if former Fairfield, and current Birmingham, mayor is ultimately convicted on the numerous legal troubles Langford is involved with at the moment.) to travel to Lincoln to battle Allyson Edwards and the “Irresistible Force / Immovable Object” that on a closer inspection is imminently resistible and easily moved through two weeks of play. The only place the Nauts appear to be headed in a hurry is nowhere while the jury is still out on the Sleds. At the end of the day the Sleds will prevail, but don’t expect a verdict from the jury on Jack’s title aspirations.

Wizard’s Winner…the PowerSleds.

Sloth Monsters vs. Grenadiers

After leading the Brother Ryan/Sisters of the Worthless Miracle high school rugby team to the state championship last year, Frank Thomas Hand, spawn of the Wolfback, graduated and took his rugby skills with him to Bryan College. Frank Thomas was rumored to have chosen Bryan College because it only had one more letter than the “Ryan” in Father Ryan High School, and he thought it would be easier to remember, prompting the Wizard to remark, “It’s hard to argue with that kind of logic.” Nevertheless, proud papa Chris forwarded the school report of the beating they took in a recent match when Sewanee took them out to the pain cave for a serious whuppin’. However, based on the school paper’s heavily biased recap, Bryan College almost appeared to have won the game, again prompting the Wizard to remark, “I’m quite sure the Bryan College Gazette probably would have described the Japanese surprise attack on Pearl Harbor as ‘too close to call” when asked to determine the victor.

Wizard’s Winner…the Sloth Monsters.

Wizards vs. Wildcats

After opening at home in the Gator Country where the wine and the women are free, the “Hurlin’ Merlins” found the cost of living to be much higher at Fair Park when they were lit up by the Mayors. Unfortunately for the Wizards, they’ll be making a similar trip to Birmingham this weekend but will stop in Rocky Ridge to take on the “Stoned Cats” instead. A white hot Brees has been lighting up teams like a Roman candle through the first two weeks of the year while the Wizards have fizzled more often than not, and the Wiz will find out the prices are any better on this side of the ‘Ham than the other one.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wildcats.

Dogs vs. Wooden Warriors

While Jaimie Hand and the “Splendid Splinters” will more than know their way around on Sunday afternoon when they face the “Keystone Canines” at Five Mile Crick in Brookside, it won’t necessarily translate to leaving town with a vict'ry in any other than a horse shoes match at the Slovensky compound just beyond the right field fence. Still, having a swarm of Slovenskys in attendance should keep the Wooden Warriors support level high, assuming most of them don’t ease on over to the Knights of Columbus Lodge to catch the NASCAR race at Dover, a very likely scenario according to the Wizard. Regardless, despite a very slow start, the Dogs are primed to contend, and know that getting their season back on course is no laughing matter.

Wizard’s Winner…Dogs.

Gamblers vs. Woosiers

Tommy Todd and his “Titan in Tights”, that came with a free lobotomy to go along with the tights, have stormed through the first two weeks of the season eager to erase their heart breaking loss in the BDCS semi-finals (when he left Brandon Jacobs and his 24 points on the bench) to the Bullets while also looking to gain momentum towards a second title. Their opponent in the squared circle will be Kenny Breal and the “Delta Devils” who are also making early waves in their quest to regain BDFL supremacy. Both feature high-powered offenses that figure to light up the night sky like a Christmas tree, but only one can leave this “two man enter-one man leave” Thunderdome, and it will be the Woosiers that catch lightning in a bottle leaving the Gamblers in a position much like their father from down in Georgia, on the wrong end of a gun.

Wizard’s Winner…the Woosiers.

Cheetahs vs. Bootleggers

The “Shelby County Spotted Felines” sport a .500 record through two weeks of the young BDFL season despite putting up some impressive numbers. Meanwhile, their opponents, the “Hillbilly Hooch Haulers” are undefeated yet still rest on the bottom of the competitive Red Neck Division. Nevertheless, all may not be as it seems in the Ohio Valley. While the big, black Canton Dodge appears to be hitting on all cylinders at the moment, the Great Wizardo says he detects a miss in the Bootlegger engine that will be more readily exposed on Sunday afternoon. Although Cheetahs can run in excess of 60 mph, they don’t have the stamina to keep it up for more than short periods of time, but it will be more than enough time to catch their prey come Sunday afternoon.

Wizard’s Winner…the Cheetahs.

Bullets vs. Fighting Slovaks

When their once insurmountable lead in the Godzilla Racing League began to dry up faster than a mud puddle on a hot August afternoon, the “Constipated Confederacy” saw their pucker factor rocket up and off the charts where it remains at the moment, which is just as well since their winless start to the 2009 BDFL season will no doubt have the Bullets reaching for even more Ex-lax to combat that all too familiar feeling. Waiting for them will be Cousin Adam Slovensky and the “Roller Coastin’ Rappers”, who are fielding the strongest line-up in their miserable existence, which isn’t necessarily saying much, perhaps even saying nothing. Regardless, the Wizards says the Green Horn Division leading Slovaks are a team to be reckoned with although injuries and the Slovaks unerring ability to screw up a wet dream will combine to send them down to defeat while restoring some level of regularity relief to the Bullets.

Wizard’s Winner…the Bullets.

 BDFL Scorecard

Wizard 8	ELVO 8

 

Latest Lines

2009 Week 3

SM @ GRE (P)

DOG (-1.5) @ WW

GAM @ WOO (-2.5)

CHE (-2.5) @ BOO

MAY @ BLZ (-3.5)

BUL (-4.5) @ FS

WIZ @ WIL (-5.5)

PS (-6.5) @ JUG

OPEN: ALL TEAMS PLAYING

Prognosticator

of the Year

This is the highest award for fantasy football prognosticating. It is affectionally known as the POTY among fantasy football prognosticators and fantasy football handicappers. It is awarded annually to the best fantasy football prognosticator in the world. The POTY!

The POTY was captured by the Evil Las Vegas Oddsmakers in 2008 with a 69-67 game vict'ry margin over the Wizard

Wizard's Quote

of the Week

"I’m quite sure the Bryan College Gazette probably would have described the Japanese surprise attack on Pearl Harbor as 'too close to call' when asked to determine the victor" when help ensure the Blitz is on the fritz.

2009 Wisdom

2008 Wisdom

2007 Wisdom

2006 Wisdom

Past Wisdom

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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