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The BDFL's Weekly Game Summaries

By Bob Bullet

    Week 15 - BIG DADDY CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES (BDCS) Round 1

Sleds Shock Sorcerers

The Fairfield Power Sleds looked like the “Mean Machine” of old this weekend down in Pasco County, Florida. Mad Jack’s vintage Heavy Metal hit parade hit the Tampa Tarnishers in the teeth and did not back down from the Number-1 seed in the BDFL’s Big Daddy Championship Series bracket. For the Tarnishers, it is one of the all-time biggest “choke jobs” in Fantasy Football hist’ry, perhaps equaling the Dan Reeves bonehead from a few years ago. Favored by more than a touchdown by the Evil Las Vegas Oddsmaker, the Tarnishers saw their dreams of a championship season go up in (dry-ice) smoke as the Sledheads turned Raymond James Stadium into the Pain Cave. “No one can hear you scream, because you’re ears are bleeding in the Pain Cave. The pretty, pretty, pain cave,” said Wayne and Garth (from Wayne’s World). The Bulletin could neither confirm nor deny that that the Tarnishers are looking at Gene Chizik to coach their team next year, IF Neil Callaway is not available.

With Lowrey in Chains, Nauts Cruise to Vict’ry

Just a week later, not much had changed in the mysterious and (we’re quite sure) erroneous case and subsequent arrest of Mayor Lowrey Langford, who was last seen in shackles leaving city hall. The Jugtown Juggernauts put another hurting on the Cronies in Round One of the BDCS. The Nauts now get to advance to the semi-finals, while the Honorable Mr. Langford gets to advance to jail – do not pass ‘go,’ do not collect $200 – or round up the Olympics, or build a dome (out of worn out phonograph needles and peanut hulls). The over-and-under on Obama bailing him out, er… pardoning the Right Reverend Mayor is six weeks (so he doesn’t appear weak on crime). To add insult to injury, the Rice Rockets got more points on Monday Night to make it an “official” A.W.

Woo Crew Upsets Wildcats

Don’t look now, but Tommy T’s Woosiers are peaking at the right time. Undaunted after being overtaken down the stretch for the “coveted crown” in the Rugged Red Neck Division, Master Woo has set his sights on the big prize. In Woo’s way this first weekend of the post-season, was the always wily Wildcats. Touting their best all-time winning percentage (still hard to believe) in the BDFL, the James Gang was ambushed by the Hayden Haymakers in the closest game of the week. But the former state champion wrestlers were too much for the former all-state left-fielders. Now, the Woosiers will load up for Round Two against the Red Neck rival Bullets.

Brother Bowl Ends in Brawl

Not since Cain and Abel have brothers gotten along so well. Bocephus’ visit to Benton was busy until the Bullets broke out a barrel of industrial strength “whoop @$$” and dumped it on Chief Kawliga’s best head dress. After that it was pandemonium on Copperhead Road as the Cowboys (Bullet) and Indians (Hime) squared-off. Reports from the banks of the Alabama River in western Lowndes County are still sketchy, but it appears the White Men (Bullets) invited the Red Men (Wooden Warriors) in for a friendly visit, got the Tribe to sign some sort of treaty and then quickly reneged after the Injuns were overly-influenced by fire-water (or Pike County White Lightning). Meanwhile, while the number 1, 3, and 4 seeds in the BDCS lost in Round One, the Bullets advance in search of the big prize.

SEMI FINALS of the BDCS This Week:

(6) Woosiers vs. (2) Bullets

(8) Power Sleds vs. (5) Juggernauts

BIG MULLET SERIES (BMS)

Even in the Mullet Series with Brackets & Seeds - Sloths Catch Wrong Team

Mukes can’t blame the evil “Schedule-Maker” for this game, but the Tree Toed Tree Dwellers still continue to have bad luck in 2008 (and the calendar doesn’t turn until the season is over). In the first round of the Big Mullet Series, the Sloth Monsters scored enough points to defeat every team in the BDFL – except one. And, that “one” was the lowest of all, the Cheetahs, the 16^th seed (however, it should be noted they are still the defending champs and only 3-time winner in BDFL hist’ry). The Sloths were 8.5-point favorites. If not for a losing record (and the aforementioned schedule-maker) they would have easily made the winners’ bracket. But, now they have to face the fact that they lost to the Cheetahs – in the loser’s bracket – and seem to be on a collision course with the Bottom Feeder Bowl.

Sloth Monsters – The (Reality) Series: Episode 14

In this week’s episode, Mukes is putting up Christmas decorations and things go from bad to worse. He’s got lights shorting out, and Christmas trees falling over. He has broken ornaments scattered around the tree and he can’t find the Miller Lite or his Copenhagen. Finally, exhausted he turns on the weekend’s NFL action, only to see every player on the Cheetahs roster having the game of their lives and certainly the 2008 season. The episode suddenly fades – actually cuts to black – as all the electricity in Silver Lakes goes out. Tune in next week for more of the misadventures of Mukes, and see if he survives his call to the ‘suicide hotline;’ same bat time, same bat station.

Slovaks Booted by the Whiskey Runners

Adam Slo’s modest two-game winning streak came to an abrupt halt in the first round of the BMS this weekend. The North Canton Bootleggers doubled-up the Fighting Slovaks (and added even more on Monday Night), and (temporality) shut up the rapping Pi Cap Caravan. “I guess I did everyone in the league a favor with his one,” said the Wood Brothers.

Grenades Sink to Gamblers

Well, you knew Monday Night Magic would kick in somewhere in Week 15, and the Gulf Coast Gamblers were the beneficiary this time around. Kenny B. got a 15-point boost on MNF and managed to out-score the Cool Springs Grenades, 21-13, sending the Commissioner further into his 2008 nightmare. (His beloved Titans also lost again.)

Dogs Bite Blitz

The incredible shrinking Druid City Blitz missed the BDCS by one point. Then they added insult to injury by losing by a touchdown to the lowly, mangy, Brookside Dogs in the opening round of the BMS. “Try BM without the S,” said Fritz. “Or BMS without the M, yeah this season has been a bunch of BS.” As for the Dogs, who are just happy to be playing and ruining things for other teams (remind you of anyone), they’ll take a vict’ry any way they can get it and sit back a gnaw on the (vict’ry) chicken bones.

Christmas Lyric of the Week:

“Have you been good, so Santa will bring you a new saxophone?” Bruce Springsteen to the Big Man, Clarence Clemons in the Boss’ version of Santa Claus is Coming to Town.

Christmas Lyric of the Week II:

“Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree… you’re minty and delightful.” Matthew Hand (5) singing Oh, Christmas Tree.

Click here for the spotlight close-up

Mukes Miller SpotLite of the week:

“Give it to the schedule-maker or the bracket creator, or whoever matched me with the Cheetahs,” said a dejected Mukes. “Yeah, Merry Christmas.”

The Quote

of the Week

"The over-and-under on Obama bailing him out, er… pardoning the Right Reverend Mayor is six weeks (so he doesn’t appear weak on crime)"
 

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