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THE OFFICIAL INTERNET SITE OF THE BIG DADDY FOOTBALL LEAGUE |
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TheBDFL.com THE BULLETIN 2008 |
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Inside The BDFL
The Column of Fame
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The BDFL's Weekly Game Summaries By Bob Bullet
2008 FINAL EDITION
Bullets Dominate From Willie Parker’s 3-TDs on opening day to Bernard Berrian’s 54-yard TD catch in Week 17, the Benton Bullets completely dominated fantasy football action in 2008 in the Big Daddy Football League, by capturing the BDFL Championship. Bullet’s team-of-teams finished with 5-straight victories – including running-the-table in the Big Daddy Championship Series – and finishing with a league-best record of 13-4. This was no 8th or 9th place team (see 2007 and 2006) lucking-up to win the BDCS. The Bullets captured the championship while also becoming the BDFL franchise with the most overall vict’ries in the history of the league. The Boys from Benton were solid all year, with QB-Peyton Manning at the controls, and interchangeable RBs DeAngelo Williams, Ricky Williams, and Parker ‘toting the mail.” At WR, Roddy White was ridiculed on draft night, only to be exonerated with a stellar season, and Antwan Randle El and Berrian were clutch when it counted, especially in the Big Daddy Bowl. Place-kicker Jason Elam was ‘money-in-the-bank’ all season, and the New York Football Giants gave the Bullerino his best defense ever. So, the celebration (that has already gone from Benton, to T-Town, to Bourbon Street) continues for the Bullets. “Ready, Aim, Fire!”
PowerSleds Come Up Just Short Mad Jack’s “Mean Machine” was mean again, but just inches away from a title in 2008. However, the 8th-seeded Fairfield PowerSleds fell just short in the championship game to the aforementioned Bullets. Still, without a real RB for the entire season, the Sled Heads managed to ‘crank up the volume’ in the BDCS, pulling upset after upset until the Big Daddy Bowl. For Mad Jack, he will now strap back on the tube socks and fire red coaching shorts and hit the recruiting trail to attempt another resurgence (from the clouds) in ’09.
Nauts Better Than Ever The Jugtown Juggernauts were a ‘force to be reckoned with’ in 2008. A.E.’s Rice Rockets had it ‘going on’ this season, posting great numbers in both vict’ries and total points. As the only female in the BDFL, the Nauts proved once and for all that they belong in with the boys. In fact, comparing Allyson with some of the boys (Adam Slo, Dog, etc.) is downright insulting. Only a semi-final upset kept A.E. from advancing to the Big Daddy Bowl, but a convincing vict’ry over the Woo Crew gives her a solid 3rd place finish and plenty of hope for the future. [The Nauts remain without a championship in their BDFL history.]
Woosiers Upended at the End Tommy Todd’s Smoke Risers in the Sky had a very good year in 2008. Competing in the always Rugged Red Neck Division, the Woo Crew carried a good record into the post-season, only to see their dreams shattered by a 24-point performance (DeAngelo Williams – Benton Bullets/Carolina Panters on Sunday night) by an opponent in the semi-finals of the BDCS. Then the Smoke Rise Woosiers fell apart (see Bama vs. Utah) with nothing really ‘on-the-line’ in the consolation game vs. the Nauts. Fourth-place isn’t bad, and now Woo can begin rebuilding for next year, just after he gets most of Alabama’s Little Leagues in order.
James Gang Falters in Post-Season As Col. Frank Burns (M*A*S*H) once said, “A perfectly good birthday, shot to hell,” the Rocky Ridge Wildcats could say the same about their season. The James Gang reeled off a staggering point total and good win-loss record in the regular season, but simply ran-out-of-gas or maybe sulfuric acid in the playoffs. The BioCats were victims of their own mad-scientist mindset that spiraled down the test tube down-the-stretch. “A perfectly good season, shot to hell.” [The Wildcats remain without a championship in their BDFL history.]
Wizards Top Point Total but Stumble to 6th The Pasco County Wizards are still scratching their heads and trying to figure out ‘how this happened?’ in 2008. Merlin and his minions finished with the most-points in 2008 (550), but were upset in the first round of the BDCS by the PowerSleds. And, to add insult-to-injury, they lost the Prognosticator of the Year (POTY) award to the Evil Las Vegas Oddsmaker (ELVO). With New Barry’s draft night renderings working all season for the Wizards, their pixie-dust turned brittle and fell off of his magic wand in the playoffs. After a tarnished title two-season ago, that saw Parks not even finish in the Top-8 overall, ‘get lucky’ and win the championship, the league sort of “turned it around and used it against him” this year. So, the Tampa Tarnishers come up short in ’08 and will go back to the witches brew pot, or ‘drawing board’ to try and find out ‘what went wrong.’
Mayors Incarcerated – Relegated to Also Ran When the “Heat” came down on Mayor Lowrey Langford at mid-season, things didn’t look good for the Cronies. The “Man” was ‘keeping him down.’ A.A. managed to rebound, with the big vict’ry of Obama in November it looked as if the Magic City Mayors would be presented a ‘government cheese’ swipe card that would propel them (like their hero) to total and complete vict’ry in the BDFL. Alas, it was not to be. The BDFL may be a lot of things, but it is not an entitlement program. So, with the dome and the Olympics and the ‘laptop-for-every-kid’ ideas on hold, the Mayors can only sit back, hope to stay out of jail, and “wait ‘til next year.”
Woodies Finish Below .500 with Predictable Swoon The Black Creek Wooden Warriors made the big dance in 2008 (thanks mostly to Mukes’ run-in with the ‘schedule maker’), and that’s about all the good that came out of it for the Tribe. By the time the Woodies bowed out of the BDCS with three-straight losses, they had perfected another late-season swoon (see past Big Daddy Bowl gaffs), finished with a losing record (8-9), and lost the most-wins-in-BDFL-hist’ry distinction to Brother Bullet. To add insult-to-injury, well, you can’t really get much worse than the stuff previously mentioned, can we? Well, maybe; you’ve got a sore throat, a urinary tract infection, your dog has the mange, and your car needs an oil change. [The Wooden Warriors remain without a championship in their BDFL history, although their trophy case is full ‘from their other leagues.’]
BOTTOM FEEDERS
Bootleggers Bring Up the Rear The Bootleggers won the Big Mullet Series; that in and of itself is something to build on for next year, although the Bulletin is not sure what that means. I guess it means that they finished strong with 3-straight wins, but sometimes that is just not good enough, especially when you have to butt heads with the Bullets, Woosiers, and Gamblers in the Rugged Red Neck Division. So, North Canton Bootleggers this Bud’s for you. [The Bootleggers remain without a championship in their BDFL history.]
Gamblers Victim of Rugged Red Neck Division The Gulf Coast Gamblers probably would have coasted into the BDCS, if they were in another division. But, as it stands Kenny B. & Company found themselves pulling up the rear of the Red Necks in 2008, and losing the Mullet Bowl to another intra-division team. The once-proud Gamblers will now hunger down in Biloxi and wait for the lucrative Home Run Derby softball season to engulf the Gulf Coast.
Dogs Left for Dead Rebound Late Most teams would not be happy with an overall, final finish of 11th in BDFL. However, most teams aren’t the Brookside Dogs. Mark’s Mutts had what would have been a terrible season for most teams, but the Mangy Mutts rallied for a couple of late wins in the Mullet Series (they only had 4-vict’ries in the regular season) to actually finish above five other teams, including the Commissioner, Mukes, and the previous champion Cheetahs. So, maybe things are looking up in Brookside after basically a 100-year slide for the community on the banks of the now prestigious Five Mile Creek, ‘kayaking anyone?’ [The Dogs remain without a championship in their BDFL history.]
Cheetahs Fall and Can’t Get Up The 2007 Champions fell a long way in 2008. The Sin Wagon was just a shell of its former self this year, missing canvas, steeds, and wagon wheels for most of the campaign. The end of the season brought only relief for the Riverchase Cheetahs. The Mullet Series also brought a little help to the Cheetahs, who finished a league worst in total points with only 289. And, even though finishing 12th is pretty bad, Butch can still say he’s got the only team in league history with three BDFL Championships.
Gritz Blitz Finishes 11-6 But Relegated to Obscurity If you look at Jerry Fritz’ finished product, you’ll see 11-wins and an overall point total that equals out to 8th in the BDFL. So, why is the Druid City Blitz featured here as the unlucky 13th place team? First of all, they missed the BDCS by one point. Secondly, they lost in the Big Mullet Series but ironically (irony is so ironic) earned enough points to move up in the final points tally. Therefore, let it be said and by no means exaggerated that 2008 was a disappointing season for Mr. Obscurity and his Blitzers. [The Blitz remain without a championship in their short BDFL history.]
Grenades Reek of Disappointment The Cool Springs Grenades just couldn’t get anything going in an otherwise banner football season for Nash Vegas (see Vandy and Titans – although the Titans choked in the post-season). The Commissioner remains without a BDFL Championship in the league that he created, nurtured, tweaked (like a tender ham), and continues to mettle in; how painful that must be. Ole Iron just couldn’t get the job done in the Pony Draft, in the Miller Genuine Draft, or in the Supplemental Draft. His line-ups on Sunday under-achieved, and his un-exploding (the opposite of a Krystal burger) team fell short in the total points category too. After a 14th place finish, look for more administrative (red tape) changes in the procedural BDFL, and an unpredicted third selection in April’s Rookie Draft (Pony) for the Grenades.
Schedule-Maker Thumps Tree Dwellers Mukes’ reality series really took a toll on him this season, but not near as much as the dreaded ‘schedule-maker.’ The Three Toed Tree Dwellers actually had a pretty good year – except in all-important win-loss column. The final statistics show the Silver Lakes Sloth Monsters in 15th place in the BDFL (thank goodness they won the Toilet Bowl). The stats also illustrate Mukes with a record of 5-12, having absorbed a league-high three A.W.’s (Cheetahs & Gamblers also had 3). The numbers also indicate 439 total points for the Sloths, which put them in 6th overall in that category. However the dreaded Bullet Rule jumped up and bit them, relegating them to life in the Mullet Series, where they continued to lose agonizingly close games. The good news for Mukes; 2008 is over and his Miller Lite is cold. “Pop a top, again.”
Slovaks Lock-up Toilet Seat Position It comes as no surprise that the Helena Fighting Slovaks bring up the rear in the BDFL in 2008. “Ladies and Gentlemen, the 2008 Toilet Seat Team of the Year – the (not-so-fighting) Slovaks;” the Pi Cap Caravan completely derailed again this season. The Slovaks were awful, unable to even win a touch football game against elementary school students visiting Alabama Adventure theme park. Aside from maybe one good wrap all season (Adam Slo’s riling of Kenny B. with his “What’s an AW” hip-hop hit), it was pretty dismal. Have another pivo to drown your sorrows, fire up the grill and get some kielbasa going, ‘cause it’s going to be a long off-season. [The Slovaks – of course – remain without a championship in their BDFL history.]
Some CCR: (Loud to yourself, electric guitar, un-adulterated rock-n-roll… celebrate with Bullet!) Bil Nill, nill, nill… Bil, nill, nill, nill, nill… Bil, nill, nill, nill, nill! “There’s a place up ahead and I’m going, just as fast as my feet can fly Come away, come away if you’re going, leave the sinking ship behind. Come on the rising wind, we’re going up around the bend.
Bring a song and a smile for the banjo, better get while
the getting’s good, Come on the rising wind, we’re going up around the bend.
You can ponder perpetual motion, fix your mind on a
crisp, clear day, Come on the rising wind, we’re going up around the bend.
Catch a ride to the end of the highway and we’ll meet by
the big red tree,
Mukes Miller SpotLite of the week: “Give it to Bullet,” said Mukes, “he’s the champ, and he let me sleep on his couch for six weeks.” |
The Quote of the Week
"You can ponder
perpetual motion, fix your mind on a crisp, clear day, Always time
for a good conversation, there’s an ear for what you say" ---CCR
Back Bull 2008
Back Bull 2007
Back Bull 2006
Back Bull 2005
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The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks |
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