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 TheBDFL.com          WIZARDZ WINNERZ                       2008

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The BDFL's Weekly Pigskin Prognostications

From The Wizard

 Week 12

 Cheetahs vs. Gamblers

Who would have “thunk” that heading into Week 12 of the BDFL season that two of the league’s most tradition rich franchises would have more combined BDFL titles (5), untarnished of course, than victories (4)? Nevertheless, that is exactly the where Butch Neal’s “Pink Panthers” and Kenny Breal’s “Bayou Bambinos” find themselves when they square of New Orleans on Sunday. Both have learned that restin’ on their laurels and rollin’ their helmets out to midfield are hardly enough to put the fear of the Good Lord in their opponents, much less guarantee a “dubya.” Back in his hey day Kenny was required to file multiple flight plans with the local airport before heading to the softball diamond due to his ability to launch Tahiti blue dots into orbit. However, this year’s version of the Gamblers is more likely to cut underground cables than anything although the Wizard thinks even such a paltry effort should be more than enough to trounce the woeful Cheetahs.

Wizard’s Winner…the Gamblers.

Wizards vs. Sloth Monsters

The Great Wizardo has often been heard opining “If ya’ gonna’ go ugly, go ugly early. That way you get the best of the uglies.” Something his namesake, the Wizards, took to heart by eking out a win against their bitter rivals the Wooden Warriors in Week 11. Nevertheless, while pulling out a win only a mother could love, the “Pasco County Lollipop Guild” did manage to put themselves in prime position to capture the Green Horn Division title and the “Big Dance” ticket that comes with it. On the other side of the coin, Mike Dismukes and the “Certified “B” Class Silver Lakes Sluggers” have been a cure-all tonic for opposing teams’ offenses, at least until turning the tables last weekend with an offensive explosion of their own, leaving their title hopes in ruins. While the championship bracket is but a distant memory for the Sloths, taking playoff bound teams like the Wizards down a peg, or even playing the role of the spoiler with others on the “bubble”, does give them something to do until the end of the season when they make their trip to Orange Beach to toss mullets with the other BDFL outcasts. A note of caution for the Wizards and other BDFL teams tempted to taunt the one-time BDFL champion Sloths, Mukes and his tree huggers have had more than their share of misfortune in 2008 and are long overdue for the pendulum to swing back in the other direction.

Wizard’s Winner…the Sloth Monsters.

Wildcats vs. Mayors

A pair of division leaders square off in what could be a playoff preview when Jerry James and the “Rocky Ridge Stoned Cats” go across town to challenge Alan Arrington’s “Royal Rubes” at Fair Park Sunday afternoon.  Both teams are already getting measured for tuxedos for the year end Prom, but will gladly take time away from the preparations to send a message to the other on who rules the roost. The problem is there are two teams ready to send a message, but there is only one message to be sent. The Wildcats have been showing more fang and claw than normal in recent weeks and appear poised to give the Mayors a healthy dose of both when the battle commences. However, while the Great Wizardo’s former flame, Stevie Nicks of Fleetwood Mac, (Wizard’s Note: The Wizard cannot confirm that Ms. Nicks was ever fully aware that her and the young, impressionable Wizard were ever actually an “item” back in the day.) once crooned that “Rulers make bad lovers…you better put your kingdom up for sale”, he does have to take some issue with this piece of advice, this despite typically deferring to Stevie, advice for Alan because the Mayors look even enough on paper for the Mayors to walk away Fair Park this weekend with enough votes to stave off any ideas of filibustering the Wildcats may have.

Wizard’s Winner…the Mayors.

Fighting Slovaks vs. PowerSleds

Jack Barnes and the “Fairfield Florence Nightingales” have been searching in vain for the all important 7th “dubya” that pushes them over the infamous “Bullet Line”, and quite possibly into the playoffs. After stoning the graveyard dead Grenades in Week 11, the Schedule Maker tosses a Larry King-sized softball at the Sleds in the form of Adam Slovensky and the “Fumbling Slovaks” who, while reportedly drowning their sorrows in large quantities of suds, have been so bad as to set new highs, or lows as the case may be, for sucking golf balls through garden hoses. Still, Jack is not particular in who will be the Sleds 7th victim, and will wholeheartedly take the Slovaks to the woodshed for yet another beating. ELVO put a big line on the tepid Slovaks, but the Wizard says he still wasn’t generous enough.

Wizard’s Winner…the PowerSleds.

Juggernauts vs. Bullets

In spite of tokin on a number, diggin’ on the radio, and a whining left rear tire, Bullet and the “Free State of Lowndes County Confederacy” have had their souped up Chevy with the peace sign, the mag wheels, and four on the floor running at maximum RPM in recent weeks as they close in on a division title and yet another chance to break the curse-that-shall-not-be-named. Not to be outdone, Allyson Edwards and the “Bra Burners” are poised to advance to the playoffs as well, but have a little more work to do to ensure their spot on the dance floor at the Prom. Both have at least the required seven victory prerequisite, but Allyson’s point total still leaves her on the brink of heading to the Gulf for the winter instead. Unfortunately for Allyson, if the Juggernauts have any aspirations of going bowling, they will have to do it the old fashioned way by earning it because while Big Brother Obama will certainly bail out the Big Three in Detroit come 2009, he has no such plans for our friends of the Asian persuasion, not that they actually need any help. Further, while Allyson may take exception to Bullet’s “Bow Tie” affinity, she will probably be even more offended by the 6.5 points ELVO is laying on his kid brother. While the Wizard can understand ELVO’s thought process, at least as much as the Wizard is capable of understanding such mundane matters, it hardly means he is in agreement and thinks the Nauts will have plenty to say about it as well before day’s end on Sunday.

Wizard’s Winner…the Juggernauts.

Wooden Warriors vs. Blitz

Jerry Fritz and the “Rammer Jammers of the Rhineland” welcome Jaimie Hand and the “Leakin’ Mohicans” to Tuscaloosa for what may be the week’s most heated contest. Both teams are locked in tight battles to advance to the playoffs and desperately need to win this match up and post big numbers in the process to keep their title hopes alive. Although the Blitz has the magical seven “dubyas”, the Warriors are yet to cross the “Bullet Line” with only three more shots to get there before the end of the regular season. Regardless, “moving day” in the BDFL is fast approaching and whether either of theses teams are moving on to the championship series or on to the Gulf Shores Toll Road instead may largely be decided based on its outcome. ELVO can’t decide whether to defecate or get off the pot on this one as evidenced by his rating the game a toss up, but the Wizard has no such trouble, which is why the Great Wizardo is…the Great Wizardo. Brett Favre is the main bullet in the Blitz’s chamber, but he has to face a ferocious Titan defense with much to prove to the rest of the country. Add that to a weak ground attack and Favre’s penchant for throwing the ball up for grabs, and the Wizard says that spells (Wizard’s Note: A young and impressionable Wizard was a former spelling bee champion at Snow Rogers Elementary School) defeat for the home standing Blitz.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wooden Warriors.

Grenades vs. Bootleggers

Frank Thomas Hand and the Brother Ryan Sisters of the Worthless Miracle had high hopes heading into the 2008 season after a strong 2007 campaign. However, a few bad breaks and bounces later they found themselves finishing with a disappointing .500 record. However, Frank Thomas rallied the troops around him and helped engineer a monumental upset over arch rival Brentwood Academy, a feat that had not been accomplished in many a moon. After the game a jubilant F. T. Hand uttered “This gets us even with Martin Luther and the Protestants for nailing those 95 theses on the church door in Wittemburg and starting the Reformation.Not mention putting a hole in the door.” When told that seminal event happened almost 500 years ago in Germany and that Brentwood Academy was not even a Protestant school, a Gatorade soaked Frank Thomas replied “So?” Frank’s father Chris has undergone a similar season that started with so much promise only to devolve into a nightmare in recent weeks. The Grenades’ paltry 219 points have them a mere 15 points out of last place in the league and a scant 8 points above Cousin Adam in the BDFL pecking order. With the burden of unmet expectations heavy on their shoulders, the Grenades will attempt to recreate the feats of Frank Thomas and the “Miracle of the Mid State” by finishing the year strong starting with Jon Wood and the “Misty Mountain Moonshiners.” However, alas, it is not to be for Chris and the “Charades.”

Wizard’s Winner…the Bootleggers.

Dogs vs. Woosiers

On paper the “Coalburg Canines” appear to have more bark than bite, but in reality this bunch has spent the entire season in the dog house. A hobbled LT and struggles at quarterback have haunted the Dogs all year, and there appears to be little let up as the regular season begins to wind down. With nothing to play for other than getting one step closer to the merciful end of the year, Mark and the Mutts will play the role of the sacrificial lamb being led to the slaughter when they travel to Smoke Rise to play Tommy Todd and the “West Blount Bohemians” in a what could be best described as a slaughter waiting to happen. ELVO again sets the bar high for the Great Wizardo, but the Wizard says he should clear it with plenty of room to spare, and that the Woosiers should follow suit.

Wizard’s Winner…the Woosiers. 

Wizard's Quote

of the Week

"After stoning the graveyard dead Grenades in Week 11, the Schedule Maker tosses a Larry King-sized softball at the Sleds in the form of Adam Slovensky and the “Fumbling Slovaks” who, while reportedly drowning their sorrows in large quantities of suds, have been so bad as to set new highs, or lows as the case may be, for sucking golf balls through garden hoses"
 

2008 Wisdom

2007 Wisdom

2006 Wisdom

Past Wisdom

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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