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The BDFL's Weekly Pigskin Prognostications

From The Wizard

2009 Week 6

Dogs vs. Grenadiers

Mark Burr and the “Brookside Woof Backs” travel to the glitz and glamour of NashVegas to take on Chris Hand and the “Brentwood Wolf Backs”, assuming Chris and his cronies can quit rubbin’ elbows with Nashville’s stars and starlets long enough to suit up, in a Week Six match-up where both teams find themselves clinging desperately to playoff hopes that may be dashed before even Halloween rolls around. The Dogs welcome top gun Philip Rivers back after a week off last Sunday, and hope that he will be enough to help propel his motley mutts to vict’ry. While that will certainly add a considerably more bite to Dog’s bark, it’s unlikely the Grenadiers will be overly impressed when the Dogs snarl reveals little more than a few scattered, yellowing teeth, and lot of gum line.

Wizard’s Winner…the Grenadiers.

Bullets vs. Wooden Warriors

When Bullet and his “Fat Fellas with the hair colored yellow” take leave of the Little Brown Jug in Benton to battle little brother Jaimie and the “Cringin’ Injuns” under the big top tee pee on the Black Crick Reservation, what most figure will turn into a bloody reunion more often than not degenerates into titty bumpin, rooster fighting battle where nobody wins, nobody loses, and the alumni don’t write letters. Nevertheless, the 2009 Bullets are coming off a BDFL championship in 2008, the first in franchise history, (Wizard’s Note: The BDFL and the Wizard only recognize untainted titles.) while Jaimie and the Wooden Warriors are trying to scratch out what would amount to playoff run, if only the Warriors would stop walking. Still, it would not be wholly unexpected for these two to get into a tussle reminiscent of some of their horseshoe battles at the Slovensky compound on the 4th of July. In the end, and when push comes to shove, the Bullets relying on too much on Adrian Petersen to bail them out will ultimately be their undoing.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wooden Warriors.

Fighting Slovaks vs. Woosiers

Tommy Todd and the “West Blount Love Guns” have been firin’ a few too many blanks in 2009 to make anyone stand up and take notice, and have also found out their specially formulated Love Potion # 9 is no better than the first eight versions. Meanwhile, after what seemed like a stellar draft, Adam Slovensky and the “Bitin’ SlowVaks” drove out of the BDFL draft room and right into a ditch where, for the most part, they have stayed for the better part of the season. Already half way home to the “Bullet Rule” after a mere five games, pushing the panic button, scrambling the bombers, and going to Def Con 4 would all seem appropriate at this particular time if you’re Adam Slovensky. Nevertheless, the Wizard still sees the Slovaks dealing a few teams fit before being deported at season’s end, and figures the Woosiers will be one of them.

Wizard’s Winner…the Fighting Slovaks.

Gamblers vs. Sloth Monsters

Kenny Breal and his “Cajun Coon-@$$e$” will jump on a riverboat queen and paddle their way up the Mighty Mississip’ to meet Mike Dismukes and his “Silver Lakes Steamin’ Demons” in a match up between a pair of teams in 2nd place in their respective divisions while both sport a three win, two loss record. The Wizard always says you can “take the Cajun out of the swamp, but getting’ the coon out of his @$$ is a different story altogether”, a lesson the Sloths would do well to remember when they set up their hospitality tents Sunday afternoon. However, the Sloths are yet another team that has underplayed its talent pool, and is due for a serious market correction, a correction the Great Wizardo says Mukes will finally see pay some dividends come Sunday when the Gamblers are more concerned with inhaling the jambalaya than anything else.

Wizard’s Winner…the Sloth Monsters.

Cheetahs vs. Juggernauts

Allyson Edwards and the “Killer Queens” have roared to life in recent weeks after an inauspicious opening to the season, and have positioned themselves atop the Yellow Hammer Division through five weeks of play. Meanwhile, their opponent, Butch Neal’s “Pole Huggin’ Harlots”, are locked in a tight three way battle for supremacy of the Gray Beard Division and will be looking to keep pace with their fellow divisional counterparts when they are in Lincoln to face the Nauts on Sunday. For the foreseeable future the Nauts will saddle their hopes and dreams of shattering the BDFL’s “glass ceiling” to the Chicago Bears by including da’ Bears in almost half of their starting line up. Fortunately for Allyson, her Juggernauts will find the Cheetahs a little too eager to cut and run, and take their spots with them, when the first shards of glass began to fill the air.

Wizard’s Winner…the Juggernauts.

Mayors vs. Bootleggers

The “War of Northern Aggression” resumes on the dark side of the Mason-Dixon Line this Sunday when Alan Arrington’s “Aristocratic Cronies” take their baggage train to Ohio to face the “Canton Carpetbaggers.” This game is really more of a tale of two cities than anything else as Mayors find themselves in the thick of the playoff hunt while the Bootleggers are finding few takers for their homespun hooch, at least in the BDFL. Still, anyone playing Bootleggers had best be prepared to pack a lunch because owner Jon Wood's inspiring recovering from serious spine surgery during the off season makes them a sleeping dog worth leaving alone. On a similar note, the Wizard complained of a sharp pain in his neck recently similar to that of the Bootlegger leader, but his doc told him it was just due to his ol’ lady and that he needed to suck his guts up and take it. Unfortunately for the Bootleggers, it will take more than that to hold off the Mayors.

Wizard’s Winner…the Mayors.

Blitz vs. Wildcats

A pair of Yellow Hammer Division foes square off in Rocky Ridge Sunday afternoon when Jerry Fritz’s “Chosen Frozen Tuskers” face Jerry James’ “Cats on a Hot Tin Roof.” Both teams are struggling to find their rhythm through the first third of the season, but have the luxury of playing in a division comprised of teams with two left feet. Nevertheless, getting untracked and avoiding the “Bullet Rule” before it’s too late will be the order of the day for both teams when play commences Sunday afternoon. However, the Wizard says the Blitz may be playin’ possum with the rest of the league. Boasting a line-up that can put up points in bunches, the Blitz will finally start to come out of the deep freeze they’ve been in for most of the year, and it will be more than enough to ice the Cats.

Wizard’s Winner…the Blitz.

Wizards vs. Power Sleds

The “Pasco Pirates” have found their flagship taking on water at an alarming rate, enough that even the rats are holding serious discussions about jumping overboard. On the other hand, the “Fairfield Purple Reign” find themselves perched atop the Gray Beard Division, though precariously, and are probably licking their chops at the prospect of playing a suspect Wizard team in front of their home fans at the Dolodome. Still, with their stadium namesake, Birmingham Mayor Lowry Lankford, dodging a barrage of ethics complaints that more closely resembles a hail of gun fire, each bullet with Lankford’s name on it, the Sleds will have to deal with some unrest amongst the locals if they expect to put their Sunday best on display for the visitors. Unfortunately for ELVO, the Sleds should be able to run the Wizards aground  on Ol’ Man Kelsie’s Creek, but the incoming tide should be sufficient to lift Merlin’s navy up and away to safety, even if only enough to cover the spread.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wizards.

 BDFL Scorecard

Wizard 20	ELVO 20

Latest Lines

2009 Week 6

DOG (-3.5) @ GRE

WIZ @ PS (-3.5)

BUL (-3.5) @ WW

GAM (-3.5) @ SM

CHE (-3.5) @ JUG

MAY (-3.5) @ BOO

BLZ (-3.5) @ WIL

FS @ WOO (-6.5)

OPEN: DAL, IND, MIA & SF

Prognosticator

of the Year

This is the highest award for fantasy football prognosticating. It is affectionally known as the POTY among fantasy football prognosticators and fantasy football handicappers. It is awarded annually to the best fantasy football prognosticator in the world. The POTY!

The POTY was captured by the Evil Las Vegas Oddsmakers (ELVO) in 2008 with a 69-67 game vict'ry margin over the Wizard

Wizard's Quote

of the Week

"...what most figure will turn into a bloody reunion more often than not degenerates into titty bumpin, rooster fighting battle where nobody wins, nobody loses, and the alumni don’t write letters..." when help ensure the Blitz is on the fritz.

2009 Wisdom

2008 Wisdom

2007 Wisdom

2006 Wisdom

Past Wisdom

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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