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By Bob Bullet

Week 17: ROUND THREE of the BDCS 

Grenadiers Capture the Quest for the Grand Daddy

“Fluke of the Universe” Comes True:

(1.) The Commissioner needed three teams ahead of him in the ‘point total’ category to finish below 500 (Bullet Rule) to make it into the Big Daddy Championship Series, CHECK. (2.) He needed the Top-Seeded Gamblers to score single-digits in Round One, so he could advance in the BDCS, with a paltry 17-point performance, CHECK. (3.) Old Iron then needed the game of his life to knock off the Defending BDFL Champions in the semi-finals, while at the same time having the Bullets score less than normal, CHECK. (4.) Then, he needed a match-up against his ‘other’ brother (the ultimate Big Daddy Bowl runner-up) in the Championship Game to have a shot at his first-ever BDFL Title, CHECKMATE.

Or to Borrow a Line from Al Michael’s; “This impossible dream comes true!”

Yes, Chris Hand’s “fluke of the universe” finish came out just like he envisioned. The Cool Springs Grenadiers (the futile franchise formerly known as the Green Springs Grenades) won their first BDFL title with a resounding vict’ry over youngest brother Jaimie and his Wooden Warriors, 27-12. The epic encounter at Ed Bruce Field at Rocket-Driver Stadium was a real dud and was not near as close as the final score would indicate. The Woodies were never in it, trailing 18-4 at one point. The cold weather did not bold well for the Tribe, which actually lost this Big Daddy Bowl in less agonizing fashion than they had in previous years. Old Kawliga will remain a charter member of the Null Set Club (along with only the Brookside Dogs) as all of the original BDFL franchises still in operation have won at least one championship except these two (others: Nauts, Bootleggers, Slovaks, Blitz, Wildcats are expansion teams). As for the new champion – The Commissioner – is living it up, talking trash in cyber space, updating the BDFL website from his now-championship war room, and planning a Grand Daddy vict’ry tour that he says will rival – if not surpass – what the Benton Bullets pulled off for most of 2009.

Bullets Bounce Back – Hand Cheetahs an AW:

Speaking of the Benton Bullets, they closed out the 2009 season in fine fashion, with an A.W. against the Riverchase Cheetahs. The vict’ry earned the Bullets, the “Top Dog” of the week award, and sends them into the off-season as one of the ‘teams to beat’ in 2010. The Bullets, who proudly displayed the Grand Daddy trophy and inaugural Grand Daddy vict’ry tour, will now hand over the hardware at the annual Super Bowl Gala in February in what will become tradition in the BDFL. “The Trophy is bigger than the league,” said Bullet. “We will gladly pass it on – as they do the Stanley Cup – for there is but ONE Helmet O’ Silver, and it belongs with the BDFL Champions. They can do with it as they see fit (with a few exceptions). I just hope that the Commissioner can do it justice. We will turn it over – like we found it – in pristine condition. I will miss it on the mantle in Benton, but it has been a good ride. Like King Arthur wielding Excalibur, I enjoyed being the first BDFL franchise to hoist the mighty trophy. I hope we’ll have a record turnout at the Super Bowl Gala to witness the Trophy Transition.”

Gamblers Out-Score Mayors in Shoot Out:

The “Dixie Mafia” – which opened the door for the Commissioner with a single-digit performance in Round One of the BDCS, rebounded in the following two rounds with a pair of vict’ries – the 2nd in the $3 Bill Bowl – to finish in 5th place in the BDFL. The last game of the season for the Gulf Coast Gamblers and the Magic City Mayors was a wild ride, with Kenny “Big Head” Breal ultimately ‘outscoring’ the Cronies, 38-32. The Mayors finished with the highest point total in the league, and were singing the praises of the Gray Beard Division when the season was over, even though they lost in Week 17 to the Gamblers from the Red Neck Division, which also sported final weekend vict’ries by the Bullets and Woosiers.

Woo Crew Closes 2009 BDCS by Slamming Sloths:

The Hard Luck Smoke Rise Woosiers finally got a win in the BDCS when they didn’t have to play another team from the Rugged Red Neck Division in the final round. Division rivals (Bullets and Gamblers) beat the Woo Crew in Weeks 15 and 16, but the Hayden Haymakers closed out the season with a profound vict’ry over the Sloth Monsters in the (fitting) Old Proverbial Bowl. Mukes, who was the 3rd overall seed in the BDCS, goes into the off-season with more questions than answers after losing his last three games.

Big Mullet Wrapper:

-The “King of the Mullet Series,” Jon Wood, was denied another Mullet Series championship by the Jugtown Juggernauts, who closed the season with a trio of wins. Now, let’s see if the Wood Brothers make good on their promise of developing a Mullet Trophy. It was close in Week 17, but A.E.’s Rice Rockets had just enough fuel (Uncle Ben’s or Rice-A-Roni) to take the checkered flag in a photo finish against the Big Block Dodge.

-Elsewhere in the Mullet… the Brookside Dogs defeated the Helena Fighting Slovaks in a Five Mile Creek heritage showdown.

-The Pasco County Wizards squeezed a vict’ry in against the Druid City Blitz amid his many ‘personal appearances’ at the Auburn-Northwestern Outback Bowl at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa.

-And, in the Toilet Bowl… see below.

Former Roomies Set to Battle in the Toilet Bowl:

The two teams that had high-enough point totals to qualify for the BDCS, not only opened the door for the Commissioner to enter the BDCS, but they faltered so bad down the stretch that they had to play each other in the 2009 “Toilet Bowl.” The Fairfield PowerSleds and the Rocky Ridge Wildcats should have made the Big Dance, but were denied because they had losing records (see the Bullet Rule). And this past Sunday, the former Alabama roommates, Mad Jack and Jolly Jerry squared off at an undisclosed location in Fairfield (where they both went to high school, in another time – in practically another place). It was a classic match-up. And, when the smoke cleared near the shadow of the smoke stacks from US Steel, the Mean Machine was still standing, and (like Frank Burns) the Mildcats were slouched with a ceramic horseshoe around their neck as the losers of the “Toilet Bowl” and thereby the distinction of “Toilet Seat Team of the Year.”

The Grand Daddy Photo of the Week I:

The “Trophy of Trophies” prepares to board an outbound train in Benton, headed north to another BDFL franchise and new champion, and bid farewell (for now) to its first home. The official ceremony – the passing of The Grand Daddy – will take place at the annual BDFL Super Bowl Gala in February.

The Grand Daddy Photo of the Week II:

The Helmet O’ Silver is headed north to walk Hand-in-Hand with Nashville’s ‘other’ pro franchises, the Tennessee Titans (NFL) and the Nashville Predators (NHL), who – like the pre-2009 Grenades/Grenadiers – have yet to hoist the Lombardi Trophy or the Stanley Cup in their hist’ry.

The Grand Daddy Photo of the Week III:

In this archive photo, The Grand Daddy goes grudgingly from the Commissioner to Bullet at last year’s Super Bowl Gala. Ironically, (and irony is so ironic) it will go from Bullet to the Commissioner this year.

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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