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 TheBDFL.com           THE BULLETIN                                             2008

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The BDFL's Weekly Game Summaries

By Bob Bullet

    Week 7 

“Top Dog” Tops Dogs:

The Tampa Tarnishers rolled out the red carpet in Pasco County to welcome the Brookside Dogs to town and to celebrate the Rays – not the Bucs – making it to the big one.  Number-22 Tampa Bay Rays pitcher Matt Garza (who wears that number to commemorate one of the greatest moments in Buccaneers history – the lone NFL reception by former tight end Jeff Parks, for 22-yards) pitched the Rays to the ALCS Title and to the World Series, earning MVP honors.  On the BDFL gridiron, the Tarnishers ran up 51-points en route to routing Mark’s Mutts, who claim yet another “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” honor with an ignominious 8-points.  Parks’ is also celebrating after this weekend because his favorite coach and mentor – UAB Head Coach Neil Calloway’s Blazers knocked off Marshall for their 1st win this season over a Division I team.  “Go Rays,” said Parks, “and go Blazers who might be as good as Auburn this year.”

Slovaks Silenced Again

Not only was the Pi Cap Caravan a “no show” in T-Town this weekend leaving cousins Bullet, Chris, Ryan, Mark, John, and Elizabeth to find their own Pivo, but he also barely showed up on Sunday to take a beating at the gloved-hands of the Druid City Blitz. The Slovaks, who excel only at Trash Talking – and not backing it up – were no match for the Blitzers, who ran through the Slovaks like the Germans ran through Czechoslovakia 60-something years ago.  Adam continues to struggle in the BDFL, even as his inventions and innovations at Alabama Adventure make the theme park one of the most diverse acreages in Southwestern Jefferson County.  When the Bulletin finds out what those are we’ll let you know.

Gamblers Outscore Bootleggers to Get Off the Schneid

Disgruntled Kenny Breal took his show on the road this weekend, and his Gulf Coast Gamblers may have finally recovered from an earlier season A.W., that they suffered at the hands of the lowly Slovaks.  On Sunday, in the Cuyahoga Valley in the shadow of the Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio, the Gamblers got a pivotal win over the Bootleggers.  However, after the game, Kenny refused to take the Woods Brothers on an ‘all expenses paid’ trip to the Frozen Tundra of Lambeau Field.  “Those type trips,” said Kenny, “are reserved for the Commissioner to keep me in this (C.S.) league.”

Wooden Warriors Scalp Sleds

Mad Jack’s PowerSleds took their Heavy Metal Hits to Black Crick Ballpark this weekend, when they should have just gone to their (other) Monday Night league contest.  Old Bocephus refused to let the Mean Machine play that kind of communist music and force fed the Sledheads some serious doses of Country Rock (and Roll).  After the pig was in the ground and the beer was on ice, the Wooden Warriors proceeded to give the Sleds an old fashioned, country, A.W.

Nauts Kill Cats

A.E.’s tune up for the New York City Marathon consisted of running over the Mildcats on the streets of Vestavia in Week 7 of the BDFL season.  Allyson is clearly the only remaining athlete among the BDFL rank and file.  The rest are has beens of the NFL, Division II football, JUCO baseball, and high school sports, not to mention past softball glory.  The Rice Rockets (Honda Pilots) are no longer a laughing stock in the annals of Fantasy Football and continue to be a force to be reckoned with, especially in the always soft Yellow Hammer Division.

Sloth Monsters – The (Reality) Series: Episode 6

In this week’s episode, you just knew this one was not going to turn out very well for the Smoke Risers in the Sky.  The Sloth Monsters Reality Series, or the “Misadventures of Mukes” went on location to Blount County this week.  The highlight of the episode was not a softball game in Warrior, or a (miniature) train ride at Rickwood Caverns, or lunch at the Top Hat, but a bare-knuckles, flag football game in downtown Hayden.  Things started out bad for the Sloth Monsters with an early delay of game penalty, “Snap the #$%^*@! Ball, Mukes.”  However, the Tree Toed Tree Dwellers finally got a grip (albeit without plausible thumbs) in the second half and were able to come up with a good game against the Woo Crew.  However, the Son of Slim had vict’ry snatched from his knud-chewing jaws by the Hayden Haymakers.  Chalk this one up to more BDFL, Monday Night Football Magic.  As for the continuing misadventures of Mukes (and Albert); tune in next week, same bat time, same bat station.

Mayors Shut Down Sammy’s

No, the Magic City Mayors did not shut down Sammy’s as in ‘put Sammy’s out of business.’  The Cronies shut down Sammy’s by staying their all night, breaking out their smuggled Colt 45, and running most of the regulars out of the place.  The Cheetah IIIs were happy to have the business for a little while until they realized that having Lowrey Langford there for this long was going to definitely harm the establishment in the long run (if such a thing is possible).  By the time the smoke had cleared (from a large quantity of Cool’s cigarettes), the Mayors had a win and the Sin Wagon was left looking for its hub caps.

Grenades Escape Benton with “W”

Years ago, the Devil may have gone down to Georgia, because he “had a soul to steal.”  But in Week 7 BDFL action, the Commissioner went down to Benton for a brotherly, fall visit. Ole Pistol – aka, the Commissioner – got some Lowndes County souvenirs: golden railroad spikes, flattened pennies, farm-fresh eggs, snake-skin shoes (“you put ‘em on your feet… got the good time music and the Bodidly beat”), vict’ry chicken, and some Black Belt Cotton.  However, he also picked up a clutch win over the Bullets.  The Commissioner, in conjunction with Woo and WARTS, also tried (and failed) to take some points away from the Bullerino.  But, cooler heads prevailed and they decided to get their “W” and get out of town.

Mukes’ Miller SpotLite:

Adrian Peterson for lifting the Tarnishers to a Week 7 high of 51-points.

Molly Hatchet:

“My horse is kicking dust up off the trail.  I’m just getting back from a trip to hell.  Six-gun, she’s strapped by my side.  Thunder, is the horse I ride. And, it seems to me this is one helluva way for a man like me to earn my pay; outlaws on the loose, running, running from the noose.  I’m a Bounty Hunter.  I’ll hunt you down.” – From Bounty Hunter.

More Molly Hatchet:

“Did you know $500 will get your head blown off? Oh, yes it will. Ha, Ha, Ha.” – (also) From Bounty Hunter.

Line(s) of UT week:

What a Vol cheerleader says after youknowwhat: “Get off me Daddy, you’re crushing my Marlboros.”

Why do all the trees in Alabama lean to the North? “Cause Tennessee Sucks.”

The Quote

of the Week

"Things started out bad for the Sloth Monsters with an early delay of game penalty, “Snap the #$%^*@! Ball, Mukes.”  However, the Tree Toed Tree Dwellers finally got a grip (albeit without plausible thumbs) in the second half and were able to come up with a good game against the Woo Crew.  However, the Son of Slim had vict’ry snatched from his knud-chewing jaws by the Hayden Haymakers.  Chalk this one up to more BDFL, Monday Night Football Magic"

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