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 TheBDFL.com          WIZARDZ WINNERZ                       2007

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From The Wizard

Week #2

Bootleggers vs. Wooden Warriors

Jon Wood and the “Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers” invade the Southland this weekend when they roll on to the reservation to battle Jaimie Hand and his “Shriekin’ Mohicans” in Week 2. Despite the season still being in its infancy, Jon shouldn’t expect to be smoking the proverbial peace pipe with the home team because Jaimie is wired to end his dismal streak of late season folds by gaining maximum momentum in the season’s early stages. The Tribe is particularly, shall we say, “prickly” about the subject, especially after watching a golden chance to end his years of frustration in the premier NASCAR fantasy league in the world (as voted by the media) go up in smoke after the wheels literally came off a seemingly invincible team. The Bootleggers are weak as water on paper and their opener last Sunday did little to dispel that notion. The Wizard says there won’t be too much dispellin’ this week either.   

Wizard’s Winner…the Wooden Warriors.

Blitz vs. PowerSleds

Despite an impressive showing in their BDFL debut, Jerry Fritz’s “Druid City Dreadnaughts” came up just shy of a huge opening day win, and would have had one were it not for Minnesota Vikings’ MVP Joey Harrington gift wrapping 18 points for the Grenades to stave off the newcomers. Even having Joe “Willie” Namath in the booth to announce the game couldn’t quite get Jerry over the hump in spite of the former Bama star and NFL Hall of Famer mentioning the word “blitz” a documented 467 times during the broadcast including at least 69 references to his patented, “They came wit da’ blitz!” line before games end. Nevertheless, a short memory is a plus in the rugged BDFL because the next competitor is always approaching at maximum speed, something the Blitz may find out in earnest when “Mad” Jack Barnes and his “Rusty Rail Riders” welcome them to Fairfield Sunday afternoon. A return to the throne that Jack occupied in the early days of the BDFL appeared to be sure bet last season before fate, and LT all but sitting out Week 16, dictated otherwise. Jack’s back to finish the job this year, and should have little trouble disposing of the newbies as his quest gets up to ramming speed.

The Wizard’s Winner…the Power Sleds.

Woosiers vs. Wizards

Back in the spring the Wizard’s ol’ lady woke him up one Saturday morning and said that apparently two cars had burned up in a neighbor’s driveway three doors down. Now the Wizard can be more than a little ornery when awakened from a peaceful slumber, and was none to pleased with his little lady at the time. However, unbeknownst to him, during the night two cars had in fact burst into flames (Wizard’s Note: The neighbors said it must have been “spontaneous combustion”, though the Wizards suspects it was something a bit more sinister.) and left nothing but two charred wrecks, a blackened driveway and a toasted lawn more reminiscent of Beirut or Baghdad than Tampa. Fire trucks were on the scene and created quite a ruckus, although when asked to “describe the ruckus” the Wizard had no reply. And all of this without the Wizard having the first clue as to what was happening. The point is even if you miss something big and obvious, such as the BDFL draft or two cars going up in flames next door, life still goes on and the world keeps turnin’. Something the Wizard is learning in spades headed to Week 2.

Wizard’s Winner…the Woosiers.

Sloth Monsters vs. Bullets

Mike Dismukes and the “Sloshed Monsters” staggered out of the proverbial gate on opening day,  and find themselves needing a victory at Trey Pettimore Stadium in Week Two against Bullet and his gang of “Tainted Trophy Totin’ White Trash” this weekend if he plans to keep from diggin’ himself a king-sized crater before the season gets started good ‘n proper. Meanwhile, the Bullets begin yet another doomed effort to bring home the first untainted BDFL title in Hand/Slovensky history. Although draft day was a travesty, the Bullets still found a way to throw up some very impressive numbers in Week One, most likely by pulling something out of their backside besides someone else’s foot, and may yet prove the Wizard wrong in his gloomy forecasts for the Bullets. But the Wizard doubts it.

Wizard’s Winner…the Sloth Monsters.

Wildcats vs. Grenades

The Wizard always says that, “close only counts in horse shoes, hand grenades, and if ya’ got the opposing team’s quarterback in your back pocket”,  and that old adage held true for Chris Hand and the “Nantucket Nadsmen” in their season opener as the upstart Blitz put up a valiant fight before finally going quietly into that good night after Chris’s Minnesota defense took two picks to the house off of Falcon QB Joey Harrington to provide the margin of victory. Still, there is little time for celebration in Nashville as Jerry James and his “Cagey Kitties” come to town in hopes of toying with the home team. In the rural south the old phrase, “Cat got an @$$?” means an emphatic “yes, of course.” By Sunday evening Chris will see that Jerry has a new twist on an old sayin’ when he finds out the “cat got an @$$ whoopin’” in store for his Grenades.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wildcats.

Gamblers vs. Slovaks

Adam Slovensky and his “Rappin’ Euro Rejects” edged the Wizards in a bitter intra-divisional battle in their opener in one of their classic low scoring affairs, and the Slovaks have high hopes of getting out of the gate even quicker in Week Two at the expense of Kenny Breal and the “Voodoo Dice Lords.” The Gamblers started the season on a high note despite getting no production from SD Charger quarterback Phillip Rivers, something that should be a true rarity in 2007 for the former Athens, AL High School star. Nevertheless, the Slovaks are fielding perhaps their strongest team ever and will have to be very creative to find a way to blow up what appears to be a legitimate title shot. However, being creative is a Slovensky strong point and the Wizard thinks he’ll invent a way to do so before season’s end, or at least long enough to let the Gamblers escape Helena relatively unscathed.

Wizard’s Winner…the Gamblers.

Mayor vs. Juggernauts

Alan Arrington and his “Court Jesters” will try to resuscitate their image this weekend when they leave the friendly confines of their liberal, bleeding heart Birmingham base for a quick trip down I-20 to Leeds where they take on Allyson Edwards and the “Ambulance Chasin’ Amazons.” Both teams got off to impressive starts in their respective openers and are pointing to this game to demonstrate their prowess before the rest of the league. While Allyson is still searching for BDFL respectability, the Mayors are hoping to get back among the BDFL’s elite after a couple of tough years following their BDFL title run in 2004. The Mayors will have their share of success in 2007, but the little ol’ crystal ball says it will be somewhat limited and that Alan will likely see that the jury is still out on their season when the Juggernauts’ legal eagles finish closing arguments late Sunday evening.

Wizard’s Winner…the Juggernauts.

Cheetahs vs. Dogs

In his youth Butch Neal was known for his dazzling speed and shifty moves on the gridiron at GHS before graying hair, a thinning pate, and a middle age spread slowed him down somewhat. Nevertheless, his “Snarlin’ Darlins” showed flashes of yesteryear in Week One in hanging 34 points on their opponents in the season opener giving rise to yet another possible title run for the Cheetahs. Meanwhile, Mark Burr’s “Dog Town Terrors” were anything but last Sunday after a dismal start to the year, and will be looking to rebound when they return home to Five Mile Crick Stadium to host the Cheetahs on Sunday afternoon. Fast cars and faster women are always high on the Cheetahs’ wish list, but the Wiz is doubtful they will find enough of either in Brookside to slake their desires.

Wizard’s Winner…the Dogs.

Wizard's Quote

of the Week

"Although draft day was a travesty, the Bullets still found a way to throw up some very impressive numbers in Week One, most likely by pulling something out of their backside besides someone else’s foot, and may yet prove the Wizard wrong in his gloomy forecasts for the Bullets. But the Wizard doubts it"

2007 Wisdom

2006 Wisdom

Past Wisdom

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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