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From Underneath The Rock

in Media Void

The BDFL's Weekly Game Summaries
By Bob Bullet

WEEK 13: Division By Division

Red Neck Division – Neck-and-Neck

In the rugged Red Neck Division, Kenny B’s Gamblers won the battle this weekend against the Bullets, but they haven’t won the war… yet!  The Bottom Deck Dealers pulled out an “ace” late Sunday to edge the Hot Shot Bullets by one, 18-17.  However, the Bullets still lead the division race by 6-points going into the final two weeks of the regular season.  In this the BDFL’s only battle between former Champions, all eyes are glued to what will happen in the next two weeks.  The Gamblers’ win did guarantee the “Bayou Card Crew” a winning season.  So, they’ve got that going for them.  Meanwhile, Bullet still has two weeks to win one game to inch above the line bearing his name.  (The “Bullet Line,” for those of you not following along.)  In other RND action in Week 13, the Woosiers blasted the Bootleggers, who took home the “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak.”  It looks as though the Whiskey Runners will be ‘home for the holidays’ along with their mentor and hero, Phat Phil Phulmer, and his beloved band of Orange Suckers.

Greenies Fighting to the Finish

The Wizards won in Week 13.  The Wooden Warriors lost to the surprisingly surging Sloth Monsters, and the Green Horn Division is officially up for grabs.  The Sloths are certainly limited in their “grabbing” ability with only three-toes on each “hand” and no plausible thumbs to be found.  But, the Son of Slim could find the back door (which would not be unprecedented) and somehow manage to slip into the playoffs.  However, the odds are that either Merlin or Hime will get their act together in the next two weeks and represent the GHD in the BDFL playoffs.  The Woodies hold a narrow 5-point lead over the Wizards but the cold weather can’t be helping their cause.  Meanwhile, Merlin is so far down in the bottom of his ‘bag of tricks’ that he’s pulling out lint, candy wrappers, and bunny nuggets to try and make the playoffs.  Not only do the Wizards need to overtake the Woodies in the total points category, but they must also ‘win out’ to get above the aforementioned “Bullet Line.”  As for the Fighting Slovaks, they are sitting in front of the fire under one of Meme’s old quilts and waiting for Christmas, New Year’s, and winter to start.  “Hey, I made it into double-figures and still got beat,” said the shocked (dazed and confused) Slovak Prince late Sunday.

Cheetahs Accept Challenge

The Grenades and Power Sleds gained some ground in the Gray Beard Division on Sunday.  In fact, at one point only 11-points separated the top 3 teams in the division.  But then Butch Neal’s “money man” Shaun Alexander put up 12-spot on Monday Night Football, giving the Cheetahs a 21 point edge over the 2nd place Grenades and a 23-point margin over the Mean Machine with just two weeks to go.  So, the chances of someone catching the Sin Wagon are Slim and None, and no one has seen those two guys since they stopped off on McFarland to get a “beer and a burger” back in 1986.  At least these three teams have had some sort of “chance in hell” of making the playoffs.  The Mayors fell one-point short of suffering yet another A.W. this weekend and the season has disintegrated on the Cronies since – well since draft night – or week two or three at the latest.  But you don’t have to worry about the playoffs being potentially full of all defending BDFL champions (Bullets, Gamblers, Wizards, Cheetahs, or Sloths), because there is a veritable LOCK on a first-time playoff team getting in from the “Week Sisters of the Poor” Division.  In fact, the division doesn’t even have a defending champion in its ranks.

Wildcats Roaring Past Yellow Bellies

With 376-points and counting, not only are the Wildcats a lock for the post-season, but they will probably enter as the Number One seed.  The James Gang has run all over the Yellow Hammer Division this season, and had a pretty good record against everyone else.  On Sunday, the BioCats hammered the Blades.  They literally saw L.A. coming at them with a big old Section 69 Sickle and they countered by hitting him in the head with a hammer.  The Bulletin has confirmed that it was either a ball pin hammer or a claw hammer based on the look of Lyle’s skull, but we’ll know for sure in a few years when L.A. loses a little more hair.  (Have you seen his brother?) Dog wishes his only troubles were with hair, Rogaine, and 2 and 4-year-old kids (and old dogs and children and watermelon rinds).  But, the Dogs have given the Super Banker problems all year.  However, in Week 13 the Mutts did manage to drop the Juggernauts.  A.E.’s Leeds Led Heads have dropped like a rock this season, from potential division contenders, to pretenders, to a wretched bunch of losers that can’t even fight off a Milk Bone attack by some mangy dogs.

Big Daddy Day – January First?

Where is everyone going to be on – as U2 and Bono would say – New Year’s Day?  Some will no doubt be hung over and in their beds for a long period of time.  Other BDFLers may be in Dallas or in route to Big D, while others may be with the Titans.  Will some be at Sammy’s?  The Bulletin is recommending that “wherever we are” we should try to hook up via cell phones or regular phones, email, Internet, etc. to carry out Big Daddy Day.  Or at least pick a time after the noon and 3 p.m. NFL games to call and jank.  Maybe Jaimie will blow a big lead again.  (I don’t think there are any ‘official’ plans this year with the Commissioner in Nashville and BDD falling on New Year’s Day.)  Anyway, think about it.  [P.S.: Bullet still needs a ticket, a ride, and a room for the Cotton Bowl in Dallas, although sources have reported that Kurt Prewitt would be more than happy to take care of him.

Quote of the

Week

"Meanwhile, Merlin is so far down in the bottom of his ‘bag of tricks’ that he’s pulling out lint, candy wrappers, and bunny nuggets to try and make the playoffs"

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blades | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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