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 TheBDFL.com          WIZARDZ WINNERZ                       2007

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The BDFL's Weekly Pigskin Prognostications

From The Wizard

Week 15

Woosiers vs. Wildcats

The top seeded “Rocky Ridge Thunder Cats” play host to Tommy Todd and the “Grinnin’ Grapplers”, who have had a tough time wiping the “$^*! eating grin off their face after backing into the 8th and final championship series slot. Nevertheless, with the slates wiped clean the Woosiers hope to stun the Wildcats and take one step closer to their second BDFL title. However, if the Woosiers expect to ride the home team hard and put ‘em up wet, something they have turned into an art form over the years, they should expect to find themselves on the business end of a paw full of claws because few things on earth are meaner than a wet cat. ELVO is baiting the Wizard with a generous line, but the Wiz ain’t a bitin’.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wildcats.

Fighting Slovaks vs. Gamblers

Kenny Breal and the “One Armed Bayou Bandits” head into the postseason on a hot streak and will look to keep pouring on the coals when Adam Slovensky and the “Frightening Slovaks” arrive on the Gulf Coast for their quarter final match up. While the Slovaks have certainly become legitimate contenders in the past couple of seasons, the Great Wizardo sees far more sizzle in them than steak, and suspects the Gamblers will be lickin’ their collective chops with visions of sugar plum fairies dancing in their heads. Unfortunately for Adam, the Slovaks will be served as the main course as they watch their dreams of legitimate title for their family lineage vanish yet again.

Wizard’s Winner…the Gamblers.

Cheetahs vs. Grenades

Few rivalries in the BDFL can ever hope to match the intensity of the Cheetahs and the Grenades. When these two tangle you can count on throwing the record books out, a knock-down-drag-out war, and ample quantities of Geritol and Depends being handed out to both teams and their rabid fan base. Toss in the excitement of a potential BDFL champion in this bracket and you can expect Lawrence Welk and Gunsmoke reruns to temporarily take a back seat until the carnage halts. While the Grenades hauled off the Gray Beard Division title this season with an impressive sprint down the home stretch, their road to immortality will veer into oncoming traffic abruptly ending their championship aspirations.

Wizard’s Winner…the Cheetahs.

Wooden Warriors vs. Juggernauts

After fighting off championship elimination by closing out the season with three huge wins, Jaimie Hand and the “Splendid Splinters” officially gained admission to the “BDFL Big Daddy Dance” although the Great Wizardo says Jaimie’s “grand entrance” more closely resembled when James “Mouse” Burkett jumped the turnstiles at the Superdome prior to a UA Sugar Bowl match up and disappeared into the crowd before officials could round him up. In fact, legend has it that of the numerous times Mouse made the trip to Nawlins’ to watch the Tide roll, he never once paid the price for the privilege to go bowlin’ with Bama. While the Wizardo puts great faith in the reliability of that legend, he doesn’t see the Wooden Warriors being nearly so fortunate and that their stay at the Big Dance will be a short lived one indeed.

Wizard’s Winner…the Juggernauts.

Mayors vs. Bootleggers

Alan Arrington and the “Inside-the-Beltway-Gang” have done little to keep their ample, bureaucratic bellies from loppin’ over their bet buckles while asking the overworked, overburdened taxpayers of Birmingham to tighten their belts considerably since sweeping into office in the last election. Unfortunately for the Mayors, their tax & spend philosophy didn’t play well in the rugged BDFL this season sending them down the river to the Big Mullet Series for a date with Jon Wood and the “Cantonese Catatonics” who have been in a deep slumber all season as evidenced by their dead last seeding. The Great Wizardo foretells little that would indicate the Bootleggers will do little more than get drop kicked to the BMS lower bracket, and drop kicked rather rudely at that.

Wizard’s Winner…the Mayors.

Bullets vs. Wizards

In the Wizardo’s innocent and impressionable youth he has previously mentioned the major crush he had on Stevie Nicks of Fleetwood Mac and Deborah Harry of Blondie. A crush so severe that when faced with the thought of which one he would ultimately marry, the Wiz thought it might be better to move to Utah, marry both, and raise emus versus picking just one of them. Unfortunately for the Wizard’s “ol’ lady”, that dream never quite materialized. Further, the young apprentice Wizardo also spent many hours contemplating if lead singer Dale Bozzio of Missing Persons was actually beautiful or covered up by too much make up and dyed hair to really know. Since he was never able to decide (Wizard’s Note: The Wiz was leaning towards adding her to his harem of Nicks and Harry at the time.), she never made his short list of “hot chicks” to marry when, and if, he made the leap to bigamy. There’s no particular point to the story. The Wizardo just thinks his legions of fans need to know.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wizards.

PowerSleds vs. Sloth Monsters

Although the Sleds seem to be moving on up when Lowry Lankford finally abandoned his palatial Fairfield digs for the bright lights of Birmingham, the road to the top ended up being a lonesome highway leading right back to the bottom. Nevertheless, the PowerSleds will try to finish on a high note when they travel to Silver Lakes to take on the “Tri-toed Tree Huggers” in yet another meaningless BMS match up. The Sloth Monsters hung around in the battle for the last Big Dance ticket, but in the found that three fingers was not enough to keep a tight grip on their title aspirations. While an opposable thumb would elevate the Sloths up the animal kingdom ladder several strata, the three phalanges they have should be more than enough to subdue the short circuiting PowerSleds.

Wizard’s Winner…the Sloth Monsters.

Dogs vs. Blitz

Jerry Fritz and the “Gritz Blitz” have more closely resembled some three day old corn beef hash the last half of the season after a strong start to the year went in the ditch. On the other side of the bracket are the deplorable “Coalburg Cujos” who have been so bad they can’t even claim to be “all bark and no bite” after an equally miserable year. Even a Week 14 defeat of the woeful Wizards in a high scoring affair did little to shine up a tarnished season. This game has all the pizzazz of a Laverne & Shirley rerun, but in the end the Blitz will sack the Dogs and send them off to the bottom of the Big Mullet Series where they will enjoy a long winter’s sleep with the fishes.

Wizard’s Winner…the Blitz.

Wizard's Quote

of the Week

"While an opposable thumb would elevate the Sloths up the animal kingdom ladder several strata, the three phalanges they have should be more than enough to subdue the short circuiting PowerSleds"

2007 Wisdom

2006 Wisdom

Past Wisdom

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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