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 TheBDFL.com           THE BULLETIN                                             2008

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The BDFL

The Column

of Fame

From Underneath      The Rock in Media Void

The BDFL's Weekly Game Summaries

By Bob Bullet

    Week 2        The BDFL from A to Z

Mayors Score Four Dozen – Mash Merlin

The Tampa Tarnishers traveled back to the Magic City this weekend to take on the Mayors at Legion Field and after nightmares of “Bo the Wrong Way,” “Bookworm McGinty,” “I waxed the dude,” and “Van Tiffin,” Parks got another “reality” dose at the Old Gray Lady, which was mighty green for a number of years.  As for the homestanding Mayors, who had some West Birmingham gangsters hold up umbrellas the whole game – so they could pretend they were in a dome – the outcome was a pleasant surprise in the wake of all the negative publicity heaped on the Lowry Langford administration. “He’s no Richard 'Don’t Call Me Dick' Arrington,” said one observer. “But once we get the dome we’re gonna steal the Grizzlies from Memphis, the Preds from Nashville, the Braves from Atlanta, and the Jags from Jacksonville.”

BioCats Start (email) Cat Fight

Whining is nothing new to the BDFL, and the James Gang leads the way after a Weak Two beat down by the Druid City Blitz.

JJ: “I guess I’ll have to win my game with one kicker tied behind my back. Although, since I obviously didn’t check my e-mail until now, it seems reasonable to me that most logical league officials would assume that since I have only two kickers and one is not going to play - due to a Hurricane announcement that occurred after I turned in my starters - that I probably would have used the other kicker this week and made the change automatically for me.”

Woo Counters with 1-2 Punch

WOO: “Oh, I see what you are saying.  We should have done it like we do when a team has a BYE and does not submit changes and like we do when a team has an injured player and does not submit changes, when we take the approach of "IF a team were actually participating they would make this change BUT Since they are not, we will make their decisions for them.  Sorry, we goofed on that one but, to make it up to you, I will gladly shoulder the burden of selecting your starters for the remainder of the season.  All you have to do is give the word and you will not have to sweat the mundane details any more and you will be able to sit back in amazement as you watch you weekly starters show up online.  The only decision you will have to make will be KY or Vaseline.”

Fired-up Crew Crushes Gamblers

While awaiting that decision from the BioCats, the Woosiers went out and smashed the Gamblers on the beleaguered Gulf Coast, 41-19, a no doubt A.W. – the first one of the 2008 BDFL season.  “Ouch,” said Kenny B, “Hurricane Woo.”

Brother Battle Ends Bright for Bocephus

The Wooden Warriors and Grenades renewed their age old rivalry this weekend on the banks of the Cumberland River in Downtown Nashville.  And, when the smoke finally cleared on Music Row, Hime was whistling a little Hank Jr. with his feet propped up while Chris made “Sensuous” moves back and forth to the bar.  He was however showing some of the old Chris Hand magic returning with $6 rounds by only using a $5 bill.  (We couldn’t see from our vantage point, but they didn’t look like PBRs.)

Cheetah IIIs Overpowered by Bufu

The defending champion Cheetah IIIs were backhanded by the Power Sleds in Week Two at Sammy’s on Valleydale.  Or, at least that’s their story and they’re sticking to it.  Mad Jack’s Mean Machine used a lot of Monday Night Magic – try 23-points – to turn a sure defeat into a big vict’ry in a game that was moved at the last minute from the Dolodome to Sammy’s for obvious reasons.  And, with the Crimson Tide headed to Fayettenam this weekend… Jack is celebrating all week with nothing but pork products: bacon, sausage, pork skins, hot dogs, pork roast, BBQ, pork chops, hog jowls, and chitlins.  “uuuuh that smell.”

Three-Toed Tree Dwellers Return to Gardendale – Hold on to Vict’ry (albeit) Without Any Thumbs

In this week’s episode of “Sloth Monsters - The (Reality) Series: Mukes returns to Gardendale unbeknownst that he actually has a game at Rocket Stadium against the Jugtown Juggernauts.  He goes to pick up Albert, and while they are at Mike’s getting supplies the clerk asks him, “Are ya’ll headed to the game?”  Albert chimes in, “What game?”  The lady says, “You know, Nauts versus Sloths.”  Mukes immediately drops his Copenhagen and tells Albert to get in the car.  (Yes, it is a white Grenada with a yellow-canoe-tied-on-top.)  When they get to Rocket Stadium, Mukes can’t convince the man at the gate that he doesn’t need to pay because “he’s playing.”  After drawing a “delay of game” penalty, the Three Toed Tree Dwellers manage to drop the Nauts fast enough to make it to Hooten’s in time for Happy Hour.  In next week’s episode: Mukes and Albert have to dress like women to get out of a tight spot; tune in same bat station, same bat time.

Bullet: “My dad once ate 12 (Pete’s Famous) hotdogs at one sitting.” Coach Bruce: “Think of another one, Bullet.”

Bullet desperately is trying to “think of another one,” after losing to the lowly Brookside Dogs in Week Two.  The Bullerino was riding high (and mighty… mighty green) after rolling up the most points in the opening weekend of the BDFL.  But, Mark’s Mangy Mutts put a stop to that with a Big John performance that had the rabble at Hayneville’s Rebel Stadium booing the Bullets and hollering for the back-up QB.  At least the Bullets avoided the Toilet Seat Award.

Boots Get the Throne Honor

This match-up had “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” written all over it when the schedule came out prior to the start of the season.  No Teeth, Tennessee Ruffians against preppy-dressed Slovak Frat Rats.  The Bulletin will leave the rest of this ‘untold story’ up to your imagination, which has to be better than the truth, which is the Fighting Slovaks win and the Bootleggers – from Bristol, Cleveland, or Canton – claim the “Toilet Seat” award.

Molly Hatchet line of the week: “New York City, you’re so big and tough.  But, here we come baby, we’re strutting our stuff.  Well, we look pretty frisky, we’re pretty damn bad, ‘cause Southern cooking is all we’ve ever had.”

Steve Earle line of the week: “They were pretty big boys, farm boys, district champs the last three years.”

Week 2: Mukes’ Miller SpotLite

On the Sloth Monsters, of course, for their escape and vict’ry at Rocket Stadium (see above), and high ratings for the debut of his new reality series.  Runner up: Rookie Jonathan Stewart with the Carolina Panthers for his first two NFL TDs.

The Quote

of the Week

"In next week’s episode: Mukes and Albert have to dress like women to get out of a tight spot; tune in same bat station, same bat time"

The Quote

of 1979

Coach Ed Bruce: “Think of another one, Bullet"

The BDFL from A to Z

Back Bull 2008

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Back Bull 2006

Back Bull 2005

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blitz | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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