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The BDFL's Weekly Game Summaries
By Bob Bullet

Week 10: The Bulletin: Hand Brothers Looking Strong

Warriors Give Brotherly Shove
Old Chief Bocephus gave his older brother a nice shove this weekend up in Nash Vegas. The ball was in the air, but no flag was thrown. However, both Hand Brothers got point totals in the 30’s keeping alive the possibility – and very probability – of placing Chris, Jerome, and Jaimie all in the BDFL playoffs. At this point, we don’t know if they’ll be blasting Hank Junior’s “Family Tradition,” Molly Hatchet’s “Bloody Reunion,” or Sly and the Family Stone’s “Family of Man.” If you’re looking to second-guess the Grenades loss, you could put it squarely on the shoulders of Iron’s late return from yet another “all-expenses-paid-trip” to Lambeau Field or the dreaded schedule-makers (which IRONically is the Commish) when their point total would have earned them a vict’ry over everybody else in the BDFL in Week 10.

Bullets Blast Dogs
With compliments to The Band:
“I drove into Brookside. I was feeling about half-past dead. I just need some place, where I can lay my head. I said, ‘Hey, mister can you tell me, where a man might find a bed?’ He just grinned, shook my hand, ‘No,’ was all he said. Take a load off Annie. Take a load for free. Take a load off Annie, and you put the load right on me.” Drum Hand (Bullet) unloaded a couple of 55-gallon drums of whoop@$$ and dumped it like napalm along the banks of the Five Mile Creek and then kicked back and watched the rats (Brookside residents, Dogs, etc.) run for cover. To quote Robert Duvall from Apocalypse Now, “I love the smell of napalm in the morning. It smells like… victory.” Bullet got the vict’ry and reportedly made off with Dog’s “vict’ry chicken,” and took over 1st place in the Rugged Red Neck Division. (More of The Band at the end)

Cheetahs Czech Slovaks
The Slovak Prince also returned to his second-homeland of Brookside this weekend to take on the Cheetahs. However, unlike his cousins – the Hand Brothers – Adam was not able to hold up the family end. The Sin Wagon rolled through Brookside like Sherman through Atlanta – and half of Georgia – (see below) to completely devastate the up-and-coming Slovaks. When the dancing was done, there was no place to hide. So Adam began the slow walk back to Pelham, with his pride dampened, his self-esteem lacking, and no money (especially one dollar bills) in his pockets.

Merlin Vexes Mean Machine
“Got to believe we are magic, no one can stand in our way,” said a Giddy Pixie-duster named Merlin, shortly after his Tea & Crumpets crowd had dispatched the vile, and sinister Mean Machine. The Wizards pulled off the upset by driving the Power Sleds into a virtual coma with bubble gum music from the 70’s blaring from the loud speakers inside the gated community. In fact, the Sledheads could not get out of town fast enough to stop their ears from bleeding. Once safely back to the polluted, gray-black skies of Fairfield Mad Jack was able to regroup and he should be able to finish out the season.

Juggernauts Escape East Tennessee with Vict’ry
A.E. continued here uncanny ability to slip into No Teeth Territory, and bring home a vict’ry for the good guys. And, although she couldn’t help the Memphis Tigers this weekend, she was able to whip the Whiskey Runners, and make up some of her deficit in the Yellowhammer Division. Meanwhile, it appears that the Wood Brothers have more trouble ahead other than the retirement of Ricky Rudd. The Big Block Dodge is no longer feared or even respected in Bristol or elsewhere along the Nascar Nextel Cup Circuit. Rumors are now circulating that the Bootleggers will lose their sponsorship next season, and may have to return to short-track, dirt racing to make a living. (Or they could go to Plan B and get the Commish tickets to Bristol for both the ’06 day and night race, and he would probably just award them some points to keep them competitive.)

Sloths Down Mayors (like a worm pill)
The Son of Slim continues to pull out close games this season despite his numerous injuries. The Bulletin – with assistance from the Elias Sports Bureau – has listed just a few of Mukes injuries over the years. Knee (Hueytown), cut lip (Bucket’s party after the Van Tiffin game), collarbone (softball/Chris crow-hop throw from short), and heart (valve, recent) aches. On Sunday, in Silver Lakes the Tree Toed Tree Dwellers played host to the Mayors (who have the heart of a Terrell Owens) who may now, with all due respect to the Slovaks and the Woosiers, have the worst team in the BDFL. The Cronies’ cronyism, which was powerful in the past with the commissioner, has faded in the face of Iron’s move north of the border and the lavish gifts offered by the Gamblers and Bootleggers. Now, the Mayors are just part of the rank-and-file, and taking it on the chin.

Blades Cut Down by Gamblers
The once-proud Gamblers dug back into the old treasure chest this weekend with the Pelham Blades coming to town. Kenny B & Company knew that the stealth, Section 69 Sickles would be hewn to a razor-sharp edge for one of their few outings in public. However, the “Boys from Biloxi” were ready. (It didn’t hurt that they had their account “paid in full” with the Commissioner/Schedule Maker after a trip to Lambeau, which – by the way – did include a Limo ride.) The Gamblers rolled some “7’s” and “11’s” and held off the Blades to remain in the thick of the race in the Rugged Red Neck Division. [P.S.: The Bulletin has spotted Gavin Jones, Wade Bennett, Steve Gaddy, and David Trawick in T-Town this season, but not L.A. or V.K., or the Ralph Brothers.]

Wildcats Win Wild One Over Woosiers
“Wildcats, Wildcats, Wildcats!” shouted the joyful revelers leaving Smoke Rise Monday Night after the Wildcats pulled off another monumental win in improbable fashion. If you haven’t heard Woo cry yet, you probably will. The BioCats got a 108-yd missed field goal return and a couple of key connections on MNF to keep their purring season going and deal yet another devastating loss to the defending champions, who have all but tinkled on the fire and called in the dogs on the 2005 season. WARTS – however – will continue to run without interruption.

(As promised, more from The Band: The night they drove old Dixie down.)
Virgil Cain is my name/And I served on the Danville train/Till Stoneman's cavalry came/And tore up the tracks again/In the winter of '65/We were hungry/Just barely alive/By May 10th Richmond had fell/It was a time I remember oh so well/The night they drove Old Dixie down/And all the bells were ringing/The night they drove old Dixie down/And all the people were singing…
Back with my wife in Tennessee/One day she came to me/"Virgil, quick, come see! There goes Robert E. Lee!"/Well I don't mind chopping wood/And I don't care if the money's no good/Just take what you need and leave the rest/But they should never have taken the very best/Refrain
Like my father before me/I am a working man/And like my brother above me/I took a rebel stand/He was just eighteen/Proud and brave/But a Yankee laid him in his grave/I swear by the blood beneath my feet/You can't raise the cane back up when it's in defeat
The night they drove old Dixie down
And all the bells were ringing
The night they drove old Dixie down
And all the people were singing
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, nah, nah...

Quote of the

Week

"Virgil Cain is my name/And I served on the Danville train/Till Stoneman's cavalry came/And tore up the tracks again/In the winter of '65/We were hungry/Just barely alive/By May 10th Richmond had fell/It was a time I remember oh so well/The night they drove Old Dixie down/And all the bells were ringing/The night they drove old Dixie down/And all the people were singing…"

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