THE OFFICIAL INTERNET SITE OF THE BIG DADDY FOOTBALL LEAGUE

 TheBDFL.com       WIZARDZ WINNERZ                    Week 12

Inside

The BDFL

The BDFL

Column

of Fame

Past Wizard

Wisdom

ww04

www1

www2

www3

www4

www5

www6

www7

www8

www9

www10

www11

From The Crystal Ball
The BDFL's Weekly Pigskin Prognostications

By The Wizard

Week 12

Grenades vs. Bullets

Jerome Hand and the “Tainted Title Titans” like their women and corn liquor served the same way - nice and sweet, and preferably grown very close to the family tree, as it were. That being said, the Bullets will load up the family wagon and head to the bright lights and big stars of Nashville to take on older brother Chris and the “Iron Men” in a “Sibling Civil War” that is anything but civil and one that will likely leave body parts scattered across most of the Tennessee Valley down to at least the Slovensky’s homestead in Brookside before the battle is decided. Bullet best beware that any advance on his brother’s NashVegas stronghold will meet with fierce resistance and the visitors had better bring a good supply of body bags because the Grenades will have plenty of their own firewater brewed up for Bullet’s arrival and the Great Wizardo (all great prognosticators refer to themselves in the 3^rd person) says the sour mash whiskey the Grenades will serve should leave the Bullets in an equally sour mood for their return trip home.

Wizard’s Winner…the Grenades.

Mayors vs. Bootleggers

It’ll take a program to tell the good guys from the bad guys this weekend when the “Magic City Pork Peddlers” try hawkin’ their wares to the local “Hillbilly Nation” in Bristol Sunday afternoon, and even then it will still be hard to tell them apart. The Wizard always says the difference between a bootlegger and a politician is similar to that of Catholics and Baptists – Baptists, like politicians, don’t say “hello” to each other in the liquor store. In addition to their poor manners, the Mayors will prove to be a less than hospitable visitor as well while the home team will likely turn out to be far too gracious a host. The Bootleggers have been decimated with injuries this year and is a mere shell of its early season self, and although the Woods’ Brothers will do everything possible to slide by the Mayors coming through Turn 4 on the local Thunder Valley dirt track, the Wizard says the only thing the Bootleggers will likely get for their troubles is their own mud packed.

Wizard’s Winner…Mayors.

Cheetahs vs. Woosiers

There’s been little joy in “Whoville” this year for Tommy Todd and the “Who?siers”. After watching their opponents return a missed field goal 108 yards (how likely is that?) and a touchdown run by Marion Barber in Week 10, who Tommy selected in the Supplemental Draft and then promptly parked on the pine, the Woosiers officially began preparations for handing over the BDFL crown that has resided in Smoke Rise since last December. In all reality, the Woosiers probably should have begun preparations back in August when Tommy decided to attend the BDFL draft instead of bringing in a ringer like he did last year. Nevertheless, playing the role of the “Grinch” this week will be Butch Neal and his bouncing, bevy of “Brick $&!#house-built Babes”, and the Woosiers should expect little sympathy from them when the “Sin Wagon” slides into town to begin celebrating the Holidays. The Cheetahs are locked in an Indian leg-wrestling match with the Grenades for control of the Gray Beard Division with neither team appearing ready to blink anytime soon. Although Butch owns the first tiebreaker (the second tiebreaker is a best two out of three of Rock, Paper, Scissors) over Chris due to his defeat of the Grenades in Week One, he still has plenty of tough sledding ahead if he plans to lead the Cats into the Final Four. Despite a Week 11 rampage, the Wizard says the Woosiers will find a way to lose, and are more than capable of inventing one if necessary.

Wizard’s Winner…the Cheetahs.

Juggernauts vs. Wizards

The “Magical Mystery Tour” has been in high gear the last couple of weeks, but still has the odds against it when it comes to even qualifying for the BDFL Final Four. Nevertheless, if the Wizards have any designs on running the table it will have to start with Allyson Edwards and the “Rice Rockets” on Sunday. Despite edging closer to the front running Wildcats in the Yellowhammer Division, the Juggernauts have their own “tainted title” issues to deal with as the end of the season draws near. A dubious won-loss record has them on the brink of elimination as well making a victory on Sunday more important to their division title hopes than how many points they rack up. Nevertheless, when tea time draws to a close Sunday evening, the “Arts & Croissant Crowd” will make sure their visitors have plenty of tea and crumpets at their disposal, but will not be so kind when it comes to handing over a victory.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wizards.

Sloth Monsters vs. Wildcats

Despite a tough time earlier in the year, Mike Dismukes’ “Heartbreakers & Lifetakers” have quietly positioned themselves for a potential run at the Greenhorn Division title and the chance for a second BDFL championship that comes with it. The Sloths are within range of leading the point battle in the GHD, but had better start turning the screws at a faster rate if they want to overtake the Wooden Warriors in the standings over the last month of the regular season. However, they face a daunting task when they take on the “Rocky Ridge Saber-toothed Tigers” Sunday evening. The Wildcats have been at the forefront of the Yellow Hammer Division all season and the recent struggles of the ‘Nauts have provided them enough of a lead to allow the Cats to rest on their laurels for at least a short period of time. Although Jerry will have his “Kitties” pay a visit to their scratchin’ post to sharpen their claws, they will ultimately get tied to the whippin’ post come Sunday evening.

Wizard’s Winner…the Sloth Monsters.

Wooden Warriors vs. Dogs

Jaimie Hand and the “Two-Out Turd Toters” have been winning ugly as of late, but it stills looks as “purdy” as Ned Beatty’s mouth to the Wooden Warriors at this point in the season. Thanks to his brother Bullet, points are not enough anymore if Jaimie hopes to bring home the Hand family’s first untarnished BDFL title. Fortunately for the Tribe, they always look forward to going to Brookside so they can feast on some good barbecue and potato salad at the local Slovensky home near Five Mile Crick Ballpark. They can also squeeze in a few rounds of horseshoes before heading across the street to face Mark Burr and the “Tirebiters” Sunday afternoon. At this point in the year, the Dogs are relegated to playing the role of the spoiler and would like nothing better than to let some of the air out of Jaimie’s tires this weekend. The Dogs will certainly get their chance to do that and although the Wizard foresees the Wooden Warriors squeaking out a tough win, he doesn’t see them covering the spread.

Wizard’s Winner…the Dogs.

Blades vs. Fighting Slovaks

In a game where one team is struggling due to an absentee-owner and the other is struggling even more because the owner isn’t absent enough, the “North Shelby Turf Trimmers” will make the short trip to Helena to try and give the “Frolicking Slaves” a nasty case of “grass-in-the-rectum” disease. Very little has gone right for the Slovaks in 2005 and it’s hard to look at their roster (actually, it’s impossible) and see any real hope of things turning around before next year’s draft, assuming of course he lets Frank Thomas Hand draft for him. Adam will be sure to have everyone inoculated prior to the Blades arrival, but the Great Wizardo doesn’t think it will do much to help immunize his team against the visitors. Besides, by the time ol’ Doc Guffin arrives to diagnose the disease, it will be far too late for the home team to do anything about it. 

Wizard’s Winner…the Blades.

Gamblers vs. Power Sleds

“Mad Jack” Barnes has been on a rampage of late and is on the verge of pulling his “Midnight Train to Memphis” back into the Gray Beard Division race if he can keep it on the tracks the next few weeks at its current speed. Meanwhile, Kenny Breal has been playing blind man’s bluff with the Bullets the last few weeks to see who can wrest control of the Red Neck Division away from the other and has to like his chances as long as he and the “Biloxi Blackjack Attack” are dealing the cards, preferably from the bottom of the deck. The Gamblers have most of their chips on the Packers and have to hope Brett Favre can keep Father Time at bay a little longer if he plans to get an invite to the Big Dance beginning Week 16. The Gamblers may still get that invitation, but it won’t be at the Sleds expense.

Wizard’s Winner…the Power Sleds.

Quote of the

Week

"Jaimie Hand and the “Two-Out Turd Toters” have been winning ugly as of late, but it stills looks as “purdy” as Ned Beatty’s mouth to the Wooden Warriors at this point in the season"
 

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blades | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

Concept, names, logos and designs are registered trademarks and intellectual property of The BDFL © 2005