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By Bob Bullet

Week 3 – Short and Sweet

Wildcats Rule!

“What a difference a year makes.”  Mr. Obnoxious – with his trusty Fantasy Football pocket guide – with “just say no,” and “picks to click,” is making a real dent in his sophomore season in the BDFL.  The James’ Gang latest victim was the traveling Gamblers.  The previously tame and aptly named “Mildcats” are off to a fast start in 2005, and may soon have the rest of the Yellow Hammer Division running for cover, or at least lining up to purchase copies of the Miller Lite Guide to Fantasy Football.  “Break up the Biocats,” stickers have also begun to pop up in parts of Vestavia.

Sickles Cut Woo Crew

Not since he was passed over in the roommate draft of 1984 in favor of “Bicentennial” Marty Uptain for a coveted spot in the Bates Manor, 14th Avenue Townhouse Apartments, has Lyle forgiven Woo.  And, although the move probably saved his life and got him away from V.K. and the Ralph Brothers and Rusty’s asparagus pizzas, L.A. still feels a little bitter about the entire experience.  He couldn’t wait to take out his frustrations on the defending champions in the Hayden pumpkin patch.  When the Sickles completed the jack-o-lantern carving Sunday afternoon, Woo looked like a clean-cut Marine leaving Guantonamo Bay in full dress whites.

Aids Bomb Slovaks

Hordes of Slovaks descended on Brentwood this weekend for the half-blooded Slovak showdown between the old world and new world order.  Problem was neither Adam nor Chris knew which one was which.  “Yoy, yoy, yoy.”  When all the pjygotchy and kielbasa was gone, and the spoon in the mustard jar was crusted and caked over, and the nut roll was gone, and the insults ended… it took the latest edition of Jednota (publication of the First Catholic Slovak Union) to inform the participants of the winner and loser.  As in most cases, the most consonants lose, so Slovensky falls to Hand.  “Yasiman dounchinc potkine,” which the BULLETin interprets to mean, “Name it and claim it.”

Nauts Good Enough for Lowndes County

A.E. donned a pair of Daisy May Duke cut off shorts, painted a General Lee “01” on the side of her Honda, rice-burnin’ SUV, and headed south to crash the Great American, Big Three, pick-up truck party at Rebel Stadium in Hayneville this weekend.  And, the J.D., CPA’s, managed to escape with a much-needed vict’ry.  Too bad Bo and Luke Duke weren’t available to help out the home team. After the game, Bullet and A.E. had a nice 20-year-reunion with old “Johnny Red” himself, shotgun and all.  “You’re pretty bad with that shotgun.”  CLICK.  “Yeah, I’m bad.”

Mayors Maul Merlin

Merlin’s woeful wizards have picked up a new nickname three weeks into the 2005 BDFL season, “Barfield’s Boys.”  No official word on whether the Greystone Tea & Crumpets Crew is breaking out the orange jerseys yet, but you can bet its right around the corner.  This Sunday, A.A.’s Cronies ventured out of the hood down 280 and crashed in on Merlin and Company.  Monday morning, most observers could tell something weird had happened when number watermelon rinds and chicken bones were found scattered all over the gated community.

Cheetahs Dance Past Woodies

With no prize money at the end of the 2005 BDFL season, Chief Hime is predicting a long-awaited title for his Tribe.  The Black Creek Wooden Warriors – perennial runner ups in the BDFL – continue to put up big numbers in the early season.  (What’s new?)  However, their lofty point-total was not enough to earn them a vict’ry this weekend.  (Although they did get a couple of lap dances) In a flashback of the 2003 Big Daddy Bowl, the Cheetahs roared from behind to defeat the Warriors utilizing a huge Sunday from Shaun.

Bootleggers Escape Brookside with W

The Woods Brothers, Citgo, No Teeth, Tennessee F.O.R.D. roared across the border this weekend and delivered a whippin’ to Marks Mutts.  The Bootleggers then added insult to injury by partying late into the night in Goose Alley.  Mr. Burr’s Barney routine fell short of repelling the Whiskey Runners back across the Five Mile Creek on Sunday evening.  The Dogs tried to kick the Bootleggers out of town because they failed to wear their Edgewater ankle bracelets.  “Hey,” shouted Dog.  “I pay your $10,000 a year salary!”  At last report the Dogs were rendezvousing with Giddy at Burger King to “regroup.”

Sleds Stop Sloths

Still stinging from the lame remake of The Longest Yard, Jack’s original, trademark, Mean Machine took out its frustrations Monday night against the Three-Toed Tree Dwellers.  “It’s pretty bad when you have Water Boy Adam Sandler as your quarterback,” said Mad Jack.  It’s also pretty bad when a film featuring football finishes behind Happy Gilmore, Billy Madison, Little Nikky, the Wedding Singer, and Spanglish. (Although he was in Big Daddy!)  “I wouldn’t know,” said Mukes.  “I haven’t seen anything since Easy Rider in 1969.”

Quote of the

Week

"I wouldn’t know,” said Mukes.  “I haven’t seen anything since Easy Rider in 1969"

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