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 TheBDFL.com           THE BULLETIN                                             2008

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The BDFL's Weekly Game Summaries

By Bob Bullet

    Week 5         The BDFL from A to Z

Mayors Put A.W. on Grenades

In a return of favors past, the Commissioner invited the Mayor and all of his Cronies up to Music City for the weekend to visit Music Row, check out the big Vandy game, and of course – the Titans.  What happened amidst all of that were the Mayors taking advantage of the situation to deal the home-standing Grenades a good, old-fashioned A.W. of epic proportions. Nashvillians have had it with Iron and are lobbying to get Jeff Fisher or Chris Hanson to take over the Fantasy Football head coaching and general managing duties for the Grenades.  Meanwhile, the Cronies ventured back to the Magic City from the Music City with the “Top Dog” award for their 60-point effort in Week Five.

Bullets Chalk up A.W. in Win Against Metal Heads

While the eldest Hand brother was absorbing an A.W., the “Middle Child” – Bullet was laying one on the Power Sleds.  The Boys from Benton ventured into Fairfield up the back roads from Lowndes County, to Selma, through Centreville, past Wilton and into Bessemer before reaching the “Home of the Sleds.”  The Bullets were not intimidated by the opening words to intramural nose guard “Big John,” summed up this way, “Don’t #$%* ‘em up too bad, Big John!”  In fact, Bullet yanked Mad Jack’s Metal Hits off the Walmart stereo and starting cranking some Southern Rock to dazzle the crowd and ‘make friends and influence people.’  After the smoke cleared, and it took a long time with all of the Jeff Oyster dirt bikes on hand, the Bullerino was kicked back smoking a cigarette and talking about the good old days.

Another Hand Finds Vict’ry Lane

Jaimie Hand’s all-in NASCAR/BDFL team looked sharp from the Green Flag at the Brookside/Five Mile Creek Fairgrounds on Sunday, and was able to hold off Mark’s Mutts at the finish line to earn a close vict’ry.  Ole Rusty (from Lampassis or Plano, Texas) was on hand to help out the Wooden Warriors, while the Dogs only got help from Jimmy Slovensky’s right-hand-man, Old Rusty Evancho.  However, when this one was over there was an overflow crowd across the tracks at the VFW ordering two at a time and doing some two-fisted drinking to celebrate Hime’s two-point win.

Wildcats Continue to Roll in Outscoring (Jilted) Gamblers

From the Office of Commissioner: Rocky Ridge's is a big hit all over the pro football landscape

MOBILE – Concocted in a dark and dingy makeshift basement lab, tried and tested by the Libertyville Wildcats in suburban Chicago, the "Wildcat" offense has finally found a home and taken hold in the BDFL and other football leagues around the world. Once regarded as none other than a gimmick by his distracters, mastermind Dr. Jerome Cecil James stuck to his principles to forge an offense that has no limits. Brown lined up in the now infamous "Wildcat" 11 times on the afternoon and his 5-yard touchdown run at the end of the first half came out of the formation. "It's not about the formation," Brown said. "It's about execution." Brown added, "James is a true innovator of the game."

Sloth Monsters – The (Reality) Series: Episode 4

In this week’s episode of “Sloth Monsters - The Series: This week’s episode begins with Mukes’ being late to meet a client at an ‘open house.’  In case you didn’t know it, Mukes – the Son of Slim – no longer works in the “up and down” elevator business, nor selling women’s garments after being canned by his wife.  He is now a realtor.  It turns out that it wasn’t a client but the Woods Brothers paying a visit to the tree house of the Three Toed Tree Dwellers for a BDFL match-up.  The Bootleggers brought a little white lightning to the party, and before you know it they were leaving town with a 6-point vict’ry over the Sloth Monsters.  After the loss, Mukes consults Slim, who in the manner of “Father Knows Best” and “Leave it to Beaver,” tells his son that it will be alright and that next time he should “hit the egg.” As for the continuing misadventures of Mukes; tune in next week, same bat time, same bat station.

“Have to believe we are Magic”

The miracles just keep on coming in 2008 for the Tampa Tarnishers.  The bay area night spots (read: Gentlemen’s Clubs) have nothing on Sammy’s and the world famous Cheetah III.  Although you’d get some arguments from Parks and Jarvis and Little Perk.  However, there is little argument that the Pixie Dust is really working for the Tampa team this year in the BDFL.  The latest evidence comes from this past weekend, when the home-standing Merlins were out-classed in every way by the Sin Wagon only to come away with a one-point win over the Cheetah IIIs.

No EuroTrash Talkin’ Today (almost – check your email)

The Woo Crew did in Week 5 what the rest of the BDFL hasn’t been able to do thus far in ’08.  No, not defeat the lowly Fighting Slovaks – other teams have done that – the Woosiers were able to shut them up (if only briefly – it’s a nice break in the day).  So, a week after putting an unexplainable A.W. on the grumbling, mumbling, Gulf Coast Gamblers, the Pi Cap Caravan was derailed on its way to Gillette’s.  The Woosiers get the win and get to go swimming at Canterbury, have a few peaceful drinks at Harry’s, and unload a big Frat Rat palm tree trunk into their living room at 14th Avenue Town House Apartments – just because they can.

Naut Today

A.E.’s Rice Rockets finally burned out of Uncle Bens this weekend, simmering to a stop at DCH Regional Medical Center and Body Shop.  And, the estimates have been high to get the Honda Pilots back on the road this week, carrying a full load of embarrassment in losing to the lowly Druid City Blitz and being down more than a ‘couple’ of cylinders.  Like the garbage man once asked D.K. – pointing at one of the many broken down cars in his driveway, “You want me to take that too?”

Matthew Hand (age 5 on Oct. 16) line of the week: “That’s Bryant-Denny Stadium!  It’s touching the sky!”

Matthew Hand line of the week II: “You can’t spell yuck without U.K.”

BDFL quote of the week: "You can’t spell Wizards without D. A.”

Week 5: Mukes’ Miller SpotLite

Mukes Miller SpotLite of the week:

“I’ll give it to the Mayor – Lowrey Langford – for his 60-point performance and for bringing the 2022 Olympics to Birmingham.”

Mukes Miller SpotLite (quote) of the week II:

“Congratulations! to the Fighting Slovaks for being this upcoming weeks lucky winner of the "Let's Hope the Commish Schedules the Sloth Monsters This Week Sweepstakes." I guess we will be hearing some more rap from Larryland. Please get your entries in quickly as the sweepstakes is filling up and you do not want to miss your chance to have your best point total of the year,” said Mukes.

The Quote

of the Week

"Like the garbage man once asked D.K. – pointing at one of the many broken down cars in his driveway, “You want me to take that too?"

The BDFL from A to Z

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The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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