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 TheBDFL.com          WIZARDZ WINNERZ                       2008

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From the crystal ball

The BDFL's Weekly Pigskin Prognostications

From The Wizard

Week 2

As a Wizardz Winnerz bonus (not to be confused with the “Charles Patterson Extra Round”), the Wizardo is allowing the rest of the BDFL minions to submit their own clever nicknames for the Wizard to use in his Week 7 brilliant, controversial, witty, and always informative prognostications. These types of things should only be attempted by a trained professional such as the Wizard. Nevertheless, in his graciousness he is willing to allow this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. You can thank him for his show of magnanimity later.

Wizards vs. Mayors

Ronny Van Zant (pausing for moment in remembrance of the former Lynrd Skynrd lead singer…okay, back to the brilliant prognostications) once sang “in Birmingham they love the Govna’…”, but apparently left little to no love for the Mayors. Something Alan Arrington and the “Spin Doctors” may want to take to heart after the schedule makers cut them slack in Week One after a largely abysmal performance. Nevertheless, the Mayors are certainly much better on paper than they showed last Sunday and figure to have some of the opening day jitters under control going into their battle on Sunday with “Curse Hurlin’ Merlin” and the “Magical Mystery Tour.” The Wizards came from behind late on Monday night to edge the Gamblers, and hope to tack on another dubya’ at Alan’s expense, albeit it with a little more room to spare. The Wizards won’t get their wish for a rout, but they will manage to find just enough of the love the Mayors are missing to chalk up another win.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wizards.

Woosiers vs. Gamblers

Some people call them the space cowboys; some call them the gangsters of love; some people even call them Maurice although the Wizard is not sure where the latter name fits into the whole equation. Nonetheless the “West Blount Smokers, Tokers, ‘n Midnight Jokers” head south to the Bayou to battle Kenny Breal and the “Wagin’ Cajuns” in what promises to be a key early season showdown. Both are former legitimate, untainted BDFL title holders and sport potent enough line-ups that could propel either into serious contention again. In the early going the Woosiers have had some shady dealings with the BDFL Commish that fail to pass the sniff test as evidenced by their bizarre, though accurate, substitution of Kurt Warner for Tom Brady in Week One. The Wizardo says to pull a move like this one, Tommy would have to be either related to the Amazing Kreskin or admit there is some “chicanery” going on in the BDFL. The Wizardo is betting on the latter, but says the Gamblers should still have enough aces up their sleeve to offset any “Tommy-foolery” come game time.

Wizard’s Winner…the Gamblers.

Sloth Monsters vs. Juggernauts

Although internet photos seem to indicate otherwise, Mike Dismukes and his “Groovy Ghoulies” failed to find their groove last weekend leading rumors to run rampant that Mukes was sober as a judge on draft night, something heatedly disputed although it would explain the Sloth’s tepid first week. Nevertheless, the Wizard is here to pronounce those rumors that Mukes was drinking “Florida beer” to stay sober are completely unfounded and that the 2008 Sloth Monsters will accentuate that after making their presence known as early as this weekend. Their opponents, the “Jug Town Jarheads” didn’t fare much better after getting soundly boxed about the ears by the PowerSleds on their opening day. In the end, both teams look good on paper and are evenly matched requiring the in-depth “prognosticatiorial” expertise you only get from the Great Wizardo, which leads him to say ELVO’s giving too many points to Mukes in such a hotly contested match-up.

Wizard’s Winner…the Sloth Monsters.

Wooden Warriors vs. Grenades      

Chris Hand claims to have “rubbed Jaimie’s nose in doo-doo and made him like it” when they were growing up, which may explain why the “Sewer Slickers” got into the doo doo pumping business in the first place. In turn, Jaimie took out his frustration by pounding sand up Bullet’s backside as a way to amuse himself during the long, hot Fieldstown summers. With that being said, Week One saw the Wooden Warriors become a tough luck loser while the schedule maker (in the employ of the Commish no doubt) smiled warmly on Chris and the Grenades. Needless to say, the “Brentwood Rusty Buckets” won’t be rolling out the welcome mat for kid brother Jaimie this weekend, and the Wizardo says he would be even less inclined to do so if he knew about the payback beating the Warriors will be administering to the Grenades Sunday afternoon.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wooden Warriors.

Dogs vs. Bullets

Trey Pettimore Stadium has once again become a place for BDFL visitors to tread very lightly as evidenced by the “Banjo Pickin’ Hillbillies” trouncing of their opponent on opening day. On the other hand, with enough toilet seats over the last few years to open up a wholesale discount bathroom supply store, Mark Burr and the “Woebegone Woofers” have had very little to wag their tails about in recent years. While the Bullets learned a lot from Charlie during their two tours of Vietnam, the Great Wizardo says they should be able to keep all of those tricks in the house for use later when the Dogs arrive. Also, as a word of advice (at no charge mind you) for the Dogs, if you hear someone on Copperhead Road playing “Dueling Banjos”, ya’ might want to try running a little faster, a word of advice Ned Beatty should have heeded.

Wizard’s Winner…the Bullets.

Blitz vs. Wildcats

Despite a passable point total last week, the only thing Jerry Fritz and the “Drug Peddlin’ Pachyderms” had to show for their troubles was a near AW at the hands of the Bullets. Nevertheless, the Blitz still field a team that is more than capable of making some noise this season and would like nothing better than to begin rattling a few BDFL chains at the expense of Jerry James and his “Finicky Felines”, who themselves delivered a bone jarring defeat to a more than respectable Wooden Warrior team on opening day. While the Wizardo is quite confident in predicting that Jerry’s team will claim vict'ry on Sunday, only his sheer genius and insight allows him to gaze into his crystal balls and foretell that it will be the Rocky Ridge version posting the dubya.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wildcats.

Cheetahs vs. PowerSleds

The Sin Wagon hits the road this weekend when Butch Neal and his “Lovely Tabletop Dancing Lolitas” pile in back for the trip to Fairfield for an early season intra-divisional match-up with the “West Jefferson Jack ‘n Jills” who are riding high after they went up the hill to fetch a dubya’ on opening day only this time they sent their erstwhile competitors tumbling back down the hill instead. Meanwhile, the Cheetahs found their BDFL title defense got off to a rocky start after a highly suspicious 11th hour substitution (see above Woosier prediction) sent the Cheetahs tumbling to defeat. Unfortunately for Butch, while the Cheetahs hope to celebrate a win by drinking champagne and dance all night under electric candlelight, injuries will see their title retention hopes fade like an old pair of blue jeans.

Wizard’s Winner…the PowerSleds.

Bootleggers vs. Fighting Slovaks

After a couple of seasons of resembling a legitimate BDFL franchise, Adam Slovensky and the “Floundering Slovaks” have reverted to their old selves as evidence by the beating they took on opening day. Not only has the earth resumed spinning normally on its axis again, but the stars have also realigned as well since the Slovaks reverted to form signaling that all is back in order in the universe. Unfortunately for the Slovaks, they also had their green card revoked as well and desperately need a vict'ry over Jon Wood and the “Can’t-win-one Bulldogs” if they want to stay in the country legally. The Canton Bulldogs didn’t fare much better after what appeared to be a potent line-up failed to come out of the starting blocks when the green flag waved last Sunday. Phil Collins once embarrassed himself and tarnished his career, though not as much as Bullet’s disputed BDFL title, when he sang “it’s no fun being an illegal alien”, something the Wizard says the Slovaks will learn first hand at the end of the weekend.

Wizard’s Winner…the Bootleggers.

Wizard's Quote

of the Week

"Also, as a word of advice (at no charge mind you) for the Dogs, if you hear someone on Copperhead Road playing “Dueling Banjos”, ya’ might want to try running a little faster, a word of advice Ned Beatty should have heeded"

2008 Wisdom

2007 Wisdom

2006 Wisdom

Past Wisdom

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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