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The BDFL's Weekly Game Summaries

By Bob Bullet

    Week 11 - Don’t let the facts get in the way of a good story…

Bullets Dance the Night Away

Not since Albert’s first bachelor party, has Sammy’s been rocked like this. Taking a page from the past, the Benton Bullets met at Garden Brook Estates, then stopped at Mike’s Handy Mart, before meeting up with the gang at J.T. Roberts.  After D.K. and a few others stood up in their seats, it was time to head over the Valleydale.  And, just like 25-years ago, the dumpsters outside Sammy didn’t stand a chance.  The Bullets threw everything they had at the Cheetah IIIs.  When the smoke and fog cleared, the Bullets had put a big, hairy, A.W. on the Sin Wagon. After that, everything was a blur, but somehow the Bullets ended up safely back in Benton, even though their suitcases had been Greyhound stamped Memphis, Gardendale, and Prattville.  “Ready, Aim, Fire!”

Sloth Monsters – The (Reality) Series: Episode 10

In this week’s episode, Mukes takes several of his “free passes, match-play tokens, and VIP vouchers” to a number of casinos on the Mississippi Gulf Coast.  In a whirlwind tour from table to table and hotel-to-hotel, Mukes is wined and dined and refined.  However, when the Son of Slim finds the Mexican 21 table at Beau Rivage, it is all over but the shouting (except for Kenny B. who wails and moans most of night).  The Three Toed Tree dwellers clean up against the so-called Gamblers, and even have to give Kenny the Slovak definition of A.W.  Note to Gamblers: Better get the Dixie Mafia back in gear.  Tune in next week for more of the misadventures of Mukes, same bat time, same bat station.

From the Desk of Lowrey Langford:

In response to the posting on the website about the Mayors record over the years, “We are not about trying to win all the games.  It is more about the “social” aspect of the league and we are all for letting everyone experience the joys of winning.  Spread the wealth is our motto.  Heck, the Mayors will even give the Slovaks a few wins to improve their percentage.  Following that correspondence, the Mayors promptly went out to Brookside (one of the few Jefferson County areas they are not trying to annex) and whipped the Dogs by a couple of touchdowns. The Mayors vict’ry over Mark’s Mutts – however – could not erase the smile off Dog’s face, apparently glazed their after watching his beloved #1-ranked Crimson Tide move to 11-0 on the season.  “Anybody got Championship Game tickets?”

“Who are these guys?” Butch to Sundance

“Who are these guys?” Woo asked the Commissioner after his Woo Crew was derailed over the weekend by the Druid City Blitz.  Unlike most of Alabama, the Blitz headed out of T-Town this weekend to visit the sleepy hamlet of Hayden right in the middle of yet another country bumpkin festival and little league convention.  Apparently, Tommy T. is trying to get the local 12-year-old champions into the Little League World Series in Bridgeport, Connecticut (or whereever they play that thing).  The Woosiers should have paid more attention to the Blitz, who stormed – i.e. blitzed – into town and left with a close vict'ry.

Sledheads Rock Music City, U.S.A.

The PowerSleds amped-up for their visit to Music City, U.S.A., and then they went out an embarrassed the not-so-Cool Springs Grenades.  In fact, the Mean Machine administered an A.W. to the Commissioner right in front of jubilant Vandy and Titans fans.  So while the Commodores and the Jeff Fisher contingency is celebrating an unprecedented season in Nash Vegas, the Grenades are up to their old tricks and look miles away from ever winning that one illusive BDFL Championship.

Woodies Win One against Wizards (Not so fast, my friend)

Jeff Parks returned to Fultondale in his vintage 1986 blue Ford Explorer with 4-wheel-drive on the fly, only to be kicked in the shins by the Wooden Warriors.  Old Bocephus may have taught Parks all Parks knows about NASCAR, but he didn’t teach Parks all that he knows about NASCAR, if you know what I mean.  Put it this way, the Pixie Dusters rode into Black Crick with a shiny vehicle, put couldn’t get it in gear, couldn’t get it into 4-wheel low, and couldn’t lock-down the hubs, which caused them to leave town behind a tow-truck with a tarnished vehicle with taunts of “Tarnishers, Tarnishers,” coming from the crowd. However, the Tribe spoke too soon.  The Tarnishers then “turned it (the taunting) around and used it against them” on ESPN’s Monday Night Football, snatching a vict’ry from the jaws of defeat.

Nauts Kick Bootleggers

It’s a long way from Canton, Ohio to God’s Country – Gardendale, Alabama.  And, the drive is even farther when you have to go back with bruised shins.  A.E. and her fired-up Juggernauts do not take kindly to Yankees and drove the Bootleggers out of Jugtown just as fast as she could.  The results would have been a lot worse had Allyson not been tired from running the New York City Marathon (she ran it faster than Ron Slovensky or Will Ferrell ran the Boston Marathon).

Congratulations Allyson!

BDFL multi-sport athlete (the only one left), Allyson Edwards recently ran the New York City marathon in 3:52:49.  She finished 420th in her classification/age group and 10,566th overall.  A marathon in under 4-hours.  Great Job, Allyson.  The BDFL salutes you for this amazing feat.  There is clearly a reason you are the only woman in the BDFL, and we are lucky to have you.

BioCats Fail to Build on (Disputed) Reputation

Buoyed by a recent BDFL–WARTS study that indicates that the Rocky Ridge Wildcats have the best all-time winning percentage in the BDFL, the James Gang brushed away the cobwebs (from late-night studying) to near top the lowly Slovaks.  By the way, that same study found that the Slovaks have the all-time worst winning percentage in BDFL history.  It seems, looking at the numbers, that the Wildcats and Slovaks have played an in ornament amount of games against each other.  But, this week the Slovaks rallied on Monday Night Football to get a dozen “oh by the way” points from the Buffalo Defense to defeat the BioCats.  “What’s your winning percentage now,” chimed Adam Slo.

More Pickin’ on the Slovaks:

“Slovaks need to get in line for a bunch of things, i.e., BDFL Draft advice, vocabulary lessons, poetry by numbers kit, Theme Park Management 101 at Bessemer Tech, golf lessons, dance lessons, one way ticket back to the homeland, etc.,” from Iron Hand.

Allman Brothers Line of the Week:

“(She) took care of my money, wrecked my new car, and now she’s with one of my good-time buddies drinking in some cross-town bar.” – From “Whippin’ Post”

Click here for the spotlight close-up

Mukes Miller SpotLite of the week:

“It is on the Sloth Monsters baby for putting a big A.W. on the Gamblers right down there at their home-town casinos,” said Mukes.  “Bet heavy and sleep in the street.”

The Quote

of the Week

"Slovaks need to get in line for a bunch of things, i.e., BDFL Draft advice, vocabulary lessons, poetry by numbers kit, Theme Park Management 101 at Bessemer Tech, golf lessons, dance lessons, one way ticket back to the homeland, etc."        --Iron Hand

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