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From Underneath The Rock

in Media Void

The BDFL's Weekly Game Summaries
By Bob Bullet

WEEK 14

DIVISION DECISIONS

Wizards Grab Division by the Green Horns

Merlin the Magician has pulled Excalibur from the stone. He’s got the bull by the horns. He’s got the “tiger by the tail, it’s plain to see.” The Wizards have risen to the top of the Green Horn Division on the strength of a 41-point effort against the Sloth Monsters this weekend. The A.W. puts the Pixie Dusters in a strong position to advance to the BDFL playoffs in the last weekend of the season. Meanwhile, for the ever-fading Wooden Warriors, the top spot has finally slipped away despite a vict’ry over the woebegone Fighting Slovaks. Now, the BDFL’s number one Bridesmaid, numero uno, captain of the ship, lord of the manner, master of the house, must find a way to make up a 14-point deficit on the final weekend of the regular season to even have a “China Man’s chance” to make it to another Big Daddy Bowl. Where we all know what would happen there.

Gamblers Close in on Bullets

If the Gamblers and Bullets were in any other division, they would be battling for 2^nd or 3^rd place. However, as it stands now in the rugged Red Neck Division, Kenny B. and the Bullerino are separated by a crow-bar and a narrow 3-points, a trey, a field goal. The Bullets paid a visit to No Teeth, Tennessee this weekend to see the “Home for the Holidays” Bootleggers and Volunteers. The Woods Brothers “Big Block Dodge” was no match for the Chevrolet, Apple Pie, and Red, White, and Blue whipping that the Boys from Benton administered. Ironic how a former Vol (Peyton Manning) is leading the Bullets, kind of like he led the band in a stanza or two of Rocky Top from atop that cotton-picking step ladder at Legion Field.

“It looks like I do have a one-man team,” said Bullet. “But, they play very well together and they all know their roles. They play with pride. They play hurt. They know how to dig deep. They play within themselves. They strap it on and bring their lunch box. They punch the clock. They are blue collar.”

The win puts the Bullets over the dreaded .500 “Bullet Line,” and guarantees Benton a winning record. Now can they hold off the Gamblers in the last weekend of the regular season to advance to the playoffs?

The Gamblers used a Monday Night Football surge to slip past the defending champion Woosiers. Now they must make up 3-points on the Bullets to advance to the Final Four.

Mean Machine Making Progress

Eighteen points separate the top two teams in the Grey Beard Division, and one of top two teams is NOT the Grenades.  Mad Jack’s revved up Power Sleds laid claim to the contender position this weekend by dropping the Commissioner at a reunion game at George Ward Park. In fact, Mad hasn’t looked this good since his first two BDFL seasons (Champions) or when he was last spotted playing in his infamous “other” Friday night league. The Cheetahs also kept pace in Week 14, and remained in the top spot by dropping the much-maligned Mayors – to their knees – just off Valleydale. There’s no won-loss drama in the division, with both teams assured of a winning season. “I just need my defense to score some points,” said Mad Jack. “I’ve played the wrong one all season.” That wishing and hoping won’t work for the Sledheads, they just need to break out the Heavy Metal and leave nothing to chance in the final weekend of the BDFL regular season.

Wildcats Cruise - Nauts Top Blades

The BDFL’s overall scoring leaders, the Wildcats, had no trouble at all with Marks Mild Mangy Mutts this weekend, and have all but locked up the Yellow Hammer Division weeks ago. The Cats beat the Dogs, like a dog. Mr. Burr – the Super Banker – gets the “Toilet Seat Team of Weak” honors and an all-expenses-paid trip to Brookside for the holidays. More rumors are now circulating that the Dogs will be moved in the off season. The only problem is that the only non-competitive TV markets within the BDFL – Cardiff, Coalburg, and Crocker Junction – really don’t want the team.  All they want is Charity Bingo or Quincy’s Triple-7.  Meanwhile, in a score-a-thon, the Juggernauts out-scored the Blades, 38-35 in a wild one in Pelham. With the vict’ry, the ’Nauts moved 20-points closer to the Bio Cats, but it’s a case of “too little – too late,” for Leeds’ Lilith Fair. A.E.’s Rice Rockets took off at the start of the season, and appear to be hitting full stride as “splash down” approaches. However, during the middle of the year they had problems. Yes, dissention in the ranks costs the ’Nauts in 2005. (Not to mention they were in the same division as the high-octane, high-scoring, five-wide-out, Wildcats.) There were arguments between the blue-collar, steel toed shoes contingents and the lawyers, CPA’s, and MBA’s who could never agree on anything.

Quote of the

Week

"The Cats beat the Dogs, like a dog. Mr. Burr – the Super Banker – gets the “Toilet Seat Team of Weak” honors and an all-expenses-paid trip to Brookside for the holidays. More rumors are now circulating that the Dogs will be moved in the off season. The only problem is that the only non-competitive TV markets within the BDFL – Cardiff, Coalburg, and Crocker Junction – really don’t want the team."

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blades | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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