Wizards vs. Woosiers

After dispatching the last of the Hand-Slovensky clan post haste down on the farm in Lowndes County, Merlin and the "Dragon Wagon" advance to the Big Daddy Bowl as the BDFL's most unlikely contender for the title. Standing in his way is Tommy Todd and the “PsyWoos" who were left for dead at midseason before a remarkable run, and one that was predicted by the Head Woo himself, brought them from pretenders to contenders after slaying the mighty Power Sleds and administering an "A.W." in the process. Both teams will be hunting their second title in Fieldstown Sunday afternoon and the Great Wizardo says not expect any prisoners to be given proper quarter once the cannons start thundering. The "Sunshine State Soothsayers" have been on a mini roll the past couple of weeks and are fresh out of Hands and Slovenskys to beat up on, but will, nevertheless, find a way to send the Woosiers tumbling from their lofty perch as the prohibitive favorite and notch another untainted BDFL title in their crystal balls.

Wizard's Winner...the Wizards.

 

Bullets vs. Power Sleds

Despite carrying the weight of the family hopes for an untainted BDFL title on his shoulders, and doing so quite well for the greater part of the year, the clock finally struck midnight for the "Black Belt Bureaucrats" at Trey Pettimore Stadium in Benton last weekend as their championship dreams turned back into pumpkins with nary a glass slipper in sight. After struggling to generate any points in the semi-finals, Bullet will head to Prattville to regroup and hopefully find some of the offensive firepower that had sustained him most of the season before making the trip Fairfield to tackle the "Soul Train Sleigh Riders" whose title hopes were also shattered last Sunday. Both teams were heavy favorites to square off in the championship game before learning the hard way it would require more than just rolling their helmets out to midfield to advance in the rough and tumble world of the BDFL. Most prognosticators, ELVO among them, predicted these two would square off, but not for third place as is the case. The Bullets will lock and load prior to game time and Washington Redskin running back little Dicky Betts is sure to be wailing away on his red guitar, but it won’t be enough to push the Bullets over the top.

Wizard’s Winner…the Power Sleds.

 

Bootleggers vs. Gamblers

New Year’s Eve on Bourbon Street usually means plenty of high times at night and even bigger headaches the following morning, but for Jon Wood and his “Hooch Haulin’ Hillbillies” it will be all business, at least until the final gun sounds to end the game and the season at which point the Bootleggers will likely descend into acts of debauchery that, as of press time, are illegal in at least 39 states. Waiting on the Bootleggers will be Kenny Breal and his “Baton Rouge River Raftin’ Rogues” and the Great Wizardo says the visitors may have the red carpet rolled out for them upon their arrival, but should not be surprised if the home team pulls the rug out from underneath them at some point during the long holiday weekend. The Woods Brothers’ big, black Dodge has been dialed in just enough on the set-up to position them for a nice finish despite lacking the extra horsepower needed to make a run at the title. Unfortunately for Jon, they will find out on Sunday that there aren’t enough horses under the hood to carry them across the stripe first.

Wizard’s Winner…the Gamblers.

 

Sloth Monsters vs. Fighting Slovaks

In the quarter finals the Fighting Slovaks claimed they should have beaten the Wizards, in round two they claimed they would have beaten the Wizards and the Bullets and, therefore, should rightfully be in the Big Daddy Bowl this weekend. Of course as the Great Wizardo notes, it is just this type of philosophy that got the “SlugVaks” tossed out of every decent banana-republic country in Europe, even France. Nevertheless, the Slovaks have gone quite a ways in undoing many of the wrongs of their ancestors and are poised to end 2007 with a Green Horn Division title and a fifth place finish in the BDFL. Meanwhile, Mike Dismukes and the “Silver Surfin’ Sloths” managed to strike just enough gold last Sunday to salve some of the wounds left over from their near miss against the PowerSleds in round one of the BDCS, and have made plans to continue the healin’ process when the Sloth Monsters go across the street to battle the Slovaks in a Helena block party special Sunday afternoon. Unfortunately for Mukes, the Helena Welcome Wagon didn’t include the keys to the city nor will they be nearly as hospitable when the senior citizens of Helena clock the newcomers.

Wizard’s Winner…the Fighting Slovaks.

 

Dogs vs. Wooden Warriors

Jaimie Hand and the “Streakin’ Mohicans” were on fire before getting doused in the first round of the BMS but rebounded with a victory last weekend to try and end the season on a good note. On the other side of the tracks Mark Burr and the “Motley Mongrels” finally snapped their eight game slide and look to end the season with another victory to brighten the off season gloom. “Chief Chuck ‘em Long” put up some flashy numbers in 2006 but the dismal record of the Wooden Warriors has made Jaimie more closely resemble “Chief Upchuck” instead. However, it’s never a picnic when you go to the Black Crick Reservation in Fultondale and the Dogs had best expect the crowds to be in a frenzy when they arrive, especially when Jaimie busts through the sign first (Wizard’s Note: Jaimie will have to beat David Mann and Hugh Bell to have the honor, but the Great Wizardo is confident he will.) waving his orange and blue FHS junior varsity girl’s volleyball towel ala M.L. Carr.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wooden Warriors.

 

Blades vs. Mayors

Although it will not make for a happy homecoming at the Arrington’s New Year’s Eve party in the conference hall at Birmingham City Hall, Alan Arrington and the “Pork Pushers” end their season at Lawson Field against little brother Lyle and the “Hemp Haulers” this weekend in what is sure to be another bloody reunion in yet another installment of their bitter sibling civil war. Other than bragging rights during the off season, there is very little on the line when they square off against each other although with Birmingham Mayor Bernard Kincaid (complete with his big trucker’s hat with “Mayor” inscribed across the front) flipping the coin there is sure to be more than a little intrigue to yet be played out. However, other than the marching bands from Wenonah and Carver lighting up the crowd at halftime, load up on caffeine if you expect to make it through this yawner. And that goes for both teams as well.

Wizard’s Winner…the Mayors.

 

Juggernauts vs. Wildcats

The wheels officially came off the Juggernaut Express last weekend as Alyson’s “Fraulein Feminazis” were dismantled for a second consecutive week. Similarly, the James’ Gang’s “Bank Robbin’ Bandits” were no better as each team posted a miserable fourteen points. Both teams are a tale of two cities where at one point they were the toast of the town before a precipitous fall left both for dead on the mean streets of the BDFL where you’re either quick or you’re dead, but not both. Also, both teams led their respective divisions at the end of the regular season before being red tagged for the BMS for violating the “Bullet Rule” with their won-loss record. The Great Wizardo says to expect both teams to be flat as a pancake at game time with little chance either will rise to the occasion before concluding their respective seasons. Nevertheless, someone has to win and it will be the Juggernauts who limp across the finish line first.

Wizard’s Winner…the Juggernauts.

 

Grenades vs. Cheetahs

Despite living vicariously through the other members of the BDFL all season, Chris Hand and the “Grenade Charades” have shown they are a team to be reckoned with despite it being too little, too late. Meanwhile, Butch Neal and the “Matress Dancin’ Divas” are set to take the “Sin Wagon” for one more roll in the hay before being put up wet for the winter after failing to defend their 2005 title. A basket full of cloudy-eyed mullet will go to the winner of the BMS bowl game, the BDFL’s version of the NIT, where the victor will hold up a single finger claiming they’re number one (Wizard’s Note: Of course, holding up the single index finger may just be to prove the winner was able to get at least one finger out of his rear end, if not both.) although holding up nine fingers would be more appropriate. Nevertheless, taking home a title of any kind is better than nothing and it may be the closest Chris comes for some time to having anything to put in his BDFL trophy case. In the end, ultimately, the Great Wizardo says that extra does of Geritol the Grenades will chug down prior to kick off will be just enough to guarantee a fish fry at the FloraBama Sunday night.

Wizard’s Winner…the Grenades.