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 TheBDFL.com           THE BULLETIN                                             2007

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From Underneath The Rock

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The BDFL's Weekly Game Summaries

By Bob Bullet

Week 9

Southern Fried Rock Weekend

“A Southern Man don’t need him around anyhow.” –Skynyrd.

“Gimme back my bullets.” –Skynyrd

The Bullets are back.  The Benton Bullets stormed out of the country and into the big city this weekend, hitting Louie Louie’s, the Nick, and the Upside Down Plaza in route to the Tide & Tiger and Legion Field before administering a near A.W. to Lowry Langford and the Magic City Mayors.  (A few points on MNF saved it from actually being an A.W.)  Bullet’s 43-point performance gives him a much-needed vict’ry and a nudges him up in the vict’ry column toward possibly avoiding the infamous ‘Bullet Rule.’  As for the Cronies, they were just happy to have a full house at the Old Gray Lady for the first time since the Magic City Classic (to collect taxes) so the new mayor could give his inauguration speech (again).  Rumor has it that the Governor (“boo, boo, boo”) is going to appoint Old Barry to Langford’s old spot on the Jefferson County Commission, if Giddy can accept the position without giving up his cushy treasurer’s spot.

“They got green grass and got High Tides and it sure sounds good to me.” –The Outlaws.

The Brookside Dogs were smokin’ grass and kickin’ @$$ in Week 9 of the BDFL season, and neither one of them is illegal in Brookside.  Mark’s Mutts came out with a vengeance on Sunday afternoon, and when the smoke cleared (at least for some), the Dogs found themselves on the up side of a high-scoring 41-36 vict’ry on the road over the Gulf Coast Gamblers.  The game, and the final score, was eerily similar to the events on Saturday afternoon and evening at Bryant-Denny Stadium.  Except in this one, the underDOGS actually got the upper hand, thanks to some vintage Brookside tricks that the Super Banker had up his sleeve.  Upon returning to the banks of the Five Mile Creek… the Dogs kept the party rolling at Wayne’s Place until right up to press time (with Brookside natives and Teamsters Jimmy “The Slovak” Slovensky and Rusty “The Other Slovak” Evancho holding up the presses at The Birmingham News to make sure the story made the latest editions.

“He’s looking for a honky tonk angel.  But he doesn’t stand a chance in hell.  ’Cause he ain’t no Wild Eyed Southern Boy” -.38 Special.

Speaking of Slovaks, rappin’ Adam Slo’s search for a few Honky Tonk Angels came up short this weekend at Sammy’s.  Oh, he found them… but (see above) was not able to close the deal against the Cheetahs.  The Sin Wagon loves to roll on the misfortune of others and did so proudly against the EuroTrash Talkers.  The Cheetahs are in dire need of vict’ries down the stretch just to make it into the BDCS, where they’ve found success in the past.  In Week 9, the Slovaks proved to be just what the doctor ordered.  “Turn your head and cough.”

“If heaven ain’t a lot like Dixie I’d just as soon stay home.” –Bocephus.

(Upon further review…) The BDFL’s version of Little Bocephus has found that if you are going to go down to defeat, do so on somebody else’ dime or pony keg.  The Wooden Warriors may have been tomahawked by the Power Sleds on Sunday, and may have watched the Tide fall to the Bayou Bengals on Saturday, but the blow was lessened considerably by the freebies handed down from Mukes & Albert courtesy of Mike’s Handy Food Mart on the Gardendale-Fultondale line.  The Sledheads may be emptying bed pans this season in the BDFL, but they will certainly take a vict’ry over one of the Hand boys at any time and even hum a little “Family Tradition” of their own.  Oh, wait.  Upon further review… the Power Sleds beat Mukes… that’s the Sloth Monsters, 26-13.  And, the Wooden Warriors actually won a game.  The replay officials (even in the BDFL) have looked at the tape and found that the Tribe actually beat a bunch of drunken German immigrants identified as the Druid City Blitz.  And, upon further review, Hime was actually celebrating Sunday with Mukes & Albert.  It was hard to tell with the knee-crawling, dancing shirt-less on the piano, and empty bottles of Evan Williams.  Mukes however proudly took home the “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” honors along with the empty keg.

“Charlie Daniels will tell you the Good Lord lives in Tennessee.  Ha!  But, I’m going back to the Gator Country where the wine and the women are free.” –Molly Hatchet.

Everybody knows the Good Lord doesn’t live in Tennessee, even the CDB, and especially the illustrious BDFL Commissioner, who has had to set up shop North of the Border.  However, that hasn’t stopped the Title-less Grenades from inviting BDFLers up for a weekend here and there.  This weekend, the Woo Crew invaded Nash Vegas to take on the ‘Ades, and found themselves hobbling back to Holly Pond with another “L.”  Don’t sell this vict’ry short in the annals of the BDFL, Mr. Commish getting a win against a Rugged Red Neck team like the Woosiers (who also control the power-scoring arm of the BDFL in WARTS) is a huge coup for Chris Hand.  Meanwhile, the Father Ryan Fighting Irish has fallen on hard times losing their last two games in blow out fashion to Baptists and Methodists. “Dickie Betts will tell you that he was born a “ramblin’ man.”  He can ramble on back to Georgia and I won’t give a &@*#.” – (more) Molly Hatchet.

“I’ve got to run to keep from hiding.” –Allman Brothers

The James Gang ran up north this weekend to visit the Lake Erie Bootleggers and then strolled home after a comfortable 15-point vict’ry.  The ‘Leggers clearly miss the backwards, inbred, banjo, no teeth safety, of East Tennessee and it shows.  Reportedly, they even approached Phat Phil about taking over the reigns of the Whiskey Runners after he’s run from Rocky Top, after the Vols (predictably) tank against Arkansas, Vandy, and Kentucky.  Meanwhile, the Wildcats continue to put up points and wins and position themselves for a run in the BDCS.  BDFL question of the week: Who are the Bootleggers other running backs?  The Wood Brothers got the “Bonehead” award for not starting Jamal Lewis (24-points).  Guess John W. thought Irving Spikes would have a big day.

In NFL – John Facenda's voice of doom: “Picked up from the scrap heap on waivers from the Green Bay Packers-by-way-of-the-Houston-Oilers, or vice-versa, Tight End Jeff Parks caught a 22-yard-pass as one of the only bright spots in Tampa that star-spangled-afternoon at the Big Sombrero as the home-standing hat-wearing Bucs were subdued in ignominious defeat once again.  However, in Week 9 of the BEE-DEE-ef-el, Parks’ Tampa Tarnishers notched a clutch victory against the Jugtown Juggernauts in the familiar confines of Ed Bruce Rocket Stadium, where the Top Tarnisher played back in the “All the Right Moves” glory days of high school football.”  NOTE: John Thomas Ralph Augustine James Facenda (August 8, 1913 – September 26, 1984) was an American broadcaster and sports announcer. He achieved national fame as a narrator for NFL Films. Through his work with NFL Films, Facenda has been known by American professional football fans as "The Voice of God.”

More Southern Rock one-liners just for fun:

“People down in Florida can’t be still when Lynyrd Skynyrd’s pickin’ down in Jacksonville.” -CDB

“I’m out of money, out of hope, it looks like self destruction.” –Molly Hatchet.

“Good Lord, I feel like I’m dying.” –Allman Brothers.

“I’ve been down.  I’ve been lied to.  I let that little woman make me a fool.” –Allman Brothers.

“Gonna take a freight train, down at the station.  I don’t care where it goes.” –Marshall Tucker.

“Gonna climb a mountain, the highest mountain.  Jump off.  Nobody gonna know.” –Marshall Tucker.

Quote of the

Week

In NFL – John Facenda's voice of doom: “Picked up from the scrap heap on waivers from the Green Bay Packers-by-way-of-the-Houston-Oilers, or vice-versa, Tight End Jeff Parks caught a 22-yard-pass as one of the only bright spots in Tampa that star-spangled-afternoon at the Big Sombrero as the home-standing hat-wearing Bucs were subdued in ignominious defeat once again.  However, in Week 9 of the BEE-DEE-ef-el, Parks’ Tampa Tarnishers notched a clutch victory against the Jugtown Juggernauts in the familiar confines of Ed Bruce Rocket Stadium, where the Top Tarnisher played back in the “All the Right Moves” glory days of high school football"

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