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 TheBDFL.com           THE BULLETIN                                         2006

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The BDFL's Weekly Game Summaries

By Bob Bullet

Week 11 

The Bulletin Week 11:

“Look at all the happy creatures dancing on the lawn.”

Trivia question: Name the title and artist for the above lyrics (see answers at the bottom).

Who’s hot?

The Bullets! “66!” are you kidding me!  Sixty-six!  The Bullets fired off 66-rounds in Week 11. “Say hello, to my little friend.”  Sixty-six, that’s right, wow.  Even The Bulletin is impressed with this astronomical performance.  The poor Juggernauts scored a respectable 25 points, only to absorb an A.W. by 41-points.  The Bullets are for real in 2006, “Ready, aim, fire!” with fire pronounced “fir-yerrr,” like Jim “Doors” Morrison in “Light My Fire,” or REM in “The One I Love.”

Who’s not?

The Wizards:  Did they really score only two points, or was there a misprint, or a typo in the weekly WARTS?  No wonder Merlin moved out-of-state.  Actually, that’s the second time the Pasco County Pixie Dusters scored only a deuce.  The Mayors (who would actually garner a “Who’s Hot” notice if they weren’t already out of it this year) turned the Kickoff Cash Curse around and used it against Parks to register one of the largest margins of vict’ry in BDFL history, almost as much as the Bullets margin over the ‘Nauts.

Who’s not (dishonorable mention):

Brookside’s finest Mark’s Mutts: The Dogs tried to bribe the Bootleggers with some un-white lightning manufactured “on the hill” in Brookside by Booger Bass and Jerome Jackson.  But the Whiskey Runners, connoisseurs of fine corn liquor, smelled a rat (literally) and made sure than Mark’s Mutts went down in ignominious defeat.  Not even voodoo dolls could bail out the Dogs this time around. The Bootleggers also belatedly celebrated the vict’ry of Heath Shuler to the U.S. Congress out of the mountains of extreme western North Carolina.  Shuler ran on “mountain values” and we all know what that means.  Strike up the banjo and give Ned Beatty a call.

“Naturally, I’m dominating in my other league.”

Jaimie, every week.

Actually, the Wooden Warriors took advantage of one of the Sin Wagon on Sunday to pick up a rare vict’ry in the BDFL.  No wait, the Cheetahs came out of the lap-dancing, back room during Monday Night Football and erased themselves from the “dishonorable mention” list, and rallied to spank the Tribe.  Thank goodness for Chief Kawliga’s good work in the “other league,” because the Woodies have long been run off the BDFL reservation in 2006.

Statement from WARTS: “I for one would like to congratulate Jaimie for his success instead of making fun of him. Here's to you Jaimie and the hope that in the next few weeks you can move up 21,801 spots and get in the money and move up 81,135 places and be listed on the leader board!”

“Out there” of the week:

Steve Cohen at the fence in Bryant-Denny Stadium talking with two members of Lynyrd Skynyrd; as it turned out, it was not a good omen.

“Out there” of the week II:

Where is Billy Joe Dowd when you need him? Apparently, Alan, Bullet, Butch, Dog, and Mad getting together before the Iron Bowl do not represent a quorum (even though it may of the rank & file of the BDFL). The Section 69 Sickles took it on the chin this weekend, losing to the Woo Crew in a low-scoring affair in Blount County.  L.A. hasn’t been the same since V.K. and the Ralph Brothers split up, and it shows.  The Woosiers continue on a self-predicted late season run to the playoffs by winning an 11-7 game over the Blades that even the Gamblers would be proud of. (See game of Craps for significance on 7 and 11.)

Just Say Done:

Speaking of the Gamblers, the Real Deal put his team in excellent shape for a post-season berth in the BDFL with a big win this weekend in Rocky Ridge over the beleaguered Wildcats.  The Mildcats “Just Say No” to a return trip to the post-season and the Big Daddy Bowl, proving to be a one-hit-wonder in 2005.  The loss in Week 11 drops the James Gang below the “Bullet” line and out of contention for the end-of-season, BDFL, bracket spectacular.

Quote of the week:

“It’s fun being so young watching all you bunch of old guys duke it out with each other.  FEAR THE FIGHING SLOVAKS!” said Adam Ray.

(Anonymous: “Is it fun being so short?”) The Bulletin is checking to see what “fighing” means.

Quote of the week II:

“It’s great being wise and watching the young dumb Slovak learn how to spell.  Try hitting spell check before you start ragging on folks,” said the Commissioner.  And, then in an “Old School” move the Commissioner went out on Sunday and backed it up.  The Grenades – thanks to 24-points from the defense and special teams of their beloved Titans – put an A.W. on the board against the Fighting Slovaks.  Not only can the Eurotrash talkers not spell “fighting,” they apparently don’t know what the word means either, or how to access spell check.

Quote of the week III:

“Heck, I’m second in my division but leading the yellowbellies and the greenies, in the by gawd BDF of L,” said Cheetahs President and General Manager William “Butch” Neal.

NOTE: The Bulletin thanks everyone for the fodder.

Edspiration (coach speak):

“He doesn’t know the meaning of the word fear,” said Vince Dooley about one of his linebackers in the late 70’s. “In fact, I saw his grades the other day and he doesn’t know the meaning of a lot of words.”

Edspiration (offspring):

“I want to see somebody cry,” said Bobby Caviness, circa 1981.

Edspiration (offspring) II:

Putting the handgun on the dashboard; “At least they can’t get me for carrying a concealed weapon,” said Mukes.  Maybe “The Law” didn’t get Mukes this weekend, but the PowerSleds certainly taught the Sloth Monsters a little about the penal code.  Mad Jack’s Ax Grinders, er, Mean Machine continues to treat the rest of the BDFL like rump roast going through a meat grinder.  “Out there is a fortune waiting to be had, you think I’ll let it go you’re mad.  You got another thing coming.” (Judas Priest for those of you who burned your 1970s Heavy Metal vinyl.  The Sleds melted it down for a Darth Vader helmet. “Fear the Sled”)

Plays of the week:

LT (PowerSleds – Chargers, teams with lightning bolts on their helmets) 4-TDs (again).

Stats of the week:

All Bullets All the Time: QB: Brady 4-TDs, one over 50-yards; WR: Lee Evans 11-catches, 265-yards, two 83-yard TDs; WR: Chad Johnson 6-catches, 190-yards, 3-TDs, including one over 50-yards; RB-Parker 1-rush TD, 1-receiving TD.

“Seinfeld Four” Sit-com moment:

“The sea was angry that day, my friend.  Like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli,” said George Costanza, on his adventure saving a beached whale as a (pretend) marine biologist.

Reason #82 to be in the BDFL:

Hobnob and swap emails with former NFLers with one career catch for 22-yards, who was allegedly Warren Moon’s “go-to-guy” in pre-game warm ups with the now-defunct “Luv Ya Blue” Houston Oilers (too bad it wasn’t Gretzky, Messier, Curri, and Fuhr’s championship Oilers).

Microcosm rant:

microcosm: (noun) smaller system which is representative of or analogous to a larger one (we’re not giving you analogous because it has nothing to do with The Bulletin).

Get ahead 3-0 when you should have done more (Hawaii, Vandy, LaMonroe).  Give ’em two easy ones that you shouldn’t to get knocked off track (Arkansas, Fla.). Fight back to respectability and actually get ahead by a little (6-3, Duke, Ole Miss, Tenn. FIU), then tank it in the second half and down the stretch (MSU, LSU, AU).

Next week:

Sloth Monsters @ Juggernauts: Now facing elimination, the ‘Nauts return to Rocket Stadium to entertain the Three Toed Tree Dwellers.  A.E.’s point total is tops in the Yellow Hammer Division, but another loss drops the protesting bra burners out of the playoffs under the infamous “Bullet rule.”  Rumor has it the CPA’s will pick up Leeds’ finest (Rodney Gardner, Charles Barkley and Neil Mitchell) and maybe the Hueytown nose guards to help them get the Son of Slim’s Achilles weakness, his knees.  Either that or she could raise a $1 million.

Trivia answer:

“Looking Out My Back Door” - CCR, Credence Clearwater Revival

Quote of the

Week

"Out there is a fortune waiting to be had, you think I’ll let it go you’re mad.  You got another thing coming.” (Judas Priest for those of you who burned your 1970s Heavy Metal vinyl.  The Sleds melted it down for a Darth Vader helmet. Fear the Sled"
 

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