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 TheBDFL.com           THE BULLETIN                                             2008

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The BDFL's Weekly Game Summaries

By Bob Bullet

    Week 14 - Regular Season Ends (without Controversy)

Bullets Win Again – Get More on MNF

The Smoke Risers in the Sky welcomed the Boys from Benton to town this weekend in a key match-up in the Rugged Red Neck Division, with the championship on the line. And when the smoke cleared – actually it never really clears up there, hence the name, ‘Smoke Rise’ – the Bullets had more points on the board, thus a big win over the Woo Crew and superiority in the division. In fact, after the Monday Night Football scores were factored into WARTS, it turned out to be a big old, hairy, A.W. So, the Bullets get the vict’ry and subsequently the vict’ry chicken and now get ready for the Big Daddy Championship Series, where they will be the #2 seed and get to host – you guessed it – little brother Bocephus and the Tribe (#7 seed) in the first round. “I hope it is cold,” said Bullet.

Wooden Warriors Big Win

The Black Creek Reservation was rockin’ and rollin’ this weekend as the home town Wooden Warriors put an whuppin' on the visiting Bootleggers. The Wood Brothers have not had many good trips South this season, and on this particular Sunday, they were embarrassed at the hands of the BDFL’s youngest Hand. The loss dropped the Whiskey Runners below .500 and destroyed any chances they had of advancing to the BDCS. As it turns out, they would not have had enough points to qualify at any rate. Meanwhile, the Woodies chanted and danced into the night, celebrating with fire-water and by smokin’ ’em peace pipe. “Bring on the Bullets,” said Chief Kawliga.

Dogs Hike on Gamblers (Shooting 4-10s)

Ever since his tirade against the Slovaks (for putting an A.W. on him and then talking trash in cyberspace) and subsequent A.W. absorbing, the season has gone downhill at record pace for the Gamblers. The straw that broke the Gamblers back was Sunday’s embarrassing loss at the hands of the lowly Brookside Dogs (4-10 in 2009). Mark’s Mutts brought down the hammer on Kenny B. & Company, sending the Gamblers (4-10 too) down to the lowly Big Mullet Series, otherwise known as the loser’s bracket. Despite a losing record, the Dogs celebrated with a parade that went from Wayne’s Place in Brookside to the parking lot of Synaflex Rubber in Talladega. Barney – the security guard at Synaflex – then managed to shoo the Dogs home after he found that they did not have proper (security/identification) ankle bracelets. (Gamblers: before you call the “Dixie Mafia,” it wasn’t really an A.W. – it just seemed like one – a few points on MNF actually dropped it to only a 14-point loss to the lowly, mangy, Mutts.)

Nauts Lock-Up Mayors

“Not here, not now,” read a sign in the crowd at Rocket Stadium on Sunday. And, in fairness a sign on the other side said, “Free Lowry Langford.” So, the fans appeared to be into it, and by ‘it’ we mean the match-up between a pair of playoff teams; the Jugtown Juggernauts and the Magic City Mayors. The only trouble is that the ‘Nauts blew away the Cronies. New Gardendale Mayor Othell Phillips (who played 12-year-old youth hoops on Bullet and Scottie West’s undefeated team) was the one holding the sign illustrating to the Mayors that “he” is in charge of things now in Gardendale. Ironically, the two teams will square-off again next week in Round One of the BDCS with the game at Legion Field with the Cronies playing host.

QUESTION: Who got the most crucial win this week?  ANSWER: The Power Sleds

The Mean Machine’s win over the Sloth Monsters (see below) pushed Mad Jack’s record to 7-7 and in position to enter the Big Daddy Championship Series instead of the Big Mullet Series.

Sloth Monsters – The (Reality) Series: Episode 13

In this week’s episode, Mukes and Albert locate their next meal and their next case-of-beer. When that 5-minutes is over the episode kinds of drags for the next 25-minutes. However, in this week’s show… we see Mukes trying to sell houses in a bad economy, trying to play Mr. Mom, and trying to convince Albert that the Chick-Fil-A cows really do parachute into football stadiums and make signs that say, “Eat Mor Chiken.” To his credit, Albert sticks to his guns and says, “no way.” After this argument subsides, the Sloth Monsters welcome the PowerSleds to Silver Lakes and practically give up sometime between the coin toss and the opening kickoff. Convinced that the schedule-maker will not allow him to win another game, Mukes turns his attention to his Christmas tree and getting all the Miller Lite cans up as decorations in an orderly manner. (Mukes’ 25-points in Week 14 would have defeated 10 other BDFL teams, so his “schedule-maker” conspiracy theory continues for another week.) The Three Toed Tree Dwellers will be the top seed in the Big Mullet Series (BMS), with a point total that could easily have made the BDCS had it not been for scheduling troubles (see losses). Tune in next week for more of the misadventures of Mukes; same bat time, same bat station.

Just a Bit Short – in more ways than one – for Blitz:

The Druid City Blitz had a winning record in 2008, but fell one-point-short of making the Big Dance. The Blitz aggravation is the PowerSleds celebration. In Week 14, Old Man Fritz was shot down by the Tampa Tarnishers by two. And, for the umpteenth time, a team drafted by an outsider – a BDFL “youthful participant” in the Genuine Draft – has a team as the Top Seed in the BDCS. The Wizards will occupy the top spot next week, and attempt to go after their second legitimate BDFL Championship (their 2nd title in the records is a “tarnished title” due to the fact that they finished the regular season that year outside the top 8 – not even in the first half of the overall points standings).

Slovaks Win Again – Alert the Media

EuroTrash Talkers Speak (email) Again: “I think scoring 1 point is more embarrassing than putting up a goose egg,” said Adam who actually worked the WARTS system to come up with three more points, and then 3-more on MNF, and win a game. Yes, amazingly the Fighting Slovaks scored only seven points, but managed to top the entrenched “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” – the Riverchase Cheetahs (no longer Cheetah IIIs), by the final score of 7-3. The Sin Wagon – void of all life – limps home with the worst point total in the BDFL and a record of 2-12. Buoyed by a late season winning streak – of sorts – Adam Slo’s Pi Cap Caravan closes the regular season at 5-9, apparently reason to wrap – not wrap Christmas presents – but, to rap.

Time for some rappin’

Courtesy of Alabama Adventure: “With all that said: Whup, Whup, Yeah, Big Daddy Sloooo, the Wiz turnin' out to be my bro. Yea, yea, check it, the Wizardo feelin real good, Jaimie been laying that big ol' wood, Mukes and the Slo's still the best looking, we got the Grenades on the corner hookin.' Word to the greenhorn, word to T.O. and the TD, lay it down. Peace Out,” BIG A SLO (rhymes with big A hole).

Grenades Salvage Win Over BioCats

With the Cool Springs Grenades season going more like Vandy’s than the Titans in Music City U.S.A., the Commissioner was able to draw the regular season to a close with a little satisfaction in Week 14 by defeating the BioCats by a touchdown. Never mind that Old Iron is headed to the Big Mullet Series while the James Gang is the third seed in the winner’s bracket.

Fogerty Line of the Week:

“Rounding third and headed for home is a brown-eyed handsome man,” from Centerfield.

Old Barry Line of the Week (commemorating December 8, 1981):

“The S.O.B. had the audacity to die on my birthday,” said Old Barry commenting on the death of former Beatle and pop-culture icon John Lennon, who was shot that day.

Click here for the spotlight close-up

Mukes Miller SpotLite of the week:

“The Schedule-Maker for hosing me practically each and every week,” said Mukes, “and single Handily keeping me out of the Big Daddy Championship Series. With a fair, bracketed, shot in the Big Mullet Series, I should roll to some big wins especially since I have the Cheetahs first and then the winner of the Grenades vs. Gamblers, before getting the ‘other’ four losers.”

The Quote

of the Week

"Word to the Greenhorn, word to T.O. and the TD, lay it down. Peace Out,” BIG A SLO (rhymes with big A hole)"
 

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