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 TheBDFL.com           THE BULLETIN                                             2007

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Rock in Media Void

The BDFL's Weekly Game Summaries

By Bob Bullet

Week 7 - Last of the undefeated

Rock & Roll Ramblin’s

“Shot down in cold blood by a gun that carried fame, all for a no-good, useless and worthless claim,” Marshall Tucker.

Well, there might have been “fire on the mountain and lightning in the air” but the celebration belonged to the Wildcats this weekend at Ed Bruce Rocket Stadium as the visitors from “over the mountain” became the first team this season to knock off the Jugtown Juggernauts.  If A.E. was troubled by the loss you certainly couldn’t tell.  She was too busy parading around Downtown Gardendale with freshly painted 41-17 signs and caricatures of Phat Phil in full retreat back to No Teeth, Tennessee.

“Breaking rocks in the hot sun, I fought the law and the law won,” Bobby Fuller (1965).

The Gamblers also fell for the first time this season, losing to the Black Creek Wooden Warriors.  Chief Kawliga’s training (along with brother Chris – but not Bullet) of smashing red (slate) rock with a sledge hammer in the driveway in Fieldstown as teenagers finally paid off as his never-say-die Woodies ended a pretty good opening season run by Kenny B. & Company with the upset vict’ry.  “I thought they were going to kill each other hitting that waist-high rock in rhythmic unison,” said Bullet – watching from the comforts of inside.  “Of course, they never had to dig out from under the house with a sling on one arm and a separated shoulder.”  What that has to do with the BDFL isn’t clear, except it was on the mind of the folks at the Bulletin.  “I’ve been doing it since I was a young kid, and I come out grinning,” Cougar (I fight authority. Authority always wins.)

"Cause me and my boys got this rig unwound and we've come a thousand miles from a Guitar Town," Steve Earle.

The Commissioner is in the Guitar Town up to his Adam’s Apple, but is resting a little easier this week after Alabama took care of Tennessee on Saturday, (making life among the Vols more tolerable) and his Grenades hammered the PowerSleds by 17 on Sunday.  Ironically, (Irony is so ironic) the celebration in Nash Vegas was short-lived by the Commish when his team was handed the Scott Hunter “Bonehead of the Week” award.  It seems Chris left off local kicker R-r-r-rob Bironas, (to the tune of my, my, my, Sharona) who set an NFL (and BDFL) record with 8 field goals.  (Although Ron Slovensky reportedly made 9 FGs against the Gardendale Rockets when he played for Minor in 1969… the Bulletin is still researching how the final score was 12-10.)  What made things worse for the Paper Commish was his email whines against the “process” and the actual award and tone of the hard-working folks at WARTS.  “Alabama quarterbacks get a hand shake when they beat Tennessee,” said Scott Hunter to Jay Barker in 1994.  Whether or not Hunter ever beat UT is being researched by the Bulletin.

“Every rose has its thorn,” Poison.  (And, every dog has his day.)

Not only did the Brookside Dogs break their 0-fer on the 2007 season this weekend, they also scored 37-points in beating the Mayors, and captured the “Top Dog of the Week” award.  Apparently, Dog got some first hand advice from Mr. Coach Nick Saban Sir on Friday at “Nick at Noon” at the Banker’s Only Indian Hills North River Yacht and Golf Club for Real Men.  When asked how he planned to celebrate his first vict’ry of the season, Dog said he would probably go back to Brookside, hang out on the banks of the Five Mile Creek with old friends, Dodie Goode, Terry Tarence, and Booger Bass and rekindle their plans to make phonograph needles out of peanut hulls.

“You know what they say,” said Albert.  “If you haven’t been the first time, go again.”

The Silver Lakes Sloth Monsters beat the Tampa Tarnishers by one, moving the Pasco Pixies to 1-6 on the season and precariously close to falling out of playoff contention (under the Bullet Rule), where ironically Merlin and his merry band benefited a year ago with other – deserving teams – falling out and making room in the BDCS for a 9th place team.  On the bright side, the Tarnishers have lost a series of very close games this season and will get to have a chance to put their own personal touch on their team beginning this week with the Supplemental Draft.  Meanwhile, in case you haven’t heard, Mukes has moved from selling women’s clothes to selling houses.  Each new sale comes with a fully-stocked refrigerator and frequent visits by Mukes & Albert.  (Sales are sluggish at the moment, although “we don’t know why.”)

“Might as well face it, you’re addicted to love,” Robert Palmer.

Tommy T’s love guns blasted out this weekend in Smoke Rise just enough to give the Woosiers a slim vict’ry over the Fighting Slovaks.  The Bulletin’s advice to the Eurotrash Talkers: check WARTS very carefully before you concede this game.  (By the way, with 4-minutes to go and down by 24, Phat Phil ‘conceded’ and punted.  Earlier, with 6 or 8 minutes to go, Ainge threw the ball out-of-bounds on 4th and 4, also a move of concession.  However, he did avoid the sack.) 

“I see a red door, and I want to paint it black,” Stones.

The Bulletin has no idea what that means.  It is just Mick Jagger music, which will always have a place in this space.  Meanwhile, Butch had to pass on “Nick at Noon” this week; too much heavy lifting for Dog.  However, with his full compliment of time outs/dancers/energy/nutrition etc., Butch’s Cheetahs were able to stop the Druid City Blitz by a touchdown.  The battle-weary Kraughts had to march back to Tuscaloosa (from Sammy’s were Deutch Marks are not accepted) crisscrossing the hordes of toothless UT refugees headed back to the woods (hills).  “Somewhere, somebody, must have pushed you around some,” said Tom Petty.  “You were tied up, taken away, and held for ransom.”

“When the truth is found to be lies, and all the joy within you dies (don’t you want somebody to love; don’t you need somebody to love; wouldn’t you love somebody to love; you better find somebody to love),” Jefferson Airplane.

Speaking of leaving the hills, the Bootleggers have enjoyed a resurgence since leaving No Teeth, Tennessee.  The Whiskey Runners invaded the peaceful, tranquil, Black Belt, farm land on the banks of the Alabama River in West Lowndes County this weekend, and proceeded to put an old-fashioned A.W. on the fast-retreating Bullets.  The Shag King’s 4-points earned his team the official “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” honors and a 4th straight loss.  In need of some serious “re-grouping,” the Bullets have packed up the truck and moved to Prattville, where newly sworn-in federal security guard Birdman Farmer will begin daily treatments.  “Oh, son-of-a-@#$%^, Oh son-of-a-@#$%^!”

“Here comes the law,” Tommy Kinney.

Quote of the

Week

"In need of some serious “re-grouping,” the Bullets have packed up the truck and moved to Prattville, where newly sworn-in federal security guard Birdman Farmer will begin daily treatments.  “Oh, son-of-a-@#$%^, Oh son-of-a-@#$%^!"

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