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By Bob Bullet

The Bulletin Week Two – Time to Get Back in the Saddle

Mildcats Mesmerize Merlin

Borrowing a couple of card tricks from Father Guido Sarducci, the Wizard pulled a Houdini and scored in double-figures against the Mildcats.  Mr. Obnoxious (not Bullet, J.J. still holds the title) who is much more comfortable in a lab, than on a football field, however had an answer to Merlin’s Sunday “trickerations.” In the BDFL, it’s called an A.W., and we ain’t talking root beer.  Is there a team worse than the Wizards?

Bullets Shot by Mayors on MNF

The one-and-only Bullerino blew into Lawson Field after downing a couple of pitchers and pizza pies at Mr. Gatti’s (no relation to Steve “Spiderman” Gaddy) and then cruising the East Lake Mall parking lot looking for chicks with Chuck Tumlin and Scott Crowder in Chuck’s bad @$$ black ’78 Camero.  As always it didn’t work, and Bullet “felt a little heavy” going across the way to face the Mayors.  The Cronies had also overindulged on some Church's Fried Chicken, however they were able to take advantage of a fat, drunk, and Flounder-like Bullet.  The Benton Boys counted their chickens too soon and got shot down Monday night by “the other” Moss.  Then went to drown their sorrows at Pat & Greg’s.  (Which Scott thought for years was a bar.)

Grenades Implode Against Bootleggers

In the Volunqueer State’s latest inbred rivalry, the Grenades ventured east to No Teeth, Tennessee to try and out run the Bootleggers.  Bad idea.  The Big Block Dodge can still tote the mail, er… moonshine.  And, with Steadman Marlin (son of Sterling, grandson of Coo Coo, and named for a former Bama QB) at the wheel the Whiskey Runners can really make some tracks.

Dogs Tame Slovaks

Booger Bass, Dwight Slowees, Dodie Goode, John Foster, Jerome Jackson, Jonathan Carroll, John Wayne Franklin, Darrell Pickle, Petey Meadows, and Terry Tarrence were all in attendance for the Dogs and Fighting Slovaks battle on the banks of Five Mile Creek.  There were numerous altercations involving Coke bottles and such.  There were numerous arrests, and long lines to get into Wayne’s Place after it was over.  And when the smoke cleared – and it took until Tuesday morning – the Dogs had defeated the Slovaks in the latest “Battle of Brookside.”

Injuns Scalp Sickles

In a mutual agreement to park at Allred’s, kick off at the Tide & Tiger, and meet at Legion Field in Section 69, the Wooden Warriors and Blades squared off in Saturday night showdown at the Old Gray Lady.  The Sickles aren’t as sharp as they used to be and quite frankly are no match for Hime’s well-hewned tomahawks.  When the slicing and dicing was done off Graymont Avenue, Lyle & Company were waiting with Hud for a ride home, while the Woodies were whooping it up, smoking the old peace pipe, and downing some vintage fire water.

Sleds Blast Woo Crew

Mad Jack’s Motley Crue turned the Hayden Pumpkin Patch into the Pain Cave this weekend with a blistering ear assault on the Woosiers.  The PowerSleds attributed the vict’ry to the Judas Priest lyrics ringing in their heads from Fairfield to Blount County, “Take me home If you think I'll sit around as the world goes by.  You’re thinking like a fool.  ‘Cause it’s a case of do or die.  Out there is a fortune waitin’ to be had.  You think I’ll let it go, you’re mad.  You’ve got another thing coming.  You’ve got another thing coming.”

Gamblers Trump Cheetahs

With no choice but to take his Neil Diamond “Traveling Salvation Show” on the road this season, Kenny B. landed his talented Gamblers on Valley Avenue this weekend.  “Not a bad place to stop,” said one Gambler insider.  And, not a bad time to catch the Cheetahs, who are still staggering from their Genuine Draft night placement and subsequent verbal subduing from the previous described Mr. Obnoxious.  It looks like Sammy’s might double this season as the Beau Rivage North.

Juggernauts Knock Off Sloths

Naut since the Golden Gophers went for his knees in 1979, have the Sloth Monsters had such a rough night at Rocket Stadium.  A.E. had her Rice Rockets firing on all stages burning liquid hydrogen and oxygen Sunday and blew past the Three Toed Tree Dwellers faster than a White Grenada with a yellow canoe tied on top.  The BULLETin couldn’t make out whether the Rocket’s bumper sticker said, “I heart Uranus,” or “Next Stop Livingston.”  Either way, it ain’t good.

Quote of the

Week

“Not a bad place to stop,” said one Gambler insider.  And, not a bad time to catch the Cheetahs, who are still staggering from their Genuine Draft night placement and subsequent verbal subduing from the previous described Mr. Obnoxious"

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blades | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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