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By Bob Bullet

2007 Pre-Season Factoids

“The Hand Boys did good – except Bullet,” – Anonymous.

The 2007 BDFL season is about to begin and there are storylines everywhere.  In a league that professes “not to reward mediocrity,” will it crown another tarnished champion carrying the league’s 9^th best point total?

Will one of the aforementioned Hand Boys – other than Bullet, who will celebrate the 10th anniversary of his 1997 BDFL Championship this season – be able to claim their first league title?  In other words, can Chris or Jaimie “pull a Charlie Bradshaw” and remove their fingers from their @$$ long enough to make a title run?

How will the expansion Blitz do?  Will Butch be the new absentee owner?  Will the Pasco CounTy (capital T for last year’s Tarnished Title) Wizards be able to finish 9th (again) in overall points, still make the post-season, and get lucky in the Big Daddy Bowl, again?  And, can a girl (A.E.’s Juggernauts) capture the championship in what has been a male-dominated league?

“Girls, Girls, Girls” – Poison.

[YELLOW HAMMER] Allyson Edwards had the first pick in the BDFL draft, and landed the scoring machine that is L.T.  But, the ‘Nauts also picked up a strong enough team to make a serious run at the BDFL Championship, if not run away with the usually invertebrate Yellow Hammer Division.

Nic Hand did an admirable job drafting for the Wildcats, who could challenge in this division followed by last year’s 16^th-place Dogs, and the Fritz Blitz which should bring up the rear, but not come close to the record-setting futility records set forth a few years ago by the Fighting Slovaks.

“Geraldine Ferraro… what was I thinking!?” – Walter Mondale on his running mate in 1980 against Ronald Reagan, or Bullet on draft night.

[RED NECK] The Bullets, however are not stuck with the worst looking team in the Rugged Red Neck Division.  The Bootleggers had a substitute picker – that will remain nameless – on Draft Night and now they will have to suffer the “you-know-what” consequences.  Are they in Cleveland now?  Well, the Whiskey Runners will have a tough time in 2007, kind of like the hometown Browns.  If they are not near “the mistake on the lake,” they will still be in a world of hurt.  If they are out of No Teeth, Tennessee… that’s a good thing.

So, Shaun Alexander’s impending bounce back season should be good enough to lift the Gamblers to the top of this heap, with the Woo Crew running a distant second.

“Everyone needs a Hand to hold onto,” – John Cougar Mellencamp.

[GRAY BEARD]  The old commissioner has reason for optimism as the new season approaches.  The Grenades – who should by all rights and privileges by now be the Nashville Scorchers – have an average-looking team as opening day looms.  It’s just that the rest of the division laid eggs on draft night.  The Mayors don’t have a running back, the Power Sleds don’t have a quarterback (unless you are fooled by Tony Montana Romo – who led a late-season surge for the Pasco CounTy Wizards – only to fall flat in the NFL Playoffs), and the absentee Cheetahs seem to be the only challenger for the Commissioner.  So, this could be the year for the eldest Hand Brother.

“It’s a family tradition,” – “Bocephus” Hank Williams Junior.

[GREEN HORN]  The youngest Hand Brother is also chasing his first BDFL Championship and will do it with a rag-tag bunch of football players that have a chance to help their teams win some football games, and help Hime get to the top of the “mighty green” Green Horn Division.

This division looks pretty bad on paper, on grass, and on astro-turf.  When the Slovaks have the second-best team it speaks to the W.E.A.K.ness of this group.  Parks’ Pasco CounTy kids cannot rely on the luck they received last year although they got a pretty good 1-2 punch on draft night – courtesy of Nic Hand – with Brees and McGahee.  No one knows what Mukes was doing on Draft Night, except drinking heavily, which didn’t seem to help.  The Sloth Monsters managed to not get a QB, RB, or WR worth a rat’s @$$, and will undoubtedly challenge the Bootleggers for the “Toilet Seat Team of the Year.”

“Let’s get ready for some football!”

Quote of the

Week

“The Hand Boys did good – except Bullet” – Anonymous.

 

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