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The BDFL's Weekly Pigskin Prognostications

From The Wizard

2009 Week 4

Wooden Warriors vs. Gamblers

From the Wizard’s perspective, meaning it must be right simply because it’s his viewpoint; Brett Favre is fast becoming football’s version of Roger Clemens. Both put up cinch Hall of Fame careers and became legends of the game, and were still capable of turning back the clock on a particular day to remind everyone of their former greatness like Favre did last Sunday on the final drive against the Niners. Most importantly, when each saw the media frenzy spawned by retiring and “unretiring”, which was almost enough to satisfy their cartoonishly large egos, they kept going back to the well until the public turned against them in utter disdain and disgust. The way the Wizard figures it, Favre is a steroid scandal (Wizard’s Note: The Vicodin addiction could qualify instead.) and a bimbo eruption from being indistinguishable from Roger Clemens. Nevertheless, Kenny Breal will be drafting, and starting, Favre at least five years after #4 actually retires, a loyalty that while admirable will prevent him from covering the big spread ELVO tossed out.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wooden Warriors.

Woosiers vs. Sloth Monsters

Mike Dismukes and the “Loony Goonies” welcome Tommy Todd’s “Haymakers” this weekend while being a mere point out of first place in the Greenhorn Division, in addition to a chance to run their record to three wins versus one loss. Nevertheless, the dangerous Woosiers, though a weaker version in 2009, have no plans of rolling over and playing dead for the home team, unless of course there’s a big profit to be made at which point the Woosiers will roll over, play dead, and wag their tails before tucking said tail and scurrying for home. The Great Wizardo says the Woosiers should go ahead and their tuck their tails now to avoid the Christmas rush.

Wizard’s Winner…the Sloth Monsters.

Bootleggers vs. Wizards

After a dismal Week 2 performance, Wizard Consigliore Barry Stephenson hopped a direct flight from Birmingham to Tampa, barged into Merlin’s team meeting, asked all of the players and Merlin to hold up their index fingers, congratulated them on finally getting their fingers out their rear ends, told Merlin to bench Cadillac and start MaGahee, promptly wheeled around, marched out of the room and back to the airport for the trip home. Despite a less than stellar performance, Consigliore Stephenson’s order allowed the “Dixie Pixies” to ride the coattails of McGahee’s two touchdown performance to victory. Will Barry have any other tricks up his sleeve in Week Three? The Wizard is betting he will.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wizards.

Grenades vs. Fighting  Slovaks

After warning the league that despite a strong team, the “Helena Euro Trash” could screw up a wet dream if given half a chance, the Slovaks promptly proved the Wizard to be the soothsayer he is by layin’ an egg in Week Three. One large enough to prevent the defending champion Bullets from beginning their title defense with three straight losses after managing to stumble and bumble their way through Week Three before dragging a 13-9 crapfest out of the toilet last Sunday at the expense of Adam and the Slovaks. This week the Slovaks welcome another cousin in the form of the BDFL’s Iron Hand and his “Tennessee Tin Men”, who are also desperately searching for point production, leading the Wizard to say the Grenadiers are “looking for love in all the wrong places”, especially after shoring up their lack of a starting quarterback by trading for a quarterback…who’s not starting. Either the Iron Hand is savvy beyond all comprehension, has completely lost his mind, or simply likes the song The Mighty Quinn so much he wanted Brady Quinn on his roster, no matter the consequences.

Wizard’s Winner…the Fighting Slovaks.

Bullets vs. Dogs

After salvaging his season at the expense of Cousin Adam Slovensky in Week Three, an effort that will no doubt cost Bullet an extra rack of ribs in addition to throwing the annual horse shoe contest at the Slovensky ranch in Brookside next 4^th of July, the Bullets will make the return trip to Brookside to play Mark Burr and the “Brookside / Coalburg Road Canines” in what should amount to little more than the BDFL version of “GPA therapy” with respect to the “Benton Rebel Rabble” and improving their post season hopes. The Dogs have a lot more bark than bite, and even their bark is little more than whimper.

Wizard’s Winner…the Bullets.

Mayors vs. Cheetahs

One thing pols and pole dancers have in common is both will bed a rattlesnake if somebody will hold its head making this match up between the “Shelby County Gutter Sluts” and the “Pork Barrel Bozos” an interesting one, even if only to see which team can sink lower than the other in the BDFL’s equivalent of morale “lumbada” contest. With Atlanta taking the week off, the Mayors lose the heart of their ground game and have very little waiting in the wings to fill the void. Still, the Cheetahs are a lot like the girl across the room that looks a lot better at closing time under poor lighting. They look good at a first glance, but go downhill quickly the more scrutiny they face.

Wizard’s Winner…the Mayors.

Juggernauts vs. Blitz

The Great Wizardo was astounded to see ELVO laying 3.5 points and hanging the “favorite” tag on the “T-town Blundering Turds” although not nearly as surprising once the Wizard learned that ELVO’s alter ego, the Iron Hand, traded for a benched quarterback, one that he will be forced to start on Sunday. However, and in ELVO’s defense, the points were validated once the Wizard looked at the carnage that is the “Jugger Nots” roster. The Nauts may already need to begin making preparations to position themselves for next year’s draft, and can certainly go on Priceline and book a room for the mullet toss extravaganza at year’s end.

Wizard’s Winner…the Blitz.

Wildcats vs. Power Sleds

After throwing double digit touchdown passes in a mere two games, all Jerry James and the “Just Say No Felines” needed was one simple touchdown dink from Drew Brees to drag victory from the jaws of defeat. Alas, it was not to be as Brees threw not a single touchdown pass last Sunday thereby costing the Wildcats a win versus the Wizards that was clearly there for the taking. Meanwhile, Jack Barnes and his “Fairfield Raggedy Hobos” hopped a midnight train to Memphis to flex their muscles in convincing style last Sunday. However, while ELVO is quick to give the Sleds credit for the impressive victory, the Wizard, as only he can do, says when you kick the tires and look under the hood, the Power Sleds are too light on horsepower to pull away from the Cats very far, if any at all.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wildcats.

 BDFL Scorecard

Wizard 12	ELVO 12

 

Latest Lines

2009 Week 4

GRE @ FS (P)

MAY @ CHE (-2.5)

JUG @ BLZ (-3.5)

WIL @ PS (-3.5)

BOO (-3.5) @ WIZ

BUL (-4.5) @ DOG

WOO @ SM (-5.5)

WW @ GAM (-6.5)

OPEN: ALL TEAMS PLAYING

Prognosticator

of the Year

This is the highest award for fantasy football prognosticating. It is affectionally known as the POTY among fantasy football prognosticators and fantasy football handicappers. It is awarded annually to the best fantasy football prognosticator in the world. The POTY!

The POTY was captured by the Evil Las Vegas Oddsmakers in 2008 with a 69-67 game vict'ry margin over the Wizard

Wizard's Quote

of the Week

"After warning the league that despite a strong team, the “Helena Euro Trash” could screw up a wet dream if given half a chance, the Slovaks promptly proved the Wizard to be the soothsayer he is by layin’ an egg in Week Three" when help ensure the Blitz is on the fritz.

2009 Wisdom

2008 Wisdom

2007 Wisdom

2006 Wisdom

Past Wisdom

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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