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 TheBDFL.com          WIZARDZ WINNERZ                       2007

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The BDFL's Weekly Pigskin Prognostications

From The Wizard

Week #8

Fighting Slovaks vs. Grenades

Despite leading the always competitive Graybeard Division, Chris Hand and the “Sack Draggin’ Dribblers” are still one of three teams in their division that would fall prey to the dreaded “Bullet Rule” if the play offs were to start this weekend. Fortunately for Chris, that is not the case plus he gets a chance to even his record while hanging a loss on Cousin Adam Slovensky and the “Suckin’ Flovaks” who, interestingly enough, are in 3rd place in the Greenhorn Division yet would qualify for the play offs since both teams ahead of him are sporting losing records. What a tangled web the BDFL weaves, what a tangled web indeed. Nevertheless, by the end of the day one of these two will leave Brother Ryan Field in a better position to punch their ticket to the Big Dance, and the Great Wizardo says that at crunch time the Grenades won’t be able to squeeze a drop leaving them one game farther under water.

Wizard’s Winner…the Fighting Slovaks.

Bullets vs. Power Sleds

Last weekend down at the Little Brown Jug Bullet and the rest of his “Fat Fellas with the Hair Colored Yella’” tried cutting a rug (Wizard’s Note: Doing the Shag no doubt.), but found that even three steps, which incidentally matched their untainted point total in Week 7, was hardly nearly enough to keep them from looking down the barrel of the Gambler’s .44 by game’s end. While the “Fairfield Follies” are hardly the Gamblers, the Bullets are a team that everyone is circling on their list for homecoming, and that includes Jack Barnes and his Power Sleds, too. A blazing start aided by some large points coming from uncommon places plus a big helpin’ heapin’ of home cookin’ hospitality from the BDFL Commish had the Bullets riding high, but, and as only the Great Wizardo predicted, time quickly extinguished any chances the Bullets had of winning an untainted title and ending the “curse-that-shall-remain-nameless.” Expect Jack and Jill to be wearing their broken crowns when they are named king and queen at the homecoming dance Sunday evening.

Wizard’s Winner…the PowerSleds.

Cheetahs vs. Wooden Warriors

The numerous babes from the Niagara Falls area not withstanding, Jaimie Hand and the “Splintered Spear Chuckers” have had trouble scoring enough this season to even put themselves in a position to execute yet another dramatic fall from grace. Although this will disappoint those of us who mark it on our calendars and typically take the day off to watch the carnage in person, it will allow the Wooden Warriors to beat the Christmas rush. Meanwhile, Butch Neal and the “Sin Wagon” are only a single point out of 1st place in the Graybeard Division, but still hold the winning ticket to the play offs by virtue of being the only team in their much hyped division to be Big Daddy Bowl-eligible at press time. Regardless, when the Warriors come out and play, they will feel much like their counterparts in the self-titled “Warriors” movie did on their journey home when the gangs of New York were mistakenly stalking them for killing Cyrus the Kingpin. The only difference is Jaimie and the Warriors won’t make it back home to their equivalent of Coney Island by the time the movie credits roll.

Wizard’s Winner…the Cheetahs.

Wizards vs. Blitz

Jerry Fritz and the “German Vermin” had found life as a rookie in the BDFL to be rather pleasant in the early stages of the season, but with the second half regular season set to begin this weekend the Blitz have found the sledding to be much tougher in recent weeks. Their fall from grace has been accentuated by the sizzling Wildcats and Juggernauts relegating the Blitz to a now distant 3rd in the Yellowhammer Division race. Nevertheless, hope is on the way for the Blitz and thy name is Merlin. Sunday afternoon the bumbling “Magical Morons” arrival an should provide the perfect setting for the hosts to pad their stats considerably in an effort to draw closer to the front of their division. Fortunately for Jerry, the Wizards will likely be more than willing to comply giving the Blitz smooth sailing, at least for the next week.

Wizard’s Winner…the Blitz.

Gamblers vs. Juggernauts

In what is easily the marquee match-up of Week 8, Kenny Breal and the “Lake Ponchartrain Poker Yokels” battle Allyson Edwards and the increasingly dangerous “Jug Town Jarheads.” The Juggernauts shattered the BDFL points record two weeks ago and will be in a position on Sunday to roll that starting line-up out for the first time since. While the Juggernaut outburst simultaneously disrupted the time-space continuum, moved the Apocalypse forward considerably, and saw at least one unconfirmed sighting of a pig flying in Dolomite, the Nauts came back to earth with a jarring crash last week despite a respectable score. However, with LDT and Peterson back in the line-up again, the BDFL High Command has already engraved an “A.W.” for the Gamblers to put in their trophy case, and the Wizardo says the closest the Gamblers will come to a royal flush this weekend will be the dump they leave swirling around the commode prior to game time.

Wizard’s Winner…the Juggernauts.

Mayors vs. Bootleggers

Although Jon Wood and his “Purdy-mouthed Pig Squealers” did the George Jefferson strut in moving on up from Bristol, TN to Canton, OH, the Great Wizardo always likes to say, “you can take the boy out of Bristol, but ya’ can’t take the Bristol out of the boy.” Although this line flows much better when you substitute “Fultondale” for “Bristol”, it still carries more than its share of significance when discussing the fortunes of the Bootleggers. The Bootleggers were enticed to Canton by local officials trying desperately to bring home a major title to replace the one denied to the hometown favorite Canton Maroons despite defeating the Chicago Cardinals in the NFL championship game back in the league’s infancy. Whether or not the Bootleggers can hold up their end of the bargain is still in question, but currently they are in 2^nd place in the Red Neck Division and are only a scant 8 points from 1^st. The Bootleggers hope to continue moving towards the top of the standings this weekend when they welcome Alan Arrington and the “Magic City Mafiosos”, who know a few things about twisting arms in government cloak rooms. This in addition to using guys with vowels at the end of their names to break legs, fit customers with cement shoes, and giving competitors all expense paid dirt naps, all of which bode well for the Mayors.

Wizard’s Winner…the Mayors.

Woosiers vs. Wildcats

Jerry James may have not rocketed out of the blocks in the early going of the BDFL schedule, but there is little question that he and the “High Flyin’ Mountain Lions” are in high gear at midseason. Not only does their point total lead the Yellowhammer Division, it also puts them atop the BDFL pecking order. Set to challenge the Wildcats is Tommy Todd and the “Lobotomy & Some Tights Lizard Kings” who have been struggling so far this season, but vow their team is built for the last half of the season and the play offs, something he also claimed last season and later made good on the promise. However, the Great Wizardo is not quite as sure as Tommy that this year’s version of the Woosiers is good enough to secure a 2nd BDFL crown while the Cats appear primed to finally capture their 1st BDFL title. Jerry rode his “Just Say No” campaign to a division title two years ago, and believes it’s good enough to deliver another one this year, and possibly even a Big Daddy Bowl vict’ry for good measure. The Glorious Wizardo concurs.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wildcats.

Sloth Monsters vs. Dogs

In battling from behind to nip the Wizards with a late touchdown pass to Dallas Clark on Monday Night Football, Mike Dismukes and the “Lake Cyrus Sloshed Monsters” showed the championship mettle in Week 7 that propelled them to an untainted BDFL title a few short years ago. With the BDFL season officially heading into the second half of the regular season, the Sloths are perched atop their divisional standings. However, all is not well in Lake Cyrus because a losing record has Mukes in a precarious position making his come from behind win last week all the more important. With the “Coalburg Canines” next on the schedule, Mukes has to be feeling very confident of the Sloths bringing their mark to the .500 level. While the Dogs have been all bark and no bite this season, a victory last week served notice that they are a still a team to reckoned with the last half of the year. Conventional wisdom says to go with the Sloth Monsters, but the Great Wizardo did not become the perennial prognosticating extraordinaire he is by being conventional and says that the last time Mukes played at Five Mile Crick Ballpark, his team got bounced in a two-and-cue softball tournament, and even worse that fateful day Commish Chris fielded a chopper at 3rd base, did the ol’ proverbial double bunny hop, and fired a laser to Mukes at 1^st base from about the pitcher’s mound that a severely hung over Mukes never reacted to until it broke his collarbone and hit the ground.

Wizard’s Winner…the Dogs.

Wizard's Quote

of the Week

"However, with LDT and Peterson back in the line-up again, the BDFL High Command has already engraved an “A.W.” for the Gamblers to put in their trophy case, and the Wizardo says the closest the Gamblers will come to a royal flush this weekend will be the dump they leave swirling around the commode prior to game time"

2007 Wisdom

2006 Wisdom

Past Wisdom

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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