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 TheBDFL.com          WIZARDZ WINNERZ                       2007

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The BDFL's Weekly Pigskin Prognostications

From The Wizard

Week #1

Wizards vs. Fighting Slovaks

Once the perennial doormat of the BDFL, Adam Slovensky and his “Flatulating Slovaks” fought their way through the BDFL last season in route to a Greenhorn Division title only to see their championship dreams dashed at the hands of the “Pasco County Oz Men” in the play-offs. However, Adam will get an early shot at redemption, and the photo opportunity that comes with it, when the Slovaks welcome their intra-divisional rival, the Wizards, in Week One. The Wizards were unable to make the trek north for the BDFL Genuine Draft and paid dearly for their transgression. With the Wiz on the lam and none of the James’ boys at the draft table to pick up the slack, the cub bard could be a little bare this winter. As Uncle Ray Fields used to say, “Tighten up boys, there’s gonna’ be a lay off!” Assuming that time-tested advice is still accurate, the Wiz may want to beat the Christmas rush and stock up on Vaseline and ten penny nails now.

Wizard’s Winner…the Fighting Slovaks.

Grenades vs. Blitz

The BDFL rank ‘n file has nervously awaited change orders from high atop the BFDL throne in Nashville as the Iron Handed Commissioner makes yet another vain attempt to finally steal a title. Numerous attempts in the past to finagle a championship have resulted in dismal failures for Chris, but it’s a new year and anything is possible. The Grenades hope to get a jump on the league by scheduling BDFL rookie Jerry Fritz and his “Blitzkrieg Bullies” on opening day. The Gamblers not withstanding, rookies tend to struggle mightily in their inaugural season in the BDFL. Whether it’s drafting off of Jaimie’s “B list” or  drafting two kickers right out of the box (Wizard’s Note: The Sloths inadvertently thought they could start two kickers at once only to find out their brilliant scheme doomed their season before it even began.), the ol’ crystal ball says ya’ shouldn’t expect too much from the newly minted Blitz in their inaugural season. Nevertheless, the wiley ol’ Wizard has ridden “the tanks in the generals ranks when the blitzkrieg raged and the bodies stank” and knows the Germans are good for starting at least two world wars a century. The only problem is they’re good at starting wars, but not so good at finishing them. Nevertheless, it may not take much of an army to conquer the Grenades, or at least give the Wiz a backdoor cover.

Wizard’s Winner…the Blitz.

Bootleggers vs. Woosiers

After being flushed out of the Tennessee foothills by the D.C. Revenuers, Jon Wood packed his family and earthly belongings into his big, black Dodge and headed north for what he hopes are greener pastures. However, judging from his draft day meltdown a change of scenery may not have been what the doctor ordered based on what appears to be a very mediocre bunch in the Bootlegger line-up. Unfortunately for Jon, he’ll be sorely tested when he goes on the road to West Blount to open the season against the defending Redneck Division champion and BDFL runner-up Woosiers. Tommy Todd and the “Smoke-em-if-ya-got-em Woo Crew” are looking to finish what they started last year and don’t figure the Bootleggers will have much to say or do about it on opening day. And the wiley ol’ Wizard concurs.

Wizard’s Winner…the Woosiers.

Gamblers vs. Sloth Monsters

It appears all is well in the land of the “Wagin’ Cajuns” after what appeared to be a stellar performance at the 2007 BDFL draft. With a strong line-up in tow, expect the Gamblers to be pushing their chips to the middle of the table whenever possible this season. However, the Gamblers had best not mail it in on opening day because they face a stern test when they go on the road to Lake Cyrus to take on Mike Dismukes and his “Screamin’ Demons”, who also acquitted themselves rather admirably on draft day. The Sloth Monsters vowed to never draft sober again after a draft day disaster two years ago, and based on their post draft roster the Wizard says that Mukes must have left strict orders for the waitress to bring one pitcher of beer every 15 minutes until he passed out followed by a pitcher every 10 minutes thereafter because the Sloths are clearly loaded for bear this season and have a better than average shot at a second BDFL title. Unfortunately for Mukes, the Gamblers have the firepower to take down an elephant, and will likely stop, or at least tap the brakes on, the Sloth Monsters’ title dreams.

Wizard’s Winner…the Gamblers.

Bullets vs. Wooden Warriors

After spending so much time whining about the Wizards’ improbable run through the play-offs to the 2006 BDFL title, Bullet and the “Lowndes County Loan Sharks” began to sound a lot like Rusty Wallace, and probably started drinking Miller Lite, too, to complete the picture. To make matters worse, the Bullets basically crapped their pants at the 2007 BDFL Genuine Draft by selecting three players that are not even on a NFL roster at press time in addition to a quarterback, Chris Simms, who will likely join that terrible trio on the sidelines before opening day. Of course, the Wizard says spitting out kids like a pez dispenser can have that effect, something Bullet has apparently perfected judging by the three rug rats he has in diapers. Unfortunately for Bullet, his crew will have to hit the ground running because little brother Jaimie, who drafted his usual list of solid-players-doomed-to-have-a-good-regular-season-and-maybe-even-a-play-off-run-before-upchucking-their-way-to-another-failed-title-shot, looms ominously in their opener. Even worse, no one wants to play Jaimie before the temperatures and the leaves began to fall, and with the thermometer cruising past 100 degrees on a daily basis and the Fultondale foliage in full bloom, Bullet shouldn’t expect much mercy. And likely won’t even get a cold beer for his troubles.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wooden Warriors.

Juggernauts vs. Dogs

“Allyson Wonderland” and her “Hookah tokin’ caterpillars” have been going down one rabbit hole after another in search of BDFL respectability over the years, but have yet to find the right ingredients to bake a cake. In Allyson’s defense, injuries have thinned their ranks the last couple of years, a problem compounded by a league with an already razor thin talent pool due to its policy of letting anyone join that’s willing to write a check for the entry fee (excluding Bucket) in addition to lining the commissioner’s pockets with cash, preferably unmarked and non-sequential. However, 2007 may be the year the rest of the BDFL rank n’ file stands up and takes notice of the Juggernauts after an impressive draft. First up to test the Nauts is Mark Burr and the “Five Mile Crick Fire Hydrant Hikers” in Brookside. The Wizards has always said that there’s no place on earth hotter than Brookside on the 4th of July, and, unfortunately for Mark, the Dogs will be the main course on the barbecue spit at Five Mile Crick come Sunday afternoon. But at least he’ll get to play a few free rounds of horseshoes afterwards.

Wizard’s Winner…the Juggernauts.

Power Sleds vs. Mayors

After reviewing the draft day results, the Great Wizardo can only surmise that Alan Arrington and his “Pork Barrel Peddlers” must have been under the influence of drugs, alcohol, women, or a combination of the three because on paper the Mayors look like a bunch of political patsies. Of course, the BDFL is won on the field of combat and not on paper, and the Mayors will get a chance to show their mettle right out of the gate when they take on Jack Barnes and the “Fairfield Follies” at Fair Park Sunday afternoon. Jack’s Power Sleds roared back to life in 2006, complete with a Gray Beard Division championship and a Dick Tracy decoder ring to show for their efforts. However, what appeared to be a certain BDFL title run fell just short, so Jack still has some unfinished business if he plans to add that long awaited 3^rd championship to his trophy case. The Great Wizardo is uncertain if the 2007 Sleds have the horses to make a run for the roses, but also doubts he will need much more than a few Shetling ponies to take out the Mayors in their opener.

Wizard’s Winner…the PowerSleds.

Cheetahs vs. Wildcats

Butch Neal and his “Furry Felines” were long on horse power in 2006, but short on victories and were one of a record eight teams that fell victim to the infamous “Bullet Rule” when the regular season concluded. However, Butch has gone from a perennial BDFL doormat to a legitimate power player over the last several seasons and was less than thrilled with 2006’s outcome.  Further, he aims to right the wrong that was 2006 and plans to start with Jerry James and the “Mild Cats.” Two years ago the Wildcats roared to a division championship and a runner-up finish in the BDFL before dropping back into rank ‘n file mediocrity last season. Early indications point to Jerry heading down the same path again this year because, unfortunately for Jerry, he will probably learn the hard way that playing “scratch ‘n sniff” with an ornery jungle cat is not too good for one’s health.

Wizard’s Winner…the Cheetahs.

Week #1

The Latest Lines

Grenades (-2.5) at Blitz – Bryant-Denny is a tough place to play on any given Sunday. Most times we couldn’t even get in to play.

PowerSleds (-4.5) at Mayors – Grey Bread slugfest for a seat on the Jefferson County Commission

Cheetahs (-3.5) at Wildcats – This is just like a Spain Park vs. Vestavia Hills type rivalry game

Juggernauts (-5.5) at Dogs – More like one for those dog shows than a football game

Bootleggers at Woosiers (-3.5) – Whiskey bottles will be broke over some heads during this melee at the Banger Cave

Bullets at Wooden Warriors (-6.5) – This rivalry goes back to fighting over the Cream of Wheat box for something to play with it

Gamblers (-1.5) at Sloth Monsters – Worm pills will be little help for the Muker at the poker table or at this HR Derby

Wizards (-2.5) at Fighting Slovaks – A grudge match to test the Kick-Off Cash/Slovensky Family conspiracy theory

Wizard's Quote

of the Week

"Nevertheless, the Wiley ol’ Wizard has ridden “the tanks in the generals ranks when the blitzkrieg raged and the bodies stank” and knows the Germans are good for starting at least two world wars a century. The only problem is they’re good at starting wars, but not so good at finishing them"

2007 Wisdom

2006 Wisdom

Past Wisdom

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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