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 TheBDFL.com          WIZARDZ WINNERZ                       2008

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From the crystal ball

The BDFL's Weekly Pigskin Prognostications

From The Wizard

Week 6

LAST WEEK TO PATRONIZE THE WIZARD! HURRY BEFORE HE GETS HIS FEELINGS HURT AND STARTS WRITING DEROGATORY THINGS ABOUT YOUR TEAM! As a Wizardz Winnerz bonus (not to be confused with the “Charles Patterson Extra Round”), the Wizardo is allowing the rest of the BDFL minions to submit their own clever nicknames for the Wizard to use in his Week 7 brilliant, controversial, witty, and always informative prognostications. These types of things should only be attempted by a trained professional such as the Wizard. Nevertheless, in his graciousness he is willing to allow this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. You can thank him for his show of magnanimity later. On to the picks..

Woosiers vs. Wildcats

After spending countless hours in his laboratory, Jerry “Dr. Doom” James was finally able to concoct an offense brilliantly designed to maximize point production from Rocky Ridge running back Ronnie Brown. After demonstrating his scheme for Bill Parcells in South Beach, the Dolphin lord not only instituted the offense in his newly resurgent Miami Dolphins’ offense, the “Big Tuna” was even kind enough to name it after Jerry’s team, the Wildcats. Regardless, the “Wildcat” offense has catapulted the Dolphins back into contention while doing much the same for the “Rickety Ridge Cats” title hopes. Next in line to test the Wildcats are Tommy Todd and the Redneck Division leading Smoke Rise Woosiers. An impressive win last week helped cement the Woosiers lead atop the division, but the Wizardo says the Woosiers are more smoke ‘n mirrors than fire, and that they will be extinguished on Sunday.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wildcats.

Wizards vs. Bullets

The Great Wizardo always says when ya’ hear banjos playin’ ya’ better start running faster, which is why Merlin and the “Lollipop Guild” had best hit the ground at a dead gallop when they arrive at Trey Pettimore Stadium Sunday afternoon. Bullet and the “Runnin’ Rebs” are already motivated to capture their first legitimate BDFL crown, but will have even more reasons to slay the visitors since it was the Wizards who dashed the Bullets hopes of a legitimate BDFL title two years ago in the semi-finals before the Wizards advanced on to win their 2^nd legitimate BDFL title. A chance to kill two birds with one stone is too much of an inviting target for the Bullets to pass up, and even though the Bullets will struggle to win outright, covering a generous spread should be considerably easier, especially since the Wizards’ Munchkin legs won’t carry them very far or very fast.

Wizard’s Winner…the Bullets.

Grenades vs. Cheetahs

A season full of high expectations for these two teams has yielded nothing short of miserable results for both so far. Despite no apparent attempts to load the dice in his favor (other than instituting some “chicanery” to keep the Cheetahs from claiming yet another BDFL title), Chris Hand and the “NashVegas Charades” have basically had their noses rubbed in doo doo this season and than, to add insult to injury, were forced to like it. Four years ago the Grenades’ roster would have made them contenders but age, injuries, and convictions have turned this bunch into pretenders, something the BDFL rank ‘n file doesn’t cotton to very well. On the flip side, the “Riverchase Skeeters” have been little more than a nuisance for the rest of the BDFL and are already half way home to getting pegged by the “Bullet” rule after four early losses. Neither appears to be going anywhere fast, but still have enough bite (despite being a little long in the tooth) to inflict some pain on any unsuspecting prey. Nevertheless, look for the Cheetahs to finally notch that elusive second victory in their stripper’s pole come Sunday evening.

Wizard’s Winner…the Cheetahs.

Wooden Warriors vs. Mayors

Despite what could be considered a fairly disappointing year by the “Fultondale Carvin Marvins”, Jaimie Hand and his Wooden Warriors still have three “dubyas” to their credit after a narrow vict’ry last weekend and have enough points to be considered a serious wild card contender at the very least. Still, the Great Wizardo says Jaimie had better quit spending so much time wooing the babes in the Niagara Falls area or his chances to make some waves in the BDFL will be long gone. Waiting for the Warriors at Fair Park is Alan Arrington and the “Magic City Rainbow Coalition”, who are fresh off a smashing win in Week Five after posting an uber impressive 60 points. Although the Wiz still is far from convinced the Mayors are anything more than rabble, they still have some under-the-radar firepower that may push them to the forefront before the fat lady waddles on stage, which should be enough to allow them to cover.

Wizard’s Winner…the Mayors.

Fighting Slovaks vs. Sloth Monsters

When asked to define the difference between a Polack and a Slovak, A-Slo explained that Polish names end with “ski” while Slovak’s end with “sky” leading the Wizard to opine that the difference between the two is not too dissimilar than between a hamster and a gerbil. Simply put, the Wiz is quite sure one has more white meat than the other. Further, other than being famous for being over run by virtually every country in Europe at one point, a running sausage at Milwaukee Brewer baseball games, Bobby Vinton, and a gallant though suicidal charge by its Polish horse cavalry against the Nazi Panzers, the Poles have had little to hang their hat, and their “kissin’ cousins” the Slovaks have had even less. Nevertheless, being humbled by the BDFL repeatedly has not stopped the Slovaks from bumping their gums at a consistently annoying rate. Perhaps Mike Dismukes and the “Werewolves of Lake Cyrus” can calm the visitors’ pie holes a bit when they meet this weekend.  Unfortunately for Mukes, his defense has been the tonic for whatever ails opposing teams scoring woes, and the Wiz thinks the Lake Cyrus elixir will work wonders for the Slovaks, too. Certainly better than the blue pill Buckett gave Mukes before a softball tournament at Stockham Valve.

Wizard’s Winner…the Fighting Slovaks.

 Dogs vs. Power Sleds

Mark Burr’s “Brookside Bone Buriers” have accidentally dug themselves a hole while burying their leftover dinner table delicacies that they may not be able to climb out of in terms of qualifying for the post season while “Little Jack Horner” Barnes has been sitting in a corner eating his Christmas pie so far this season. So far Jack has been sticking his thumb in the pie and pulling out mostly plums before declaring “What a good boy am I!”, which the Great Wizardo says is much more preferable to sticking his thumb up his arse. Nevertheless, the Dogs are proving having the number 1 draft pick is no guarantee of future BDFL glory and do not figure to give the Power Sleds much of a test this weekend. However, a careful, insightful analysis (as only the Wizard can do) reveals the Dogs should have enough bite and the Power Sleds poor enough aim with their thumbs to at least allow the Dogs to cover.

Wizard’s Winner…the Dogs.

Blitz vs. Bootleggers

Jon Wood has spent most of the year limping along in his big, black Johnson County Sheriff’s Dodge after yet another BDFL beat down although last week the “Misty Mountain Moonshiners” showed the old goat still had a little left under the hood with a rousing performance, and the Bootleggers will need every bit of it if they plan to make it two in a row at the expense of Jerry Fritz and his “Oven Lovin’ Squirmin’ Germans” this weekend. Despite a poor offensive showing in Week Five, the Blitz rock-ribbed defense proved to be the difference and figure to have plenty left over to squelch any chance the Bootleggers may harbor of pulling the upset. ELVO clearly likes the Blitz as evidenced by the spread, but the Wizard likes ‘em even more.

Wizard’s Winner…the Blitz.

Gamblers vs. Juggernauts

Kenny Breal and the “Slow Pitch Sluggers” made it look easy their first two years in the BDFL by taking home a pair of BDFL trophies, but have looked more like the BDFL’s version of a “one hit (two hits in this case) wonder” after falling on mostly hard times in recent years. Unfortunately for Kenny, 2008 has served up much of the same disappointment as the Gamblers fell under the “Bullet” line after losing last weekend despite an impressive 33 point outing. Similarly, the “Stinkin’ Lincoln Rice Burners” haven’t fared any better and appear to be headed towards yet another disappointing season. Don’t expect big ratings from this one star match up, but the Wizard says you can expect the Nauts to strike a blow against “the Man” for her female whatever-the-opposite-of-brethren-is after they take the Gamblers down yet another peg.

Wizard’s Winner…the Juggernauts.

Wizard's Quote

of the Week

"When asked to define the difference between a Polack and a Slovak, A-Slo explained that Polish names end with “ski” while Slovak’s end with “sky” leading the Wizard to opine that the difference between the two is much like that between a hamster and a gerbil meaning that one likely has more white meat than the other"

2008 Wisdom

2007 Wisdom

2006 Wisdom

Past Wisdom

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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