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 TheBDFL.com           THE BULLETIN                                         2006

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The BDFL

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The BDFL's Weekly Game Summaries

By Bob Bullet

Week 8
“I saw a tree house on the outskirts of the farm.
The power lines have floaters so the airplanes won’t get snagged.
Bells are ringing through the town again. Children look up; all they hear is sky-blue, bells ringing…
And the train conductor says, ‘Take a break Driver 8, Driver 8 take a break.
We can reach our destination, but we’re still a ways away.’”

Who’s hot?
The Juggernauts (again). The jurist doctorates put up another 40-plus point week to stay hot and notch another vict’ry aka Pat Benatar “in the lipstick case,” by crushing the Marlboros of the orange-clad Bootleggers in the hills of East, No Teeth, Tennessee this weekend. After a horrible start, which may cost A.E. under the vindictive “Bullet rule,” the Nauts need to reel off more W’s to earn a post-season birth in the BDFL.

Honorable Mention:
Late edition: the Bullets get 24 on Monday Night Football to top out at 43 for the weekend, an A.W. vs. the Dogs, and retain a comfortable margin atop the rugged Red Neck Division.
The PowerSleds welcomed the Wizards to the Dolodome with a Fairfield-produced 55-gallon drum of industrial strength, ACME whoop@$$ on Sunday. This time Merlin’s vehicle being towed was the least of his problems, as the Sledheads put a good old fashioned A.W. on the Pixie Dusters and sent them back to Pasco County in nothing less than a Plymouth Duster, or was that an AMC Pacer, or a Gremlin.

Bicentennial Marte (Marty Uptain award):
The following BDFL teams have topped the 200-point mark for 2006: PowerSleds, Bullets, Juggernauts, and Cheetahs.

Who’s not hot?
The Dogs. Mark’s Mutts took home another “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak,” scoring only in single-digits (would you believe, 8) in losing in front of the home folks to the Bullets. The Bullerino – well versed in Brookside etiquette – made sure he had the necessary tools to ensure vict’ry on the banks of the Five Mile Creek; namely empty Coke bottles, “whiskey bottles, brand new cars,” get out of jail free cards, degreaser, Go Joe, and insect repellant. Conversely, he had the celebratory items for the post-game party on hand also, namely: beer, kielbasa, and more beer.

Crashing the Party:
The Fighting Slovaks apparently crashed Bullet’s Brookside vict’ry party. Adam was looking for some place to celebrate after stunning the Cheetahs by a touchdown, and he was not allowed to enter any Southside, Green Springs, or Valleydale establishments. Whether or not he violated any “touch and go” policies is still being investigated by The Bulletin and the League Office. However violation of the policies – at least in the BDFL – carry no fines, penalties, or warnings.

Play of the week:
For defense and special teams in Week Eight, the Commissioner returns to his beloved, hometown, Titans, in a match-up against his baby brother and the coaching decision pays dividends as the Titans defense and special teams pick up 18-points. The big blow was Pacman Jones eating up the opposition and going 53-yards on a punt return TD to provide the Grenades with the margin of vict’ry over the Wooden Warriors.

Quote of the week:
“Team chemistry is working well right now. We have eliminated all the bad apples from the locker room and motivation and sense of purpose are at an all time high. Why would I want to screw that up now by making a change? We have a perfect record right now. We know we are only half way toward our goal but we must continue to stay focused, take them one game at a time, take care of business, eliminate distractions and I think we can reach all our goals,” said Mayors Head Coach Larry Langford.

Quote of the week II:
Mukes said, “To quote the great, coal-hauling, truck driver, Cisco, who by the way had two famous hats: one saying “My wife has a drinking problem… Me!” and “CISCO,” ‘Whatever.’” To understand what the non-sober Son of Slim was saying you have to reference the Albert Reeves – Livingston Saturday Night – Brass Monkey handbook. Either way the Sloth Monsters still lose to the Mayors. “Whatever, indeed.”

Quote of Week 8, number III:
“Eight, skate, donate and apologize.”

“Seinfeld Four” Sit-com moment:
Elaine: “I went out with this lawyer. I had the lobster bisque. We went back to my place and, yada, yada, yada, I never heard from the guy again.”
Jerry: “But, you yada’ed over the best part.”
Elaine: “No. I mentioned the bisque.”

Stat of the week:
The Woo Crew and Baltimore Ravens get 2 INTs for 2 TDs, 12-BDFL points, good enough to put the Woosiers past the Wildcats. “Not so fast my friend,” said Lee Corso. “Could WARTS be wrong? Upon further review, the game between the Hayden Haymakers and Rocky Ridge Biocats actually ended in a tie with the atom-splitting James Gang claiming (and receiving) vict’ry.

Real Stat of the week:
Monday Night Football: Tom Brady (Patriots – Bullets) 4-TD passes, and the Vikings get a 71-yard punt return for their only TD to give the fast-flying Bullets 24-MNF points. “Ready, aim, fire!”

Edspiration:
Ed’s version of offensive ingenuity; “eight man front.” Why didn’t anyone ever figure it out?

“Out there” of the week:
“Eight miles high and when you touch down, you’ll find that it’s stranger than known,” The Byrds. Could be Tony Byrd, Randall “Doolie” Fields, David Mann, or Chris Orazine.
We’ll put the Gamblers one-point win over the Blades in this category. How often do the Gamblers actually come up with 21? The house wins.

Reason #8 to be in the BDFL:
You often times get a blast from the past: Chris Hand vs. Minor, TE Dump to Parks vs. Tarrant, Woo Wrestles another title in Oxford, Adam asked to leave The Booth, Mukes vs. Hueytown (ouch), Jaimie Hand vs. Cullman I in OT (not Cullman II), Godzilla vs. the Smog Monster, A.E. with the Spike, Kenny Breal Dials 8 in Biloxi, Bullet and Alan watch the HooDoo Gurus get “duped” in Lee County.

Crazy Eight’s:
#8 Yogi, #8 Freddie Roach, #8 Troy Aikman and Steve Young, #8 Chris Rogers, #8 Albert (Don’t Call Me Joey) Bell, #8 Tank Williamson, #8 Harvey Lopez, #8 Cal Ripken, Jr., #8 Dale Earnhardt, Jr., #8 Yaz.

Next week:
The top two teams in the BDFL square off in a no-holds-barred, Jimmy “Super Fly” Snooka, top-turn-buckle showdown; past BDFL champions; the PowerSleds (232) against the Bullets (221). “Ouch-e-wa-wa!” Also on the under card, a one-year-old Generation Next showdown between future BDFLers: Jackson Barnes and Milton Hand in a “cage” pack-and-play match-up. (Fellow one-year-old Dalton Dismukes will referee).

Quote of the

Week

"I saw a tree house on the outskirts of the farm.
The power lines have floaters so the airplanes won’t get snagged.
Bells are ringing through the town again. Children look up; all they hear is sky-blue, bells ringing…
And the train conductor says, ‘Take a break Driver 8, Driver 8 take a break. We can reach our destination, but we’re still a ways away"
 

Back Bull 2006

Back Bull 2005

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