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The BDFL's Weekly Pigskin Prognostications

From The Wizard

2009 Week 13

Mayors vs. Woosiers

The “Smoke Rise Hayseeds” host Alan Arrington’s “Kings of Neon”, the latter of which has had its name in bright lights most of the season, though not all of them for the right reasons. Having piled up convictions almost as high as their lofty point totals, this may be the last “run for the roses” for the Mayors as free men. Meanwhile, the Woosiers, although out of the division title hunt, are squarely in the play off picture and should not be taken lightly by their visitors. Tommy’s gang is typically built for late season runs and the play offs, and this year is no different, especially if Romo can heat up and stays hot the balance of the season. Still, the Mayors are not at the top of the BDFL rank ‘n file for nothing and their aristocratic blood lines will turn their collective noses up at mixing with the “great unwashed” for any longer than necessary. While the Wizard says they will not have to wrestle with the Woosiers for too terribly long, it will require them the Mayors to mix with the masses long enough to need a bath afterwards. They had just better not drop the soap. Just to get in the habit.

Wizard’s Winner…the Mayors.

PowerSleds vs. Wooden Warriors      

Jaimie Hand and the “Black Crick Sisters of the Worthless Miracle” have been either living on prayer, pulling games out of his upper colon, or performing miraculous feats to win games so often this year there is no doubt the Pope would have canonize and have Jaimie sainted now if it were up to him, and this in spite of all the collection plate money Jaimie extorted from St. Elizabeth’s in order to agree to play on their basketball and softball teams over the years. Still, the Warriors may need to break in a new “one trick pony” if they plan buck Jack Barnes and the visiting “Fairfield Mean Machine” on Sunday afternoon because the Sleds have proved too tough to tame for most of the BDFL hierarchy. While sainthood may be in the Wooden Warriors future, Sunday they will more closely resemble a martyr.

Wizard’s Winner…the PowerSleds.

Bootleggers vs. Gamblers

The Great Wizardo says that Jon Wood and the “Canton Country Bumpkins” had very humble beginnings in the Arkansas hinterlands before moving to the big lights of Bristol and then on to their current home. The Wizard also says the rumors that the “Bristol Inbreds” thought the flag pole at the local post office was their family tree have more than a ring of truth to them. However, the one thing the Wizard knows for certain is that Bootleggers are truly horrid  and have got their place in the BDFL cellar the good old fashion way, they earned it. And unfortunately for the Bootleggers, when it rains it pours as they will find out this weekend when they plow right into Kenny Breal’s “Cajun Hurricanes” who have been blowing at Cat 5 capacity in recent weeks and appear to be showing no signs of weakening any time soon. ELVO is smelling a blow out, and he’ll get his wish, but the Wizard says it will be even worse than forecasted.

Wizard’s Winner…the Gamblers.

Blitz vs. Sloth Monsters

The “Bavarian Blitzkrieg” has been rolling through BDFL fodder like Grant through Atlanta of late, and have made plans to stay on a roll when they stop in to pay a visit to Mike Dismukes and “Hoblin’ Goblins” at the local Silver Lakes “choke ‘n puke” for a Sunday afternoon meal. While Mukes and the gang have been known to “whip at sumbitch in” the first place they can find a beer and a burger, the Blitz will hardly be any more discreet upon their arrival. The Blitz have a long way to go and a short time to get there if they expect to make the playoffs while the Sloth Monsters are banged up and hangin’ on to their playoff hopes at the moment. There is no tomorrow for the Blitz so expect their rampage through Silver Lakes to look more akin to a bull in a china shop than anything else when all is said and done.

Wizard’s Winner…the Blitz.

Dogs vs. Juggernauts

Back in his high school days as president of the 1982 senior class at Gardendale High School (a position natural born leader and former Alabama Governor Guy Hunt also held at Holly Pond High School), Dog leader Mark Burr conspired with other senior class officers, an act considered criminal at the time by school officials, to rewrite a heavily redacted and censored edition of the traditional “Senior Day” list of predictions and bequeathed gifts whereby the seniors were able to hurl, all in good fun but without fear of reprisals, insults at the juniors, something that had been a staple of GHS for many years. Afterwards, the act was considered so heinous that “Senior Day” was unceremoniously booted to the curb forever. To this day Mark Burr and the “Coalburg Cujos” consider it his finest hour. And the Wizard says to expect the Dogs, a much better team than many realize, to do something almost as criminal to the Juggernauts when they square off in Talladega on Sunday.

Wizard’s Winner…the Dogs.

Wildcats vs. Fighting Slovaks

With the regular season winding down, Adam Slovensky and the “Helena Bling Bling Bozos” are already packing for the trip to Gulf Shores and the annual mullet toss, something they had not expected to be doing this season after fielding what appeared to be contending team, at least on paper. Nevertheless, the Great Wizardo says the Slovaks have yet to meet a wet dream they couldn’t screw up, and this year has done little to disprove the Wizard’s point. Their opponents will be Jerry James and the “Rocky Top Fe-Lions”, who though in the thick of the playoff hunt, must win out to qualify for the playoffs, a fate shared by the rest of the Yellow Hammer Division save the Nauts who have long since perished beneath the waves. Make no mistake that Jerry will flush the bombers, put the missile silos on high alert, and frantically look for the panic button before arriving Sunday afternoon. Unfortunately, all of his careful preparations will be for naught as the Wildcats will find the Slovaks have more bite than bark, and that the only thing the Cats will “just say no” to is their chance at a much coveted BDFL title.

Wizard’s Winner…the Fighting Slovaks.

Grenadiers vs. Wizards

Chris Hand and his lead booted “Iron Men” staggered out of the gate, and continued staggering like drunken sailors well past the season’s midpoint, before finally righting themselves over the last several weeks to begin seeking their revenge on the rest of the rank ‘n file. Even a hard fought overtime loss last Sunday could do much to dampen the giddiness in NashVega$ this past week. Even though their modest beer point total would normally long since have ruled them out of any champagne dreams, with a .500 record the playoff hopes for the Grenadiers remain alive, if on life support, heading into a Week 13 showdown with one their most hated rivals, the “Tampa Bay Hurlin’ Merlin”. The Wizards nauseating performance for much of the season has had them selling enough Buicks to bail out GM all by their lonesome. After yet another nauseating performance in Week 12, the Wizards are also standing at .500 on the year, still needing but one win, and a heap more points, to slip into the backdoor of the BDFL’s year end gala. The Wizard finds it difficult to believe ELVO would lay 4.5 points on the Wizards unless he was trying to bait ‘n switch the “Wiley One”, but unfortunately for Chris, the Great Wizardo ain’t bitin’.

Wizard’s Winner…the Grenadiers.

Bullets vs. Cheetahs

A chink in the armor of the Bullets may have been revealed last weekend after the “Shag King Confederacy” got cut down to size in short order during a Week 12 beat down. Nevertheless, the Bullets will be eager to prove there aim is as straight as ever when they invade the lion’s sin den to battle Butch Neal and his “Tawdry Tree-top Putty Tats” in a game with serious playoff implications. The Bullets are in, but the Cheetahs need to pile up the points in a big way to re-launch their bid for an unprecedented fourth, untainted BDFL title. The odds may be against Butch, but being in and getting out of sticky places is old hat to this crew. Still, while Bucket says the Cheetahs are the “cod lock of the year” because they plan to “run it up for the bowl scouts”, the Great Wizardo will resist jumping on the bandwagon, as is his wont, and predict it will be the Bullets who reestablish their BDFL dominance at the expense of the Jungle Cats.

Wizard’s Winner…the Bullets.

 BDFL Scorecard

Wizard 48	ELVO 48

Latest Lines

2009 Week 13

BUL @ CHE (P)

PS (-1.5) @ WW

WOO @ MAY (-2.5)

GRE @ WIZ (-3.5)

WIL (-3.5) @ FS

BLZ @ SM (-4.5)

JUG @ DOG (-5.5)

BOO @ GAM (-8.5)

ALL TEAMS PLAYING

Prognosticator

of the Year

This is the highest award for fantasy football prognosticating. It is affectionally known as the POTY among fantasy football prognosticators and fantasy football handicappers. It is awarded annually to the best fantasy football prognosticator in the world. The POTY!

The POTY was captured by the Evil Las Vegas Oddsmakers (ELVO) in 2008 with a 69-67 game vict'ry margin over the Wizard

Wizard's Quote

of the Week

"Nevertheless, the Great Wizardo says the Slovaks have yet to meet a wet dream they couldn’t screw up, and this year has done little to disprove the Wizard’s point"

Wizard's Quote

of the Week II

"The Wizards nauseating performance for much of the season has had them selling enough Buicks to bail out GM all by their lonesome"

2009 Wisdom

2008 Wisdom

2007 Wisdom

2006 Wisdom

Past Wisdom

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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