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 TheBDFL.com           THE BULLETIN                                             2007

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The BDFL's Weekly Game Summaries

By Bob Bullet

Week 5

All Ed

If a rock band was named after Ed Bruce, would it be: Headbruise, or Head Bruise, or Ed Broose?

See: Leonard Skinner (Lynyrd Skynyrd)

Please note: These Ed Bruce quotes (below) were too good to put with BDFL games, so the game reviews for Week 5 are at the bottom – The Bulletin.

“Urinate on it” a cure-all

“Who threw that (ball)!” following a perfect spiral from Chris Hand and a direct hit to Coach Bruce’s head the day he had a root canal.

“(Hotdog) Get on the fence!” followed by Hotdog Sexton going over and actually leaning on the fence, instead of running laps.

“This is mutiny,” comment to Chris Orazine (and the rest of the G-Club wannabes) on ‘undermining’ efforts to start a lettermen’s club.

“Jarvis, 0 blocks, 0 tackles,” Ed’s defiant answer to the Birmingham News, who were bound-and-determined to make Curt Jarvis their “Player of the Week” against Ed’s wishes.

“Jarvis, you’re a bad @$$.  Burkett, you think you’re a bad @$$”

“I would, if he would quit fumbling the damn football” comment to Roman Carter’s dad when he said, ‘I think my son should get to run the ball more.’

“I can kick anybody’s @$$ with this” turning to his players and holding up chalk, after admiring one of his designs in “chalk talk.”

“What the hell is Bullet doing out there!?” comment upon seeing Bullet on the field – getting rolled up like wholesale carpet – on a sweep by Leeds late (but apparently not late enough) in the 4th quarter of a 20-7 win against the Green Wave.  It was (probably) the last time Coach Cook gave preferential treatment to Bullet.

“Think of another one” comment to Bullet, when Bullet told him that his dad had once ate 12 hot dogs “at one sitting.”

“That’s turible, just turible”

“Annihilate ’em” and “go for the joogular”

“Throw it now Scott, now, now! Throw it now, now, now, throw it now, now, now, now!” to QB Scott Crowder in film session.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah” response to (game captain) Old Barry’s advice to ‘let Jaimie kick it,’ if the Cullman OT game came down to a field goal (it did, he did, it was good, and GHS won 9-6).

“Russell, are you tired?” halftime comment to running back Crandall Russell (during one of the McAdory games) trying to fire up the team.  It backfired when Crandall answered, “Yeah coach, I’m pooped.”  (Crandall actually said, “I’m pooped” to Coach Bruce.)

“Well hell, we ought to be able to run anywhere else, ’cause they got five guys on Jarvis” halftime comment after Curt said there was a guy head-up, one on his inside eye, one on his outside eye, and sometimes no one head-up, but a linebacker – or two – on him (and somebody – maybe Jarvis – actually laughed).

“Chicken$#!& pop-up” the Bulletin just had to put one in from (Coach) Tommy Morton.

“You gonna let (David) Palmer tell the bus driver where to turn!?” Gene Stallings quote to (Graduate Assistant) Jarvis.

Mayors 61 – Grenades 28

Who gets 25 from their kicker and 24 from their defense?  The Magic City Mayors, of course, with some backdoor dealing that would make the original Mayor Arrington (and his Cronies) very impressed.  “Government cheese for everyone,” said Mr. Mayor following his trip to Nash Vegas and subsequent A.W. of the Grenades (who scored a respectable 28 and still absorbed an A.W.), they’re just glad it didn’t involve a peach tree limb.

Wooden Warriors 36 – Tarnishers 6

In an epic match-up of 0-4 teams, the Black Creek Wooden Warriors took out a month of BDFL frustration, by hammering (and administering an A.W. to) the Tampa Tarnishers, who have not won a game since they failed to receive an asterisk – or other notation (except from the Bulletin) – after their 9th -place finish led to a back-door berth in the BDCS in 2006.  In ’07, this motley group of pixie dusters, musicians, and magicians continues to take A.W.’s and claim “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” honors in record numbers.  In fact, Parks may soon be petitioning for an ’06 asterisk to “set things straight,” so he might be able to actually win a game this season.  Meanwhile, Kawliga was hear saying,  “We’d be undefeated if we played them every week.”

(Undefeated) Juggernauts 17 – Blitz 12

The Jugtown Juggernauts continue to “score moderately and win consistently” in the early going of 2007.  This weekend, the ‘Nauts remained undefeated after a short trip to T-Town and a seemingly easy vict’ry over the Druid City Blitz.  For the expansion Gritzers, wins are getting hard to come by so they may soon have to head to Holt to regroup.

(Undefeated) Gamblers 20 – Bootleggers 15

The Gulf Coast Gamblers just keep on winning (at the crap tables, the blackjack tables, roulette, slots, wheel of fortune, keno, bingo) in 2007 in the BDFL.  Kenny B. may begin attending all Miller Genuine Drafts now on a regular basis.  The Gamblers smoked the Cleveland (that just doesn’t sound right) Bootleggers in Week 5 to remain undefeated on the season.  Okay, Bootleggers and Grenades time to pick a new name to match your new locations.

Woosiers 16 – Bullets 10

Columbus Day holiday costs Bullets: Like Christopher Columbus, the Bullets were lost on Monday Night after enjoying a blissful State of Alabama Columbus Day holiday (“I think he discovered Alabama,” said [Governor Gomer] Guy Hunt.) on Monday.  Unbeknownst to Bullet, his Benton Bullets ‘enjoyed’ a 10-point lead over the Smoke Rise Woosiers following Sunday’s NFL action.  All the Woo Crew had left – to avoid at Tarnish-like null set – was Monday Night Football and rookie Dallas Cowboy kicker Nick Folk, who is quickly becoming a folk hero.  Anyway, the PK scores 10-points on MNF with some regular work, but the Bullets still look (in retrospect) to take home the 10-10 OT vict’ry courtesy of the longest play on Sunday.  Then: fluke score with 20-seconds, missed 2-point conversion, fluke onside kick recovery, pass into field goal range, 53-yard FG gives Cowboys – and Woosiers – come from behind vict’ry.

Wildcats 32 – Dogs 6

Chalk up another A.W. for the Brookside Dogs, this one at the hands of the Rocky Ridge Wildcats.  Mark’s Mutts are so bad this year; it’s no longer enjoyable to make fun of them.  Super Banker’s head is still spinning from being bought out by AmSouth, SouthTrust, Regions, and Wachovia – he doesn’t even know who he is stealing – er working for these days.

Power Sleds 28 – Cheetahs 12

Reportedly, the new Eagles song “How Long” is dedicated to the Riverchase Cheetahs.  How long will the Cheetahs continue to get pummeled in the BDFL before they make a change at the top?  Yeah, they are rumored to be looking at Chris Smelley, Chris Nickson, Michael Henig, or Star Jackson to take over the signal-calling duties.  Meanwhile, the PowerSleds keep rocking along behind the strong throwing arm of Cotis Nunnely.  “How long, how long, woman will you weep.  How long, how long, rock yourself to sleep.”

Fighting Slovaks 19 – Sloth Monsters 12

Thank goodness it’s not a long ride from New Bessemer to Old Harry’s.  Mukes and Adam Slo put aside their many differences after Sunday’s action to travel to T-Town to visit Linnie Patrick and Harry Hammond (and a couple of D.Z.’s).  Neither was ever asked to leave, but Copenhagen cans and rap records were strategically tossed out the front door to (finally) lure the not-so-dynamic duo away from the establishment.  In a flashback to draft night, “Uncle Ron,” brought ‘em beverages and drove ‘em home… charging only the standard cap fare.

Quote of the

Week

“Russell, are you tired?” halftime comment to running back Crandall Russell (during one of the McAdory games) trying to fire up the team.  It backfired when Crandall answered, “Yeah coach, I’m pooped.”  (Crandall actually said, “I’m pooped” to Coach Bruce.)

Quote of the

Week II

“Think of another one” comment to Bullet, when Bullet told him that his dad had once ate 12 hot dogs at one sitting.

 

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