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The BDFL's Weekly Game Summaries

By Bob Bullet

Week 7

 “Ramblin’, ramblin’… R A M B L I N, apostrophe.”

Who’s hot?

Oh no, it’s the Juggernauts!  A.E.’s Honda-driving, latte-drinking, steel toed shoe, CPA, lawyer types broke out the hardware in Week Seven to destroy the Wildcats.  So, in one fell swoop, the Nauts claim their 1st vict’ry of 2006, grab the “Top Dog of the Week” honors and make the BioCats look like a bunch of pocket-protector, four-eyed, left-handed, bookworm weaklings.

Who’s hot (Honorable Mention)?

The Sloths and Wizards pay tribute to the injured Shaun Alexander, with 37-points.  Parks’ 37 helped him win the Doo Doo Pumpers battle of Middle Earth over the woebegone Wooden Warriors, while Mukes’ 37 enabled the Three Toed Tree Dwellers to silence (at least momentarily) the Fighting Slovaks with a big ole A.W.  “Speaka da jive now, turkey.”

Who’s not?

The Dogs. Mark’s Mutts finally bit the dust, but it took 9-points during Monday Night Football for the Blades to notch the vict’ry.  So (in another) one fell swoop, the Dogs lose their first game of the season and earn “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” honors by dropping a single-digit loss (5-9) to the Section 69 Sickles.  The score was almost 6 to 9.

Stat of the week:

(Not) More Monday Night Magic: The Cheetahs were not warming bottles and changing diapers with one eye on the 52-inch, plasma, HDTV on Monday Night as Sin Wagon Rider’s Feely (Giants) and Jacobs (Giants) combined for 16-points.  That was just enough to give Butch a thrilling come-from-behind, one-point vict’ry over the PowerSleds, who were warming bottles and changing diapers Monday Night.  What’s this?  The Sleds threw the “red (blood soaked) flag,” and called for a Mizlou iso-light, instant replay review.  And, upon further review the call is reversed and the PowerSleds win.  WARTS awarded Mad Jack 12-points for Washington’s “D” and the Sleds get a “W.” Rock a bye baby.

Quote of the week:

Woo said, “And to top it off, both our kickers missed makeable field goals (yours could have won the game),” following the Woosiers’ harrowing one-point win over the Bullets in a rugged Red Neck Division match-up.

“Ouch.  I did not know that.  Thank you very little.  I didn't know Elam (Broncos) missed a FG.  Thanks a lot.  That makes that 1-point defeat go down easier,” said the Bullerino.

Quote of the week II:

 “I’ll tell you what I want,” said Chain.  “I want a big ole box of chicken”  That’s the only good quote to come out of No Teeth, Tennessee, following the third Saturday of October.

Slovak words of the week:

Steiger = miner’s foreman; potkan = rat; tupý = butt

Edspiration:

“Who hit me with that football!?”

Edspiration II:

“What in the hell is Bullet doing out there?”

Play of the week:

The Tennessee Titans being off.  With the Titans off, the Commissioner had to turn to his back-up place-kicker (Reed – Pittsburgh) who scored 10-points serving as the margin of vict’ry for the Grenades’ narrow 2-point win over the Mayors.

Non-play of the week:

The Mayors leave Corey Dillon (Patriots) on the bench, supposedly to play their bevy of other high-scoring running backs from the Niagara Falls area.  Dillon scores a dozen earning the Cronies the Scott Hunter “Bonehead of the Week” award.  The Bulletin has begun an investigation into why someone would leave a player of Dillon’s caliber on the pine with a game on the line; maybe to not make points, but to make points with the Commissioner.

“Out there” of the week:

The resurgent Saints were off, but Brett Favre’s team won a game and the Mississippi Mafia in the embodiment of the Gamblers went “out there” or up there to No Teeth, Tennessee this weekend and put an A.W. on the Bootleggers.  The Real Deal apparently didn’t care too much for the banjo music, but he liked the BBQ.

“Seinfeld Four” Sit-com moment:

“His whole life is a fantasy,” said George about Kramer.  “People should plunk down $2,000 to live like him for a week.  Have no job, fall ass-backwards into money, and have sex without dating.”

Reason #6 or 9 (tie) to be in the BDFL:

Mr. Fantasy Football Manager.  You can feel some ownership when you hear the “Real Men of Genius” Bud Light advertisements involving Fantasy Football. “It’s a fake 4th and one, fake football.”

Next week:

In a lower feeder brother brawl, Kawliga takes his wounded Wooden Warriors up to Nashville to battle the Grenades.  The Warriors are planning to wear all black uniforms (aka FSU) to pay tribute to the “never-conquered” Seminole nation, or they may wear all yellow to match the streak down their backs, their wristbands, and the war paint of the Black Creek Nation.  

Quote of the

Week

"His whole life is a fantasy,” said George about Kramer.  “People should plunk down $2,000 to live like him for a week.  Have no job, fall ass-backwards into money, and have sex without dating"
 

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