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From The Wizard

2009 Week 10

Juggernauts vs. Woosiers

Allyson Edwards and her “Sista’ Souljas” hopped on their rice rocket at the beginning of the season only to see it sputter more often than not until finally fizzling completely recently while Tommy Todd and the “Toke Rise Haymakers” have been throwing wild left hooks all year, but have connected often enough to at least keep their play off hopes alive headed into Week 10. The Great Wizardo doesn’t see high times ahead for the Juggernauts, but does think the Woosiers have enough wacky weed growin’ out back to keep hope alive for at least a few more weeks, especially with a nod to the schedule maker on Sunday. ELVO’s callin’ it heavily in favor of the Woo Crew, but he’s still a couple of points too light in the loafers.

Wizard’s Winner…the Woosiers.

Cheetahs vs. Gamblers

With five BDFL titles among them, Butch Neal and his “Fleet Footed Felines” go on the road to face Kenny Breal and the “Bayou One-armed Bandits” down on the coast where both teams hope to take another step towards claiming yet another championship although the Cheetahs had best pick up the pace, and soon, if they expect to stay with the lead pack. With hurricane season set to expire in the near future, it would seem heading down to the Wooly Swamp would be a safer bet, especially with a Gambler team that’s lookin’ mighty green on paper. However, the Cheetahs have much to fear losing on their jaunt, their collective virginity not being among them, when they arrive on Sunday because the Gamblers have managed to keep pace at the top of the BDFL heap by beating long odds on a consistent basis. Still, the Great Wizardo has told Kenny and the Gamblers to enjoy being on a roll while it lasts, because it never does.

Wizard’s Winner…the Cheetahs.

Bullets vs. Mayors

A pair of BDFL titans square off on Sunday when Bullet and the “Deep South Dixiecrats” take their whistle stop campaign to Birmingham to battle Alan Arrington and the “Magic City Felony Follies” in a feature match up with two front runners for the BDFL title that would normally be played at Fair Park, but will be played on the infield of Folsom State Prison instead since so many of Alan’s political leaders are in jail (Chris McNair), should have been in jail (Richard Arrington), just been convicted (Larry Lankford), or in the process of being indicted (Sheila Smoots). Regardless, while the Bullets will come loaded for bear and plan to be all “liquored” up by game time, the Mayors will be in full “Mean Machine” mode with every intent of sending their political rivals tumbling in the polls. However, this apparent toss-up has one team, that being the Bullets, with too many eggs in one basket, something they will realize when they do the humpty dumpty on Sunday evening.

Wizard’s Winner…the Mayors.

Fighting Slovaks vs. Wizards

After taking it on the chin three weeks in a row, the “Pansy Pirates” limped back to the Gator Country where the wine and the women are free. While those two bargains are not necessarily anything to sneeze at, buying a desperately needed win has seemed well beyond their financial means if the last month is any indication. Still, any time Adam Slovensky and the “Helena Illegal Aliens” come to town, they are often able to right anything that is wrong with their opposition, a prospect the Wizards sorely need to take advantage of if they hope to revive their badly lagging play off hopes. Unfortunately for the Wizards, the Slovaks are showing serious sign of life and are quietly positioning themselves for a late season run, or at least a new green card, and plan to use the home town team as another stepping stone to further their cause. Even more, once the smoke clears, it will be the Wizards licking their wounds and bailing water as the rats scurry overboard on another loss and, more importantly, a potential lost season.

Wizard’s Winner…the Fighting Slovaks.

Grenadiers vs. Blitz

Chris Hand and the “NashVegas Nadsmen” will take a trip down memory lane this weekend when they travel back to their old stomping grounds in T-town to face Jerry Fritz and the “Thundering Turds” at Bryant-Denney Stadium. While nostalgia will hang thick in the air as Chris visits his old haunts at Harry’s Bar and the apartment complex where the great majority of Gardendale High School grads that went to UA and elsewhere passed through at some point or another. Whether or not Chris will remember the drunken debauchery that its G’dale native inhabitants visited on those apartments, including a sofa that burst into spontaneous combustion and other acts that cannot be printed in this family-friendly column, is anybody’s guess although the Great Wizardo strongly suspects some of those days will come back to the Grenadiers along with an accompanying smile. Fortunately for the Grenadiers, the outcome of the contest on Sunday will give them a reason to smile as well.

Wizard’s Winner…the Grenadiers.

Dogs vs. Power Sleds

With a number one ranking to protect, Jack Barnes and his “Gear Grindin’ Mean Machine” have roared down the quarter mile track with ear splitting noise and record breaking speed through most of the regular season, but they can hardly afford to ease off the accelerator when a resurgent Mark Burr and the “Rubber Bangin’ Tirebiters” arrive on Sunday evening. While not at the top of the BDFL rank ‘n file, the Dogs still stand astride of their division, but with a margin for error that is still slim. Nevertheless, if the Dogs ever get their ground game untracked, and they have the studs to do it, the Dogs could take a big bite outta’ crime, and the rest of the BDFL as well, on their way from the outhouse to the penthouse. Still, coming into Fairfield and knocking off the Sleds in the Dolodome is much easier said than done, but with their most famous, favored son, Lowry Lankford, headed to the pokey, the distracted Sleds may be ripe to be plucked.

Wizard’s Winner…the Dogs.

Wooden Warriors vs. Bootleggers

With a seemingly weak line-up every Sunday, Jaimie Hand and the “Black Crick Candy @$$e$” still seem to find the sweet spot when it matters most on their way to posting seven wins in nine games, and within points of the Green Horn Division lead as of press time. Obviously, Jaimie has been livin’ right, meaning he must have finally given up doin’ drugs, listenin’ to Mick Jagger music, and bad mouthin’ his country because good fortune and timely scoring from unexpected places have pulled the fat out of the fire for the Wooden Warriors week after week. Nevertheless, the Great Wizardo still can’t shake the feeling that the Warriors are more “one trick pony” than anything else, rely too much on one player to keep snatching a rabbit out of the hat each week, and may find when they reaches into their bag of tricks again on Sunday, they could pull it out with little more than a smile on their faces.  Fortunately for Jaimie, he can leave the bag of tricks at home because the “Canton Legal Beagles” are all bark and no bite.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wooden Warriors.

Wildcats vs. Sloth Monsters

While Mike Dismukes and the “Penal Code Packin’ Tree Hangers” can’t point to any one particular player as the catalyst for their success in 2009, it is safe to say the Sloths have enough players doing enough things well to have them perched atop the Green Horn with their eyes firmly on the prize. Meanwhile, Jerry James and his “Caterwauling Kitties” have had trouble staying in tune on a consistent basis, and have been ducking tomato cans more often than celebrating victories.  Still, the Wildcats’ “Big Dance” hopes are anything but dashed with five to play before the end of the regular season. However, time is beginning to run short and if the Wildcats expect to keep from getting turned back into a pumpkin at the stroke of midnight, Jerry and the gang had best get their vocal cords in tune and start belting out some showstoppers before the fat lady waddles out and ends their season for good. Fortunately for the Wildcats, they don’t have to be in  perfect three part harmony to duck inside the 3.5 point spread laid out by ELVO.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wildcats.

 BDFL Scorecard

Wizard 37	ELVO 35

Latest Lines

2009 Week 10

BUL @ MAY (P)

FS @ WIZ (-1.5)

DOG @ PS (-2.5)

CHE @ GAM (-2.5)

WIL @ SM (-3.5)

JUG @ WOO (-4.5)

GRE @ BLZ (-5.5)

WW (-6.5) @ BOO

OPEN: HOU & NYG

Prognosticator

of the Year

This is the highest award for fantasy football prognosticating. It is affectionally known as the POTY among fantasy football prognosticators and fantasy football handicappers. It is awarded annually to the best fantasy football prognosticator in the world. The POTY!

The POTY was captured by the Evil Las Vegas Oddsmakers (ELVO) in 2008 with a 69-67 game vict'ry margin over the Wizard

Wizard's Quote

of the Week

"...any time Adam Slovensky and the “Helena Illegal Aliens” come to town, they are often able to right anything that is wrong with their opposition..."

2009 Wisdom

2008 Wisdom

2007 Wisdom

2006 Wisdom

Past Wisdom

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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