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 TheBDFL.com          WIZARDZ WINNERZ                       2007

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From The Wizard

Week #3

Juggernauts vs. Cheetahs

The Great Wizardo always that, “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.”, which could very well describe Allyson Edwards and the “JoggerNauts” two weeks into the BDFL season. The Juggernauts have been at ramming speed so far this year and have no plans of slowing down when they arrive at the “Booby Bungalow” in Riverchase to battle Butch Neal and his “Matress Dancin’ Madames”, who are off to a red hot start of their own and have scored more often this season than one of Butch’s ladies of the evening on nickel night at the local B&B (bed & brothel). Unfortunately for Allyson, while a rolling stone gathers no moss, a stopped one does and the Nauts will find themselves dead in their tracks come Sunday evening.

Wizard’s Winner…the Cheetahs.

Bullets vs. Fighting Slovaks

A roar of protest arose from the BDFL rank n’ file after the first weekend of play when alleged cronyism by the Iron Handed Commissioner was first questioned. The beneficiary of the latest controversy to hit the scandal-plagued BDFL hierarchy was when it was accused of looking the other way while brother Bullet made what appeared to be an illegal RICKA rule substitution to try and overcome a dreadful draft. Despite what appeared to be convincing evidence, the dictatorial powers that be declared it a non-issue. Nevertheless, this taint of favoritism further tarnishes the “Blemished Benton Bumpkins”, and may serve as a major distraction when they come down out of the hills to play Cousin Adam and the “Suckin’ Flovaks” at Snitz Snyder Stadium in nearby Bessemer. When the last car has been boosted in the stadium parking lot, unfortunately for the Bullets, it will be the Slovaks hanging on for dear life, or at least covering ELVO’s spread.

The Wizard’s Winner…the Fighting Slovaks.

Mayors vs. Blitz

Jerry Fritz and his “Jack-booted Germans” recorded their first victory in the BDFL last weekend, and did so in relatively impressive style by shutting down the Power Sleds’ main power grid for much of the day. This Sunday afternoon the Blitz battle their third straight Gray Beard Division foe when the Mayors take a hop over the “big pond” to try and put the rookies back in their place. The problem is the “Pork ‘n Poke Peddlers” are simply not a very explosive team after QB Peyton Manning, and Alan will find out on Sunday that the only thing worse than a two-man team is a one-man team.

Wizard’s Winner…the Blitz.

Sloth Monsters vs. Bootleggers

Mike Dismukes and the “Green Goblins” have spent more time huggin’ trees and saving the endangered yellow-striped salamander from extinction than trying to win a second untainted BDFL title. The problem is this team looks potent on paper, which may be part of the problem since they play more like a “paper tiger” when the pads go on each Sunday afternoon. While Mukes may be taking the Woosiers’ time-tested and mother-approved route of building a team for the second half of the season and the play-offs, the Sloth Monsters still have to keep themselves in contention while waiting for DonnieMac (as the Philly faithful refer to Donovan McNabb) to get his groove back after undergoing knee surgery late last season. However, despite being only two weeks deep into the season, the Sloths are beginning to look more nervously at the panic button after dropping two straight to start the year. If the Sloth Monsters are to right their ship, this weekend would be an ideal time to do it when they head north of the Mason-Dixon line to play Jon Wood and the “Boot Scootin’ Boogers.” This match up has all the indications of being a nail-biter, so the Wizard just can’t pass up the 4.5 points.

Wizard’s Winner…the Sloth Monsters.

Wizards vs. Gamblers

Merlin and the “Good Ship Lollipoop” have fallen and can’t seem to get up after two weeks of the season, and things won’t get much easier when they sail across the Gulf of Mexico and dock on the Louisiana coast to trade broadsides with the “Nawlins French Licks” in a “battle royale” between a pair of two-time BDFL champions. If Merlin has any magic up his sleeve, now would be an opportune time to pull it out because it will take a serious sleight of hand to leave town with a victory in tow against the explosive Gamblers. Despite the generous 4.5 points ELVO is giving the Wizards, the Great Wizardo thinks that number will more closely match the number of buckets needed by Merlin to bail water on the way home to Tampa rather than the margin of victory.

Wizard Wizard’s Winner…the Gamblers.

Wildcats vs. Power Sleds

“Jack the Ripper” looked more like “Jack the Gripper” after choking his way to a listless, uninspired loss in Week Two, and had best re-fire the generators at the Dolodome if his “Tepid Transformers” have any plans of getting back on track when they welcome Jerry James and the “Aristocats” in Week Three. The Wildcats have struggled to find their stride so far this season, but certainly have the flash to move into their favored penthouse digs atop the BDFL peckin’ order if they start to hit on all cylinders. Sunday afternoon would be an opportune time to begin that trek back up the mountain, and do so at Jack’s expense, and the Wizard says the 2.5 point handicap that ELVO tagged the Cats with won’t slow them down enough to notice.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wildcats.

Wooden Warriors vs. Woosiers

Despite a less than impressive start, Tommy Todd and the “Lo-lo-lo-lo-lola Love Guns” have started the year with two narrow wins, and will only be six away from qualifying for the play offs when they welcome Jaimie Hand and the “Turd Toters” to Smoke Rise this weekend. This level of giddiness, or perhaps an early start on hittin’ the bottle, may have been what prompted Tommy’s rant this week on the superiority of the erstwhile Red Neck Division versus the much-ballyhooed Graybeards. While the Wizard certainly concurs that the Graybeards are more of a media darling than major force on the circuit (Wizard’s Winner: Think Notre Dame.), he’s not ready to crown the Red Neck Division either, especially since the reigning BDFL champion is a Green Horn. Rants and raves aside, the Woosiers will need to be holding more in their hands than their peckers when they host the Warriors if they plan on making it three straight. In the end, however, the Woosiers plans to drink champagne by electric candle light will more than likely find them in the dark imbibing something that tastes just like cherry cola. That’s C-O-L-A, cola.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wooden Warriors.

Grenades vs. Dogs

Mark Burr and the “Coalburg Bone Buriers” are coming off a major beat down last weekend at the hands of the Cheetahs, and are looking at gaining a measure of redemption on Sunday when Chris Hand and the “NashVegas Vandals” bring their glittering high wire act to Brookside and Five Mile Crick Ballpark. The welcome wagon will be rolled out for the visitors when Chris takes the Grenades over to the Slovensky estate prior to the game for all-you-can-eat-barbecue-ribs and a few rounds of horse shoes to get their competitive juices flowing. ELVO is laying heavy on the Grenades, as he is wont to do, but the wiley ol’ Wizards say that even though chicks dig the long balls, something the Grenades must have in large abundance based on the ranting of the Woosiers, the Grenades will ultimately be the ones to head home with their tails tucked.    

Wizard’s Winner…the Dogs.

Wizard's Quote

of the Week

"The problem is the “Pork ‘n Poke Peddlers” are simply not a very explosive team after QB Peyton Manning, and Alan will find out on Sunday that the only thing worse than a two-man team is a one-man team"

2007 Wisdom

2006 Wisdom

Past Wisdom

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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