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 TheBDFL.com          WIZARDZ WINNERZ                       2008

Inside

The BDFL

The Column

of Fame

From the crystal ball

The BDFL's Weekly Pigskin Prognostications

From The Wizard

Week 3

As a Wizardz Winnerz bonus (not to be confused with the “Charles Patterson Extra Round”), the Wizardo is allowing the rest of the BDFL minions to submit their own clever nicknames for the Wizard to use in his Week 7 brilliant, controversial, witty, and always informative prognostications. These types of things should only be attempted by a trained professional such as the Wizard. Nevertheless, in his graciousness he is willing to allow this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. You can thank him for his show of magnanimity later.

Grenades vs. Wizards

Rest assured there will be plenty of bad blood shed come Sunday afternoon when Chris Hand and the “Mid South Militia” invade Pasco County to battle the “Dreadnaught Navy” in a match up with plenty of interesting subplots as well. As his alter ego the Evil Las Vegas Oddsmaker, Chris is also waging war against the mighty Merlin for the prestigious POTY (Prognosticator of the Year) title, and, more importantly, the lifetime pass to the Gardendale Family Buffet that goes with it. The Wizards are coming off a heartbreaking loss to the Mayors despite rolling up an impressive 43 points, but have made plans to ambush the invaders at the friendly confines of Raymond James Stadium, home of the Bucs. However, the Grenades have no intention of going quietly into that good night and will have bayonets fixed when the battle commences. Nevertheless, the Great Wizardo always says you “never bring a knife to a gun fight”, and believe the Grenades will learn why as the Wizards’ armada keep them at arm’s length with a steady diet of cannon fire.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wizards.

Wooden Warriors vs. Bullets

Jaimie Hand and the “Hollywood Knights” travel to brother Bullet’s with the intent of taking out both of his older siblings in successive weeks after humbling Chris in Week 2. Given the performance of the “Black Belt Buffoons” last week, it appears the Wooden Warriors should have plenty of scalps to show for their efforts. Nevertheless, the local rabble at Trey Pettimore Stadium will have long since been lit up like a Roman candle by the locally brewed firewater and figure to use every trick they learned from Charlie during their two tours of duty in Vietnam to stop the visitors dead in their tracks. Unfortunately for the Bullets, the Wooden Warriors will likely not even have to remove their cheap sunglasses to dispose of the home team while giving Bullet a chivalry lesson to boot.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wooden Warriors.

Wildcats vs. Sloth Monsters

Jerry James and the “Rocky Ridge Road Kill” learned the hard way that the BDFL can turn a blind eye to its own when the Wildcats were given no relief after failing to adjust their Week Two starting line-up when the Texans vs. Ravens game was postponed until later in the year due to Hurricane Ike. To assume the BDFL Brain Trust would simply adjust his schedule for Jerry made an @$$ out him and the Wildcats last week paving the way to a lopsided defeat. Since no natural disasters appear to be threatening the Wildcat line-up the week, the Great Wizardo says that perhaps the Cats will put up more of a fight on Sunday when they visit Mike Dismukes and the “Tri-Toed Tree Hangers” Sunday afternoon. Both clubs field potent scoring threats, but the Great Wizardo says to never back an angry cat into a corner, something the Sloth Monsters will agree with by Sunday evening.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wildcats.

Woosiers vs. Bootleggers

Jon Wood and the “Canton Ambulance Chasers” got rolled by the competition in Week 2 and may be in need of an ambulance themselves and the name of the Mack truck that plowed through them. Preferrably with the tag number so they can file a law suit. Meanwhile, Tommy Todd and the “Love Guns” shot their load last week with an impressive 41 point outburst that has them headed north brimming with confidence after a quick trip to Prattville to reload. The Bootleggers don’t appear to know whether to scratch their butt, pick their nose, or try both simultaneously, but had better get the right combination before their visitors arrive this weekend. The Woosiers were too lopsided in their scoring effort last and need more balance to be true contenders, but Tommy is used to being a little unbalanced and should be able to wobble his way to vic’try on Sunday without too much trouble.

Wizard’s Winner…the Woosiers.

Dogs vs. Cheetahs

Mark Burr and the “Brookside Tirebiters” got out of the dog house last week to pound the Bullets after an embarrassing opening day defeat, and look to keep the momentum going at the expense of Butch Neal and his “Table Dancin’ Divas” down at the Riverchase Cat House this weekend. Suspected league hierarchy “chicanery” has helped the Cheetahs stagger out of the gates in defense of their BDFL crown although the Wizard suspects a site visit to the Cheetahs namesake in Atlanta a couple of weeks ago when Bama was in town may be the prime culprit. Nevertheless, the Cheetahs will try to get back on a hot win roof with plans to claw the Dogs into submission. However, although both teams have big QB problems, the Great Wizardo says ELVO is giving too much credit to the defendin’ champs and his fellow Gray Beard Division compatriots. ELVO will learn his trust and loyalty were badly misplaced.

Wizard’s Winner…the Dogs.

Fighting Slovaks vs. Juggernauts

Allyson Edwards and her “Bra Burning Rice Rockets” may have been heartened by Hillary’s strong run at the White House and Sara Palin’s meteoric rise within the GOP, but you wouldn’t know it according to the Wizards after the Juggernauts rolled out of the starting gate and promptly went into the ditch the first two weeks of the season. Not to be outdone, Adam Slovensky and the “Green Card Gangsta Rappers’” have managed to stumble out of the blocks even more ineptly than the Nauts. Adding to their troubles, the Slovaks lost starting QB Vince Young with a couple of strained ligaments in his knee and an equally as strained brain leaving the Slovaks (and the Titans according to the Wizard) sitting ducks when they venture to Lincoln where Allyson hopes to salvage a rapidly sinking ship. The Great Wizardo says the Lincoln locals fess up to liking both kinds of music, country & western, but may find Adam’s rap fails to fit comfortably in either genre. Nevertheless, after the Nauts drop kick the visitors back to the hood, the locals will rest easier and Allyson will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. Whether it’s a train or not the Wizard won’t reveal until later so stay tuned to this same Wizard station and this same Wizard time.

Wizard’s Winner…the Juggernauts.

Mayors vs. PowerSleds

King Alan and his “Court Jesters” had plenty to laugh about after exploding for 48 points, and needing every one of them, to pace their Week Two victory over the Wizards, and have every intention of keeping the home fires burning when they make the short trip down I-20 to battle intra-divisional foe Jack Barnes and his “Midnight Train to Memphis.” Adding to the suspense and intrigue is Larry Lankford, who used to be the mayor of Fairfield before hightailing it to the Jefferson County Commission and then on to become the mayor of Birmingham. Jack and the rest of the Fairfield constituency didn’t appreciate Larry Legend dropping them like a bad habit to move on to the bright lights of Birmingham, and plan to exact a measure of revenge come Sunday afternoon. Lankford is scheduled to make an appearance in his old haunt for the coin toss, but the Wizard says Larry will likely skip the festivities in an effort to avoid the avalanche of subpoenas that have been coming his way recently. In the end, the Mayors may find a way to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat, but won’t be able to dodge enough flying subpoenas to cover the spread.

Wizard’s Winner…the PowerSleds.

Gamblers vs. Blitz

Kenny Breal and his “Mississippi Mudpackin’ Travelin’ All Stars” will load up their Greyhound bus and roll up Highway 41 to Tuscaloosa to play a one-and-done showdown against Jerry Fritz and the “Drug Peddlin’ Pachyderms” Sunday afternoon. The Gamblers barnstorming tour has received mixed reviews so far after a West Blount beat down in Week Two. Nevertheless, Kenny’s “Boys of Summer” figure to get back on track this weekend, but had best keep their Tahiti blue dots in the microwave a bit longer than last week if they hope to avoid another ten run mercy rule and the “A.W.” that goes with it. Fortunately for Jerry, his “Gritz Blitz” should find more than enough holes in the Gambler protection to keep Kenny on his backside long enough to send the Gamblers down to defeat again.

Wizard’s Winner…the Blitz.

Wizard's Quote

of the Week

"Nevertheless, the local rabble at Trey Pettimore Stadium will have long since been lit up like a Roman candle by the locally brewed firewater and figure to use every trick they learned from Charlie during their two tours of duty in Vietnam to stop the visitors dead in their tracks"

Wizard's Quote

of the Week II

"The Bootleggers don’t appear to know whether to scratch their butt, pick their nose, or try both simultaneously, but had better get the right combination before their visitors arrive this weekend"

2008 Wisdom

2007 Wisdom

2006 Wisdom

Past Wisdom

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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