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 TheBDFL.com          WIZARDZ WINNERZ                       2008

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The BDFL's Weekly Pigskin Prognostications

From The Wizard

 Week 14

Bootleggers vs. Wooden Warriors

While the rest of the BDFL (not the Great Wizardo, of course) was busy shovelin’ dirt on Jaimie Hand and the “$h!t Shuckers” BDFL play off grave, and choking down fried chicken, corn bread, and mashed potatoes at their wake, the Wooden Warriors were busy playing themselves into the title hunt with a 49-31 thumping of the Juggernauts that left Jaimie perched precariously on the BDFL playoff bubble. With one week to play the Warriors hold a slim six point cushion on the Power Sleds for the last ticket to the Big Dance. With the stakes at red line levels down on the Black Crick Reservation, the only expected bowel movements will occur with the aid of Vaseline and 10 penny nails as the “Pucker Factor” takes a firm grip on BDFL “bubble” teams. While the Schedule Maker blessed the Tribe with the “Ohio Hillbillies” in Week 14, it is points that Jaimie needs instead of victories. While the Wizard does not see the Bootleggers putting up much resistance, can Jaimie’s dynamic running back duo carry him yet again? Alas, the Wizard says no leaving the Warriors waiting and anxiously watching the scoreboard, and hoping their victory will not go to waste.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wooden Warriors.

Blitz vs. Wizards

Tensions are running high in Tuscaloosa as the “German Vermin” mount a last ditch stand to hold off other BDFL competitors anxious to drag them down from the 7th of 8 play-off spots. A narrow victory in Week 13 helped solidify the Blitz’s record, but style points will be the order of the day when they arrive in Tampa Bay to play the “Pasco County Pinball Wizards.” The Wizards stumbled, fumbled, and very nearly tumbled to defeat after a miserable week left them for dead only to see Pony Draft selection Tony Slaton drag the Wizards back to their feet with a little Monday night magic. However, while a few card tricks and sleight of hand may be enough to fool the Bootleggers, the Blitz aren’t nearly as likely to fall for the same, tired routine meaning the Wiz had better bring their “A” game to this one.  The Wizards have clearly displayed they are the better team over the course of the season, but the Great Wizardo says they are more likely to “tilt” than get the replay that comes with covering a 7.5 point spread.

Wizard’s Winner…the Blitz.

Wildcats vs. Grenades

This match up is the BDFL’s version of Charles Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities. “It was the best of times (Wildcats), it was the worst of times (Grenades)”is certainly apropos when describing the fate of these two franchises. While the “Rocky Ridge Boulder Holders” are already making plans to pursue their first BDFL title, Chris Hand and the “Iron Men” have slogged through the season in their heavy boots of lead yet have not even come close to filling their victims full of dread in the process. Another miserable showing in Week 13 officially banished the Grenades to the Mullet Series for good as yet another opportunity to be the first Hand/Slovensky family member to bring home an untainted BDFL title has gone by the wayside. Nevertheless and in spite of being a game with absolutely no intrigue except among hopelessly addicted gamblers, the Cats and Grenades will square off at Sisters of the Worthless Miracle Field on the campus of Father Ryan High School Sunday afternoon. On paper the Grenades look strong, but a closer look reveals a team that is well past its prime, never had a prime, or accidentally shot themselves in the leg before a game putting their season on permanent hold. The Wildcats, on the other hand, have a pair of well known but largely unheralded running backs in Michael Turner and Ronnie Brown who have both sparkled at various times in the season. Although sparkling performances will not be necessary for the Cats to prevail, a dull luster at the very least will be a prerequisite to cover the hefty 6.5 point spread.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wildcats.

Mayors vs. Juggernauts

As opposed to the previous prediction, the match up between the “Lincoln Rice Rockets” and the “Magic City/Fairfield Felons” features a smorgasbord of intrigue between a pair of teams fighting desperately to advance to the championship round. As it stands, the Mayors would be the Graybeard Division champions if the season ended today while the Nauts would be the runner-up to the Wildcats in the Yellowhammer yet would have a point total high enough to still advance with a wild card berth. Unfortunately, instead of having just belted out her final note of the evening, the fat lady is just now waddling to the stage to sing meaning that both teams have to sweat out another week before learning their fate. Although in 1st place, the Mayors are only a few points ahead of the Power Sleds with the runner-up in that division on the bubble at best. Meanwhile, the Nauts are the 6th seed as of now, but cannot win their division and the automatic berth that goes with it, so they must rely on a flurry of points to hold off a slew of challengers. Two evenly matched teams means a tight finish, but the Great Wizardo says his crystal ball has revealed that the Juggernauts will not only notch another mark in their belt, but will cover as well.

Wizard’s Winner…the Juggernauts. 

Power Sleds vs. Sloth Monsters

The BDFL Schedule Maker finally gave Mike Dismukes and the “Robbed Zombies” a break last Sunday, but it is far too little and far too late to salvage their season leading Mukes to utter “If it weren’t fer bad luck I’d have no luck at all. Gloom, despair, it’s agony on me.” And it’s hard to argue otherwise because the Sloth Monsters point total by itself would have them in the play offs as the rankings stand heading into the regular season finale. In stark contrast, Jack Barnes and his “Towers of Power” have the necessary number of victories, but are on the outside of the looking glass at the moment. The difference is a big week by the Sleds can propel them into the title chase by either capturing the Graybeard Division title or earning enough points to get them a wild card berth while the Sloths are merely playing out the string. Nevertheless, Mukes does have his successful reality television series together with Albert Reeves detailing the “hijinks” this dynamic duo have gotten into over the years to get him through the “stove top” season, and with any luck Mukes will shoot to superstardom, star in a string of box office hits, make a mega fortune, have several tawdry affairs with Hollywood socialites, enter rehab, and then go on to even more superstar success in “Celebrity Rehab.” In the meantime Mukes will have to settle for beating the Sleds & covering the spread.

Wizard’s Winner…the Sloth Monsters.

Gamblers vs. Dogs

The Great Wizardo often says “The more things change, the more they remain the same”, which would certainly be appropriate in describing yet another miserable season by the “Brookside Burr-d Brains.” However, it is not all for naught at Five Mile Crick Ballpark because after a typical “Two ‘n Cue” day for the Dogs, they can always swing by the Slovensky household just beyond the outfield for some leftover barbecue grub from the 4th. The Wizard’s age old adage, nevertheless, does not fit quite easily when describing the fortunes of Kenny Breal and the “Biloxi Bluesmen” who are suffering through a poor season of their own with only a pair of BDFL trophies sitting on their mantle to remind them of better days. Both teams are already packed and ready to head to the Gulf Coast for the annual mullet toss at Orange Beach so this might not be the last time they meet this season with absolutely nothing on the line. While it will hardly be a ratings bonanza for the networks, it will give Hot Dog Sexton, Darryl Kittle, and Dwight Sloweez one more chance to come out and raise a little Cain on a Sunday afternoon. And the Wizardo says they will have plenty of Cain to raise because the Dogs should have just enough bite to win, or at least cover. Or failing both of those, perhaps at least enough to not humiliate themselves.

Wizard’s Winner…the Dogs.

Bullets vs. Woosiers

A couple of former BDFL champions, which assumes you use the term “former champion” very liberally with regards to the Bullets “tainted” title, who could very well meet again in the championship round, square off in each teams’ final regular season game. The Bullets are well on their way to a resounding Red Neck Division title while the Woosiers have put on one of their patented late season charges to land themselves in an area of relative safety in terms of points and “dubyas.” Not a lot of intrigue here except both teams will want to send the other a message that ya’ better bring ya’ lunch pail when you line up across from them because it will be an all day, back alley brawl. The “Benton Bullsheeters” started the year thinking their aerial attack would pave the way for them, but it has been a much stronger than expected ground game that has carried them to this point in the season. DeAngelo Williams’ four 1 yard TD runs provided the bulk of the Bullets’ point total in Week 13, but therein may lie their weakness if Peyton doesn’t get back closer to his normal level of performance. Meanwhile, Tommy Todd’s “Love Guns” have been pistol whipping the rest of the league in recent weeks while leaving a path of destruction not too dissimilar from his days of committing such heinous acts of debauchery in deflowering the female youth of GHS and UA that they are now illegal in most states. This match up could go either way, but the Great Wizardo says a little too much “home cookin’” by ELVO has led him astray in putting a few too many points on brother Bullet.

Wizard’s Winner…the Woosiers.

Cheetahs vs. Fighting Slovaks

After going underground (mercifully) for an extended stretch while absorbing a series of punishing defeats, Adam Slovensky and the “Helena Hip Hop’n in the Hood” gang resurfaced after finally winning a game, even if it was against the lowly Grenades. In spite of the victory, the Slovaks have still been little more than a boil on the backside of the BDFL in 2008. That being said, they may have finally met their match in terms of ineptitude when they face Butch Neal and his “Spotted Jungle Cats”, who rest on the very bottom of the BDFL in losses and point total, also known as the dubious “double dip” as the Wiz likes to call it. It is hard to imagine this bunch has three BDFL titles sitting at home based on their 2008 performance, or lack thereof. Whether it’s restin’ on their laurels, bad mouthin’ their country, or listening to too much Mick Jagger music, the only thing the Cheetahs have done consistently well in 2008 is lose, and lose big. Expect nothing less this week against the lowly Slovaks who will not only win, but will also cover the enormous 8.5 point spread doled out by ELVO.

Wizard’s Winner…the Fighting Slovaks.

Wizard's Quote

of the Week

"Nevertheless, Mukes does have his successful reality television series together with Albert Reeves detailing the “hijinks” this dynamic duo have gotten into over the years to get him through the “stove top” season, and with any luck Mukes will shoot to superstardom, star in a string of box office hits, make a mega fortune, have several tawdry affairs with Hollywood socialites, enter rehab, and then go on to even more superstar success in “Celebrity Rehab.” In the meantime Mukes will have to settle for beating the Sleds & covering the spread"
 

2008 Wisdom

2007 Wisdom

2006 Wisdom

Past Wisdom

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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