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 TheBDFL.com          WIZARDZ WINNERZ                       2008

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The BDFL's Weekly Pigskin Prognostications

From The Wizard

Week 8

Blitz vs. Grenades

The Wizard likes to make sure to tell the BDFL “newbies” to only travel to NashVegas bearing plenty of gifts because Chris “Wolfback” Hand and the “Werewolves of Loudon” (that’s Loudon, TN for those you questioning the all knowing Wizard) always have their hands out and just as assuredly expect the rank ‘n file to pay homage to their greatness soon after arrival. And such is the advice the Wizard will give Jerry Fritz and his “Pachyderm Panzer” divisions when they roll across the Tennessee state line. The Grenades are fighting to stay in contention and were able to win ugly last weekend despite only posting a disappointing 19 spot. Fortunately it was enough, and equally as fortuitous is the fact Chris was playing Bullet at the time. However, the Blitz expect to bring much more firepower to bear this weekend than the Bullets, but the Blitz will likely find the Grenades in no mood to wave the white flag and that, more importantly, the Grenade shock troops will hardly bat an eye when the shelling commences.

Wizard’s Winner…the Grenades.

Cheetahs vs. Bootleggers

If there were a “Champ to Chump” Division in the BDFL, the Wizard says Butch Neal and the “Jungle Bunnies” would be a charter member after their horrific slide from defending BDFL champion to also-ran status, which would actually be an insult to also-rans based on the Cheetahs exploits, or lack thereof, this season. Whether it is league shenanigans or draft day flops, the Cheetahs find themselves on the bottom of the league with no apparent way to get off the mat. Meanwhile, Jon Wood and the “Yankee Clippers” have been getting their wings clipped with regularity so far this year and only a few scant points separate them from the woebegone Cheetahs. Nevertheless, ELVO spotted the visitors from Riverchase 2.5 points, but should have been considerably more generous.

Wizard’s Winner…the Bootleggers.

Fighting Slovaks vs. Bullets

Every 4^th of July all members of the Hand / Slovensky that aren’t in jail or hidin’ from the law, which narrows the field considerably, gather at the Slovensky house in Brookside to celebrate the nation’s birthday with plenty of beer, barbecue, tall tales that likely have nary a shred of truth to them, and to play horse shoes under a merciless sun. Needless to say, the Wizard says you can forget about any beer, barbecue, and horse shoes this weekend when Cousin Slovensky and the “East EuroPeons” gather at Trey Pettimore Stadium in Benton to play Cousin Bullet and the “Black Belt Bureaucrats” although the tall tales with nary a shred of truth will be allowed unless someone wire’s Bullet’s mouth shut. The Bullets are certainly struggling after a pathetic 12 point effort last week and need to rebound quickly if they have any plans to continue their quest for an untarnished title. The news is not nearly as encouraging for the visitors. The 2008 season has produced far more A-Slo raps than points resulting in the Slovaks toiling at the bottom of the depth chart as the season nears its midpoint.

Wizard’s Winner…the Bullets

Gamblers vs. PowerSleds

Jack Barnes and the “Motor City Mad Men” had been dialed in for most of the season before running into a Wooden Indian buzz saw last Sunday afternoon leaving Jack the onerous task of retiring to Prattville to regroup before welcoming Kenny Breal and the “Wagin’ Cajuns” this coming weekend. The Gamblers took out a season of frustration on the dealer in Week 7 to such a degree that their dreams of climbing back into the race were revived, even if only temporarily. Still, the Gamblers had best not rest on their laurels, or at least not for long, because the PowerSleds have been known to kick it into high gear when least expected in times of dire need. The Graybeards like to think of themselves as the king makers of the BDFL, and that reputation does have some merit, but the Great Wizardo thinks the Sleds may be a little too long in the tooth to snatch vict'ry from the jaws of defeat this time around the block.

Wizard’s Winner…the Gamblers.

Wildcats vs. Wizards

Between a heavy military presence, the NFL’s Bucs, and the American League pennant winning Rays, the Bay area is full of grunts, punts, and bunts, something Jerry James and the “Paw Paw Patsies” would do well to heed when they arrive this weekend to play the “Pasco County Curse Casters.” So far in 2008 the Wizards have managed to brew up a particularly potent offensive attack with plans of seeing how effective it will be on the visiting Wildcats Sunday afternoon. However, the Wildcats are hardly no claw and all hiss as their perch atop their divisional standings attests to, and will be sure to give the Wizards a painful reminder of that lest they forget to handle them with extreme care. Still, with the home crowd behind them, Merlin should have just enough “Pasco Tabasco” in his cauldron to subdue the Cats and chalk one up in the win column.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wizards.

Wooden Warriors vs. Sloth Monsters

Jaimie Hand and the “Wounded Warriors” have limped through the first half of the regular season kind of like when Brian Walker used to always grab his ankle and hobble around in baseball at second base every time he booted a grounder. And all of that in spite of a Week 7 ride in the rumble seat that made the Warriors feel a little better about themselves. Nevertheless, they are still in dire need of lighting their candles soon before the only reservations they’ll be making for the post season will be for the annual Mullet toss on the Gulf Coast. Any chances of punching their ticket to the Big Dance will have to start this weekend when they travel to Silver Lakes to do battle with Mike Dismukes and the “Creepy Crawlers & Hairy Hangers” in an intra-divisional match-up. The Sloths are currently in 2nd place in their division but need to pick up the pace a tad if visions of sugar plum fairies and plenty of cold Miller Lite in the fridge are to continue dancin’ in their heads. Fortunately for Mukes, the Wizard doubts the Injuns will be able to muster up much of a fight come game time and that the Sloths should have a merry day indeed.

Wizard’s Winner…the Sloth Monsters.

Juggernauts vs. Dogs

After last weeks beat down, Wizard Consigliore Barry Stephenson commented Mark Burr “hadn’t been involved in a beating like that since he hit Terry Taurence in the head with a Coke bottle back in junior high”, which pretty well sums up the “Tirebitin’ Terriers” Week 7 results. Nevertheless, a shot at redemption is never more than a week away in the BDFL, and the Dogs will get their chance when Allyson Edwards and the “Lincoln Judge Jugglers” bring their circus to town this weekend. Both teams are pinned to the bottom of the Yellowhammer Division peckin’ order and may have to flip a coin amongst themselves to see who gets to stay in the cellar. Still, when the dust settles expect the there to be less moss growin’ on the Juggernauts than in previous match-ups since a rolling stone gathers none of the aforementioned moss. And the Wizard says the Nauts will roll, at least this weekend.

Wizard’s Winner…the Juggernauts.

Woosiers vs. Mayors

When asked to comment on Tommy Todd’s stellar wrestling career and multiple state championships, the Wizard opined he could have done the same thing, and that all he would need is a lobotomy and some tights. Nevertheless, Tommy hopes to create those glory days Sunday afternoon when Alan Arrington and his “Sharp Dressed Men” welcome them to Lawson Field. Not only will the Mayors be ready for their West Blount visitors on the field, they also plan to counter the Woosier’s rolling trophy case with one of their own from when they won “Best Dressed” in 1978-89 at good ol’ GHS, a title that has recently been called into question after Alan committed the faux pas of wearing sandals and socks in a non-casual business setting. The Wizard, by the way, thinks the questions have merit. Nevertheless, the only thing that will be decided this week is braggin’ rights between their divisions since the Woosiers and Mayors sit atop the Red Neck and Gray Beard divisions, respectively. Unfortunately for Alan, it will be the Woosiers lifting their arms in triumph by nights end. But at least the Mayors’ “Best Dressed” award is safe, at least for now.

Wizard’s Winner…the Woosiers.

Classic

Wizard's Quote

of the Week

"My name is A-Slo,
And my team blows,
That’s why we be throwing up zeroes.

My name is A-Slo,
I’m a Euro,
And we gots more losses than a-holes.

When my lady gives me flak I just tell her,
That I’m a dweller,
And I like it down here in the BDFL cellar,

My boys be playin’ in the Greenhorn,
Gettin’ used like we jus’ been born.

So if we be on ya' schedule,
Please don’t drool,
Jus' bet on ya’ team in da' office pool,

The Slovaks are a disgrace,
We done lost face,
So da’ league gonna blast us ta’ outta' space.

Dis week we be playin’ Bullet, & he’s my cuz,
Gonna’ beat us like when we only had peach fuzz".
 

2008 Wisdom

2007 Wisdom

2006 Wisdom

Past Wisdom

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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